FI's Father Isn't Coming

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8047 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@JessicaJupiter:  That is so sad. Im so sorry for you and mostly your poor FI. Sounds like he is doing this out of revenge for missing his? 2 weeks notice though, what does he expect?

I would message back and say “I have never seen your son so devastated. I really hope you change your mind”.

 

Post # 4
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JessicaJupiter:  This is clearly in retaliation for FI missing his father’s wedding. (In my opinion).

How far was it to the father’s wedding? Even with only 2 weeks’ notice, as an outsider it looks to me like he should have been able to get there somehow. His father appears to be very hurt over this.

I’m not sure how to repair this. Perhaps a personal visit to his dad, kind of in lieu of missing his wedding?

Post # 6
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JessicaJupiter:  This is awful.  I don’t have any advice, but I really feel for your fiancé.  I hope he can get over it.

Post # 8
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  

i feel the same way….

FI’s parents might not come

we don’t want his mother there but his father has not committed to coming, wedding is in 6 months.

What really made my FI happy was seeing his guy friends commit to being a groomsmen, something that they barely do for restaurants hw assignments during college, but they’ve already sent in their RSVPs to our website and the invitations weren’t out yet and are already excited about what to wear

give hints to his friends to get excited to be there for him

he needs to know that there are people who care about him (parent or not)

Post # 9
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  wow, if I were setting money aside for a wedding, you’d be damned sure I’d take out whatever I needed to go to my own father’s wedding, whether I got 2 weeks notice or two years notice! I don’t think your FIL should have waited so long to announce the date, but I think it’s very rude of your Fi to have asked “well are you paying for my plane ticket” and worse still to have not gone! I think these two men have far deeper problems in their relationship than just who has skipped whom’s wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just playing devil’s advocate, here.  First, the way that he communicated this whole thing is totally inappropriate, and completely insensitive – he’s clearly being childish.  My best guess is that it’s a “well you didn’t come to my wedding, so why should I come to yours” tantrum.

Now, with all of that said, is it possible that they had booked this trip before your FI told them the date, and don’t want to change their trip/can’t get their money back?  Since you haven’t sent out STD’s, maybe you can say “well, what if it was on a different day, when you were able to make the trip up?”  Their answer would at least tell you whether they are mad about/unhappy with the date, or just being impossible.  The thing they are having their hissy fit about could be that you didn’t consult them about the date.

Post # 11
Member
6507 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not sure how he would have had to miss a week of work to go to a one day event. Even if that event is 8 hours away. But even if his dad is mad that your FI missed it, it’s very petty if he is missing your wedding because of that.

All that aside, I’m so sorry that you and your FI are going through this. We ran into an issue with my DH’s dad a few months ago and it was heart breaking seeing DH so upset. I contacted his dad and basically told him that he was doing the wrong thing. I had a few people tell me not to get involved but I couldn’t stand seeing DH so upset for such an insane reason. Thankfully his dad saw my reasoning and now all is well. I sure hope the same happens for you and his dad shows up.

Post # 12
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Horseradish:  +1  Have to say I agree with what was said here.  Also, your wedding is on a Wednesday, correct?  If your FI couldn’t get time off from work and pay the way to his dad’s wedding, I’m not sure why he’s so surprised that his dad may not be able to do this for him. 

Post # 13
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, I would imagine that having your wedding on a Wednesday will make it very difficult for out-of-towners to attend. You’re basically asking them to take half a week off from work or more. I normally wouldn’t put the father of the groom into the typical “out-of-towners” group, but it sounds like your fiance isn’t very close to his father and that his father may not see your wedding as a big priority to attend.

Post # 15
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JessicaJupiter:  Nor should you move the wedding; he knowingly scheduled his trip during that time, making it abundantly clear that the trip is more important.  I believe the message is “my wife is far more important than you think you are.”  I’m very sorry.  Perhaps suggest your FI’s dad go eat a bag of d*cks?

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