- 8 years ago
Hi all, I’m new around here. My FI and I are getting married next summer, and I’m over the moon. The bee seems like an amazing group of women, so I thought I would reach out and see if you guys could help me work through a problem. I know it’s long, but please, if you can, assist me.
Let me start by saying that I have always been a huge supporter of “guy/girl time” when in a relationship. When my FI and I first started dating, I made it clear that I had both been in and witnessed far too many relationships that resulted in one or both parties immediately falling off the radar from friends, family, and their pre-exisiting social life. I didn’t want that to happen to us, and although we have grown to be pretty much inseparable, we have done our best to maintain our lives outside of one another.
However, there is just one problem. I don’t care for his friends. Pre-relationship, my FI and his friends were the classic party boys. They burped, they drank, they were wild. I was more than okay with this. I met them, we got along, and I truly thought they would be happy that their buddy was with a “chill chick”. I’m not controlling, I’ve got cute, single friends (hah), I even have a lot of “dude” interests. Well, I was wrong. They felt snubbed when we began dating, upset when we became exclusive, and are now borderline angry that we plan to wed. They “want their friend back”.
I feel like they hate everything about our relationship. FI and I are looking to relocate after the wedding – they relentlessly poke fun at the location we chose. He meets up with them for a drink, telling them we’re taking my parents out for breakfast the next morning – they stop at nothing to pressure him to get sloshed (he doesn’t). A while back my FI expressed to one of his close friends that I had been really stressed at work and had been kind of a terror at home; he responded, “Break it off. Be quick and rip it off like a band aid. You’re more fun when you’re single anyway”.
I have had it. FI and I got into a heated discussion about it last night and he says he feels caught in the middle between the friends he’s had since he was in high school and the woman he wants to have a life with. I understand his feelings. And I know that boys will be boys – I totally get that. But we’re in our mid-twenties here and I feel like it wouldn’t kill any of them to just suck it up and be happy for their friend. It hurts my feelings so much that his friends probably won’t be able to stand up at our wedding and genuinely wish us well. I know that I’m marrying him and not his friends, but this situation is getting painful.
I don’t know what to say or what to do anymore. Help?