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OK, so I didn't know where else to put this so I put it in "family" - one of FI's groomsmen, who has been a problem child from the beginng and I've posted about his nonsense a bunch and I'm not even getting into it here, is having his wedding the Saturday before Father's Day. OK, fine. I mean, yeah it's annoying and IMO a bit inconsiderate, but my parents and FI's parents only live a few hours from where they are getting married and I told FI, OK well then we'll just have to suck it up and leave early Sunday morning. Problem solved, right?
FI gets a call last night from his GMs FI - who he is NOT close to and doesn't particularly like anyway - bitching at him about how we're not planning on attending their Sunday brunch. She was all "you're a GROOMSMAN you have to be there. this is unacceptable. blah blah bitchy blah" and FI finally, after all kinds of bullshit with them and their wedding, just kind of went off on her and was like "It's Father's Day. Kitty and I have obligations to OUR FAMILIES and frankly your phone call and your attitude about this is selfish and inappropriate and I can't believe you had the nerve to call me and complain about this after all I've done for GM." Then he hung up on her, called GM's cell and was like DUDE do NOT ever have her call me for you again. If you have something to say to me, say it yourself and don't go through your woman.
So basically GM apologized that his FI was a total bitch and inappropriate on the phone, but now basically they openly hate each other. Awesome. Whatever, though. You don't call someone and tell them they are an a**hole for needing to get back to their family on Father's Day when you're having your wedding the night before Father's Day. I'm so over this bitch. I don't even want to go now.
You made me laugh out loud at "blah blah bitchy blah." Hilarious.
I am so sorry that you guys have to deal with her craziness. Hopefully it is just temporary wedding insanity and she will chill and get over herself.
IDK, personally, I'd be pretty upset if a groomsmen or bridesmaid didn't come to the brunch the next day...Can't you just do Father's Day on the next weekend or something? I understand your frustration with this GM, I've seen your other posts but in this case, I don't think scheduling your wedding for the Saturday before Father's Day (which is kind of a nothing holiday) is not inconsiderate and I'm kind of with the couple on this one, that you guys should attend the brunch and then go see your families afterwards...
Maybe you have more traditions than I do for Fathers Day but I don't think thats a "holiday" that people worry about planning around. I'd go to the brunch and hang out with my dad in the afternoon.
Wow, I can't believe she had the nerve to call up your FI and attack him like that! I don't think it's a huge deal that their wedding falls on father's day weekend (we went to a wedding this past weekend and were still able to celebrate mother's day) however, that's because we still had the rest of the weekend--all day Sunday to do so. I think it would be one thing if she kindly called your FI to request that you guys attend the brunch and perhaps leave a bit early...that's probably what I'd do...but calling him and attacking him was inappropriate and rude! I'm glad your FI handled it the way he did. I can imagine in most cases, men wouldn't even know how to respond to someone so irrational.
I agree with trailmix that the date for Father's Day is pretty insignificant. I wouldn't even think to check that my wedding didn't fall adjacent to Father's Day. It's the sentiment behind that day that counts, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with dad the next weekend and doing the same thing you would have done on Father's Day. The idea is to celebrate your dad - as long as you do that, I don't think the specific date you do it matters.
is there any way you guys could attend the brunch and maybe leave a bit early and see your dads in the late afternoon/evening?
i do see your point that the bride didn't approach it the most mature manner, but being that she is high-strung about weddingtime, i am sure she's not her usual self either.
hope it works out for the best for all of yoU!
Ditto what trailmix and LGenz said.
Yeah, she does sound bitchy...but really, their wedding and events are supposed to be once in a lifetime; Father's Day is every year.
What do you normally do on Father's Day? Would your fathers really be upset if you came over later?
oh wow. i only recently figured out that my date is the day before father's day, and I hope no one's mad at me for it... I was thinking of putting something in the program listing all the dads attending or maybe just our dads to commemorate Father's day, but i never thought anyone might have trouble seeing their dads the next day.....
I guess I have to go out on a limb and disagree. I think Father's Day is a lot more important than the brunch after a wedding. Father's Day IS an important holiday. And your FI's friend and his bride-to-be should be accomodating to people who feel that way.
It sounds like your FI has gone out of his way to be helpful with this wedding and that she is ungrateful.
Have you spoken with your families about your plans for that day? I do put a lot of importance on Fathers' Day, both my family and FI's family do. I certainly don't think it's a 'nothing holiday'. But, the couple getting married may not or may have a reason for getting married that close to a holiday. One of my friends got married the day before Easter this year but had a very reasonable reason for doing so. The bride was out of hand and should have handled this more tactfully, but needs to understand that people celebrate it differently and pt different importance on it and she should have known that this was a potential issue when they set their date.
I may in the minority here, but I think Kitty and her FI's response were completely understandable and valid. Unless FI had previously agreed specifically to attend the Sunday brunch beforehand, I don't think you can be mad at people, GMs or not, that they are going to be with their fathers on Father's Day.
How close are (or were) the FI & the groom? If they see each other all the freakin' time, I don't see the big deal. I generally consider the brunch the next day to be another opportunity to spend time with those who are all together for that one wedding weekend, especially those you don't see very often. But if they see each other all the time and he's fulfilled all of his other GM duties, I'm not sure what the big deal is. If he's an old buddy he doesn't see that frequently, I could see the GM being upset that he's not staying.
But nothing excuses her behavior or his. I know wedding planning is crazy stressful but an apology is definitely in order.
I'm shocked that people feel like Father's Day is a nothing holiday. If I were in a wedding that had a day after brunch on Father's Day or Mother's Day, I wouldn't be able to attend because of a previous committment - our family celebration of Mother's Day/Father's Day. I think its incredibly rude of the bride to get mad at people when they aren't able to attend because they're spending time with their Dad on Father's Day.
I agree with EmeraldR! Father's Day is an important day for me and it is also the day that we conclude our annual family reunion. You live hours away so, you have to take the time out to travel. So I understand that going to the brunch will pretty much cause you to miss spending father's day with your dads.
You know, I think weddings really need to be reined in a bit.
Here, we don't do rehearsal dinners, we don't do showers, some people do the morning after brunch, but it hasn't become the done thing, thank God.
Obv it could've worked for you to stay for the brunch and leave promptly to get home to spend the evening with fathers, but who said weddings HAVE to be three day affairs? Fair enough for those that enjoy it like that, but it would stress me out a bit to be thinking about shower gift, wedding gift, and a whole set of outfits, it seems, for all these different events!
Fair play to your man for handling the call so well! I would say, if she's otherwise normal, do try to let it go, if she apologises.
Wow, really? Father's Day is an important holiday in my family. Don't go to the brunch, they are rude for calling to bitch you out about it. It's their fault for having a wedding around that day, and they should be understanding that you can't make it.
Aunt Pol, I'm starting to wish that we were planning a wedding in Ireland!
As another bride who has scheduled their wedding the day before fathers' day - I didn't see it as a big deal. Yesterday was mother's day, and I'm not hanging out with my mom until memorial day weekend to celebrate it... We are celebrating with my dad in the afternoon on father's day, and no one had an issue with the date.
She is being rude, but in my opinion, I would guess you could work fathers day in around the wedding.
Although everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and although Father's Day may not be a significant holiday to some people, other people may value their time with parents more than others, and especially if you live far away from your parents Father's Day (and mother's day) may mean a lot more to some people. Yes, you can show your love for people any day of the year, but regardless, do you want someone to celebrate your unbirthday?
I personally would not care if a BM or GM had to skip brunch the next day for family time. These people have dedicated their time (and probably some $$) for your big day. Chick needs a reality check, it's not a huge deal.
I think the key point here is that she had no business calling and being all "blah blah blah bitchy blah" to your FI. She could have respectfully asked that you guys attend and ask you to hold your fathers day festitivites later in the evening. If she had taken this approach then I think you should re-arrange your fathers day schedule (either later in the day or another day) to accomodate. However, since she had such a bad attitude and approach then I would just say sorry.
Yea I'm going to have to agree with Kitty here. I definitely do not think that father's day is a "nothing holiday" or insignificant... for those of you who do, do you have a relationship with your father??
I also get suuuuuupeer annoyed by all these "commitments" that wedding parties have. I expect my bridesmaids to buy a (reasonably priced!) dress that we all agree on, to be supportive of me during the planning process, to be on time and pleasant at the wedding, and hopefully be at the rehearsal dinner. Thats it. I'm having a brunch the next day and they don't have to come. I'm having a shower and I won't be made if one of them can't make it. I'm not expecting them to help me with my DIY. If they offer to do these things then I will be so grateful and I'll be thrilled... but I would never ever be mean to one of them if they didn't do one of these things.
Fathers Day > day after brunch, hands down in my opinion.
For me father's day is one of those hallmark holidays that doesn't necessarily need to be celebrated on the exact date. The date has no significance. While I think the bride was rude and I don't think a wedding brunch is important, I also don't think it's rude to have a wedding the day before father's day.
Jeesh, if I wanted to convince someone to come to brunch my tactic would not be to jump down their throat. Then she'll just have some unhappy campers she's basically force feeding. Ugh.
Stick to your guns, he's there to support his friend in marriage not to be his hostage.
"I definitely do not think that father's day is a "nothing holiday" or insignificant... for those of you who do, do you have a relationship with your father??"
Judgey much?
@Corgi - I have an excellent relationship with my father and I am one of the people that thinks it's not an important holiday. It's mostly because I agree with ribbons , it's a Hallmark holiday that doesn't need to be celebrated on that day, the date has absolutely no significance. My mom, sister, and niece are all coming to visit me from 14 hours away that weekend and my dad and brother in law are staying home and no one is upset about it. It can be celebrated the week before, or the week after, or whenever is convienent. Maybe that's just my family though :)
Wow Corgitales, yes I have a relationship with my father and it is not dependent on a made up holiday
Father's Day is a big deal for my family and FI's family. Last year I had a commitment on Father's Day I couldn't get out of and my mom told me my dad was "broken hearted" that I wasn't there, which like honestly made me cry. I'm an only child and we don't see as much of each other as we used to and with everything our parents are doing for FI and I when it comes to wedding stuff and just generally being supportive of our families coming together, this year especially is very important IMO to honor them with the love and respect they deserve.
And what I meant to say above wasn't that it's so terrible to have a wedding Father's Day weekend as it is to INSIST that people come to your Sunday brunch, which falls on Father's Day. I reread it and I wasn't clear about that point. I though we were all good just leaving early on Sunday for our joint Father's Day BBQ, which is a good 4-5 hours away from their wedding. My real problem with the situation is that you cannot and should not expect people to attend every single wedding event, especially a Sunday brunch after the wedding. Also, her approach and attitude about it were ATROCIOUS and no adult should act like that. Wedding stress or not, you don't come at someone like that. This dude's bachelor party almost completely fell apart because people were backing out left and right and so FI ended up ponying up and extra $600 to cover other people's asses so they could still do it, so the fact that this crazy ass bitch had the nerve to bitch him out over a brunch makes me want to crack her skull open. Guess who could have used that $600? US. Stop being so effing selfish.
{{I know some people will really love to read this}}
You get a Wedding DAY not a Wedding WEEKEND.
Your bridal party only needs to be there for the ceremony and the reception just like any other guest. It is NOT fair to hold them to coming to EVERY event you plan just because you asked for their support. You're not supposed to blackmail them with it, Jesus!
Good thing your FI told her off! Hope she's not dumb enough to call again.
PS-SHE CALLED ON MOTHER'S DAY??? WTF WAS SHE THINKING???
i agree with ribbons that "I definitely do not think that father's day is a "nothing holiday" or insignificant... for those of you who do, do you have a relationship with your father??" is judgey-- i have an amazing, very close relationship with my parents, but we don't celebrate at all except a small gift (ie flowers) and a phone call unless we're in the same place, in which case we'd go out to a meal too, but it wouldn't be a big deal to reschedule for a different day.
i do think it's bitchy of the bride to bitch out your fi, but fathers/mothers day wouldn't be a reason i'd miss a wedding event
It's not that I think fathers are not important it's just that I don't understand why you have to celebrate on the specific date. Maybe some people have something special that they always do, but to me it doesn't matter the day you celebrate. We see our fathers ALL the time and are VERY close. I'm sure they wouldn't mind going to a baseball game or out to dinner on a different day to celebrate if they knew the situation.
I'm not saying that the bride should have called and yelled, but people get so emtional when dealing with their weddings. She might have had this picture of everyone hanging out the next day and just didn't realize it was Father's Day. I don't think I would have.
@Kitty - I agree that you shouldn't be obligated to attend every single wedding event! I also agree that her approach was just awful. Very very rude and out of line for sure! I would just not go to the brunch and hopefully she'll just get over it. Maybe she'll realize how ridiculous she's being.
Glad I wasn't the only one to be caught off guard by CorgiTales comment. I have a great relationship with people in my life without celebrating hallmark holidays. Thanks.
Clearly Father's Day means more to some people than others; while it wasn't right for the bride to react that way, is it really fair to assume she should respect Fathers Day in the first place?
Fathers day or not if someone in my wedding party had stuff to do on the day after the wedding I would not expect them to stick around.
"is it really fair to assume she should respect Fathers Day in the first place?"
yes.
oh and LOL yeah calling on Mother's Day to bitch him out about not being there on Father's Day makes it that much more priceless and typical. Thankfully we were already home from celebrating Mother's Day.
Also, I'm jealous of all you people whose parents don't care that much about Mother's/Father's Day.
It's not that our parents don't care about the day it's just that they are very flexible and realize it's the sentiment not the date that is important. But, like I said others may have traditional plans so I understand that too.
honestly, i think a person's "responsibility" to a wedding extends only to the wedding day. you shouldn't be required to attend the day-after brunch. i will admit that i've never been in a wedding that had a day-after brunch so i don't fully understand the full importance in attending. though to me, i don't make any plans on father's and mother's day because that's set aside time to be with family. i'm assuming you'll need to visit with both fathers so getting an early start on the day is understandable.
i do agree that the bride should have been a lot more tactful and honestly, i'm not a big fan of accepting that kind of behavior just because they're having a wedding or whatever. i understand that planning a wedding is an extremely stressful event for some people, but it's always important to try to be in control of your emotions regardless. but that is neither here nor there.
I wonder if your FIs friend even knew that his FI was calling to complain about you guys not coming to the brunch. Some of her friends probably gassed her up to make that call and ended up causing a lot of bad blood.
As far as the brunch goes...even if it wasn't Father's Day I will be honest and say I more than likely wouldn't go. In all of the weddings that I have been a BM in, I am usually worn completely out by the time the reception is over so the last thing I want to do is socialize the day after the wedding. I am trying to get home to my own space and my own bed.
I think the point here is that the bride was inconsiderate of how other's handle this holiday (which by the way isn't a just a hallmark holiday. It began in the early 1900's when a woman wanted to celebrate her dad and all he had done and the idea caught on - I think mothers and fathers deserve a holiday in their honor. Yes, companies use it as a marketing campaign, but the same can be said of most holidays, special events, etc.- isn't that what a lot of companies do with weddings, and arent most of us feeding into that? Mini rant over.) As very clearly laid out above, we all have different feelings and ways of celebrating Fathers' Day, and the bride should realize that not everyone feels her day after brunch is more important than Fathers' Day. No, it isn't rude for her to schedule her wedding when she did, but she should not be mad or upset when her day after (not even the wedding itself) collides with someone's family obligations.
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