FI's female friend is getting to be too much!!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Callielane:  Do you have any reason to not trust your FI?  If not, I wouldn’t worry too much about it; she’s going to be moving in a few months and it doesn’t sound like your FI thinks of her as anything more than a friend. 

Post # 3
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Callielane:  To be honest I don’t think your problem should be with her, it should be with your FI.  He should value your feelings over hers and clearly he doesn’t.  If he didn’t give her the reaction she was looking for I am sure she would move on to the next person that would.

Post # 4
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Callielane:  Jealousy can be a reflection of your own lack of self-esteem and insecurity. Carried on long enough it could jeopardize your relationship.

Is it worth the risk for the few months remaining until graduation?

Post # 5
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, yea, I think I’d have the same reaction she did if you came up to me and had a talk with me about how I am acting with a friend.  If there’s a problem, it should be with your FI.   She’s not the one in the relationship.  And after you make it clear you basically dont like her, you expect her to still be friends with you??  She may not have been doing nothing wrong in the first place.  Some people are naturally flirtatious, what’s wrong with lunch between friends?  I am happily married as are many of my friends and we use sexual inuendos, hang out one on one, it’s just how we are, doesnt mean a thing.

Post # 7
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Callielane:  Constant texting?  Sexual inuendos?  Wants him to move near her??  No, that’s not you being jealous, it’s you being aware and her being completely intrusive!!  

Ask him if it’d be OK if you had a male friend you had the same relationship with.   

Post # 9
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I would be mad about this. He’s not respecting your feelings or even listening to what you’re saying. I would tell him again what you have issues with (sexual innuendos etc), why you have an issue with them (doesn’t respect your relationship), and tell him what she did when you tried to talk to her about it (ignored you, started being bitchy). Explain that just because he didn’t notice, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. if he choosed not to trust you or just ignores your concerns, tell him that he is choosing his friendship with her over you. he is putting her feelings before yours. I would 100% be upset about the trip since this girl seems to be trying to wiggle her way into your relationship. I don’t know about your relationship, but my BF and I have a rule that if we go on an overnight trip apart from each other, there will be no members of the opposite sex there too. For us it just comes down to respect and not putting yourself in any kind of compromising position. I’m very interested to hear updates about this situation. 

also, if he tries to pull the “don’t be threatened by my female friends” card or calls you sensitive or insecure, remind him that you’ve had ZERO issues with any of his female friends before this girl and that it is her specific behavior that is an issue for you, not the fact that she is a female. 

Post # 10
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Callielane:  and now shes being a total b**** to me, not answering me when i try to have a conversation with her, and ignoring me. 

<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>Well you said “and now she’s being”, so it seemed as she were least cordial before.  I can imagine how any conversation involving one person telling another that they don’t like how they are acting toward their man to be repsectful.  Either she was doing nothing wrong, and you accussed her of nothing and she’s offended, or yeah, she’s trying to steal your guy… but no matter her intentions, confronting her, no matter how “respectful” is confrontation imo.  And not a talk for HER, but the your FI, the one who is actually IN The relationship.<br /><br /></div>

Post # 11
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

A woman does not just act a certain way with someone unless they have given them the impression that it is ok.  I guarentee that your FI reciprocates her actions, which has lead up to the point where she feels tis ok to text him at 3am. 

Post # 12
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Callielane:  Also, if she were any kind of a woman, she’d back off after you talked to her.  I had a friend from college who was an exchange student.  He moved back to France after that year and we had sporadic communication.  I didn’t even realize he had a girlfriend.  Anyway, after one of my posts to him on social media, she private messaged me very politely, and said she was uncomfortable with the way I talked to him (cutesy, lovey, inuendos, etc.)  and if I would please consider her feelings before doing so.  I had so much respect for her approaching me the way she did and obviously, amended my relationship with him. 

For her to KNOW he has a significant other and still act like that is unacceptable and has nothing to do with jealousy.  It has to do with boundaries and respect of which she has neither.    

Post # 13
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Friends are fine. But sexual innuendos, texting at all hours and trying to get someone to move to a different state are NOT normal friend things.

Thing is, you’re not the one that should be taking to her about this. He needs to be upfront and honest with her, and say “While we have a good professional relationship, I don’t feel comfortable with the personal direction this has gone. If you have questions or need to discuss something related to our classes, that’s fine. But I’m not going to discuss my personal life with you anymore”. And then stop answering all texts, emails and calls unless they’re directly related to class and cannot wait until the next day. 

Sit down with your fiance and tell him you’re not going to keep bringing this up, but you need to speak you peace and let him know where you stand. Explain which behaviors are unacceptable, and why. And tell him that you expect him to stand up for your relationship and have this discussion with her.

Post # 14
Member
3960 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Callielane:   In my opinion her behavior is inappropriate.   Does your FI understand that your feelings come ahead of hers?   She seems to me to be going beyond friendship and trying to take your place in his life.   Does your FI understand what an emotional affair is?  

Post # 15
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Callielane:  if you’re uncomfortable, your fiance needs to be respectful and tell her to tone it down. The sexual innuendos in conversations with an engaged man are inappropriate. And he needs to be the one to tell her all this, not you.

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