- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
So I don’t have a lot of friends. Scratch that, I don’t really have any friends. Growing up I just prefered to keep to myself, and just never made any. And now that I’m older, I just find it’s hard to make friends. So since I don’t really have any friends, I don’t really know if I should make a big deal out of this or not.
Here’s the problem: I’m getting really annoyed with FI’s friends. He has a group of people that he’s been friends with since elementary school, and they hang out fairly often. And sometimes they hang out at our place or I tag along when they go somewhere. And I’m not sure if their behaviour is ‘normal’ or just immature. I know I find it annoying. I’ve tried gently mentioning it to FI and he says that’s the way his friends are, but it’s really started to get on my nerves. There’s really 3 main things that are bothering me:
1) the way they act around our dogs: we have 2 smaller dogs (a beagle and a cavalier king charles spaniel). When FI’s friends come over, or when we go over to their place and take the dogs, his friends get all worked up “OMG it’s the DOOOOOOGS!” yelling screaming, and it makes the dogs get all excited. It’s annoying because it’s teaching our dogs bad behaviour. They think that it’s perfectly acceptable when people come in the house to bark and jump on people, and it makes me not want to have people over. I have asked FI to say something to his friends and ask them to not act like this when they come over, so we can work on this behaviour with our dogs, but he hasn’t. Would it be wrong of me to ask them to stop this?
2) the drinking: it seems like every single time we get together with his friends, they drink. A lot. And if you’re not drinking a lot with them, then they bug you about it. Like they had this pot luck dinner the other day where everyone was supposed to bring their favourite red wine to drink. I brought two bottles thinking it would be nice to share, plus we had made plans to get home safely so if I wanted to, I could let loose a little, so I figured a little extra wine wouldn’t hurt, plus if I got tired of one after a glass or 2 I could have some of the other. Well in the end I just didn’t feel like drinking all that much after all, and decided to just have 1/2 a bottle. FI’s friends were all ‘why aren’t you drinking? you need to drink more! you brought 2 bottles! they need to be gone by the end of the night!’ I’m a small girl, there’s no way I could drink 2 whole bottles of wine in an evening on my own! Then there was one night where we went to a public wine tasting and I did overidulge. Way too much. And ended up getting sick when we went to his friend’s place after. His friends were all “Omg we didn’t know you had it in you to actually get drunk! Good job! You should do it more often! That was so awesome!” (um yeah, because spending most of the night with my head in the toilet was ‘awesome’).
3) When they get drunk, they do stupid things. Last night we had a bonfire at our place. We have an apple tree in our backyard. Well after FI’s friends got drunk they started shaking the apple tree, making the apples fall, then started throwing apples around, and dented the aluminum siding on our house. Not to mention, it was a waste of perfectly good apples that we like to eat! The apples we have are very delicate, and when they fall, they get very badly bruised, then have to be used pretty much immediately or they go bad, so it meant that I had to spend most of my day making various apple stuff to try to preserve the apples that they made fall. FI finally said something when they started hurling apples at our house, but even before that I was annoyed because they were wasting apples and making more work for me. It just seemed stupid and immature, and they do things like this a lot.
So are these last 2 things stuff that normal adults would do? It just seems to be such unacceptable behaviour! I would NEVER go to someone’s house and start throwing around food or telling people they need to get super drunk! But this could just be the way people behave, and since I don’t really hang out with anyone else, I don’t really have a basis for comparison. As a side note, FI and his friends are all in their late 20’s/early 30’s. This just seems like stupid things immature teenagers would do.
If this isn’t ‘normal’ do you have any advice on how I can get FI’s friends to stop? I have been trying to avoid them (ie: whenever they invite FI and I out, I make excuses to not go), and have been trying to do things to discourage FI from having his friends over, like if he says “Hey, we should have people over on Saturday” I’ll suggest that we do something else. But FI is getting upset that he hardly ever has his friends over. Would it be totally wrong of me to just say that I don’t want to spend time with his friends and make plans to be out of the house if he wants to have them over, and then put a time limit on how late they can stay (his friends also don’t seem to have a problem with staying out until 4-5 am, and seem to think that parties, especially birthday parties should last 12-15 hours, whenever someone has a party, the plans are something like ‘pre-game at so and so’s house at 2 pm, dinner at 7, bar at 10 and bonfire until 5 am after the bar). My parents live not far away so if FI wants to have his friends over, I could always go over there and study and/or watch a movie.
Sorry this is so long, I just am in unfamiliar territory here and starting to get really annoyed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!