FI's grandfather adding to guest list

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lolalulu_24:  The two of you need to be united on this. Just tell them you it would be rude to invite these people after you have already drawn the line for your parents and yourselves.

Post # 3
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

lolalulu_24:  I don’t understand why people think they can invite who they want. If your parents are footing the bill, I’d say no to his grandfathers extra guests. I understand they’re family, but if your FI has never met them, then no. Too bad if your FIs parents get upset. It’s not their party! Stand your ground. 

Post # 4
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Something I would consider is how likely these great aunts and uncles are to come. Something similar happened to me, where my mom rather last minute wanted to add all my great aunts and uncles (these are people I know, however, but not all of them well). For me, this was 12 people. Only two of them ended up coming, and I think it was great because it provided at least two people that my grandparents knew, as the rest of my dad’s family was unrepresented. Some of the others ended up sending us gifts, which isn’t the worst. Basically, my point is it may not be something to pick your battle on, if they are unlikely to actually attend and increase your costs on the day. 

Post # 5
93 posts
Worker bee

I think if your parents are footing the bill, you are already over the limit and you closed the list months ago, the answer should be a clear no. As many PPs before have said, its your event and your FILs arent contributing, so while it may be “special” at this point its a bit inconsiderate to your parents. 

Post # 7
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just keep saying no. Honestly this is not the time for his grandfather to have a “special” moment. There’s no reason these people need to be invited.

Post # 8
3653 posts
Sugar bee


lolalulu_24:  They made hotel reservation, without a save-the-date, or invitation? Good Lord!!!

Post # 9
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Is there any chance they will crash even if Not invited?

Post # 10
7936 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would do anything my grandparents wanted. Theyre not around forever.

Post # 11
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014


I agree. I know how much my great aunt (shes like a granmother to me) treasures the times that she and all of her sisters were together. I would love the chance to provide such a memory.

Post # 12
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

lolalulu_24:  So they want your parents to fork out more money for 6 extra people you guys don’t even know??

My answer would be a very clear, unwavering no.

How special is it really going to be for these people to attend a wedding of someone they don’t even know..? In my opinion, they’re asking too much. You’ve drawn a line with guest numbers, stick to it.

Post # 14
7936 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

lolalulu_24:  I mean I would leave it up to your FI as it’s his grandfather but yeah, 6 more people isnt likely to put your fam in the poor house if they’re already paying for a big wedding. In 5 years no one will notice the extra couple hundred $$ , but will his grandfather be hurt and offended and not think the same of his grandson? that’s worth more than a few hundred if that would be the case. 

Post # 15
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

lolalulu_24:  Here’s a useful phrase:  “So what?”

So what if they get upset?  What they are asking is unreasonable.  You and your parents are paying for the wedding, there are very real and significant costs associated with adding six extra guests, I assume you have space limitations and the guest list has been finalized and invitations sent.  

If you have extra space to allow these additions, then simply tell your FIL’s that if they are willing to pay for these additions, you’ll allow then – otherwise, no.  

If you don’t have the space, then your FI needs to tell them that you are very sorry, but its simply not possible.  If they get upset, he can tell them he’s very sorry they are dissapointed and then get off the phone.  He doesn’t need to indulge their upset or make it his job to appease or soothe them.  

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