Post # 1
FI’s grandfather has asked him to invite his siblings to our wedding. FI is not particularly close to grandfather at all, and has never met these additional guests – 6 total. Initially, the answer from FI (I didn’t even know about this) was a clear no. Now, FILs have asked saying that “it would be special” to grandfather to invite these people. We closed our guest list months ago and have stopped my parents from adding more guests. I’m pretty frustrated with this as we already have a list that is 35 people over the original 100 we had planned; both FI and I don’t want to add more, especially people we don’t know. However, I’m afraid FI’s parents are going to get upset (as they have with nearly every decision we’ve made). At the same time, my parents are footing the bill and will be upset with this additional expense…. help!!! please!
Post # 2
lolalulu_24: The two of you need to be united on this. Just tell them you it would be rude to invite these people after you have already drawn the line for your parents and yourselves.
Post # 3
lolalulu_24: I don’t understand why people think they can invite who they want. If your parents are footing the bill, I’d say no to his grandfathers extra guests. I understand they’re family, but if your FI has never met them, then no. Too bad if your FIs parents get upset. It’s not their party! Stand your ground.
Post # 4
Something I would consider is how likely these great aunts and uncles are to come. Something similar happened to me, where my mom rather last minute wanted to add all my great aunts and uncles (these are people I know, however, but not all of them well). For me, this was 12 people. Only two of them ended up coming, and I think it was great because it provided at least two people that my grandparents knew, as the rest of my dad’s family was unrepresented. Some of the others ended up sending us gifts, which isn’t the worst. Basically, my point is it may not be something to pick your battle on, if they are unlikely to actually attend and increase your costs on the day.
Post # 5
I think if your parents are footing the bill, you are already over the limit and you closed the list months ago, the answer should be a clear no. As many PPs before have said, its your event and your FILs arent contributing, so while it may be “special” at this point its a bit inconsiderate to your parents.
Post # 6
wubewe: Yes, good point and a question I did ask myself before I got really frustrated. Answer is, they are probably going to attend if invited – they made hotel reservations! I think the grandfather told them to, expecting they’d be invited. Terribly awkward, and the whole principle of it just drives me nuts!!
Post # 7
Just keep saying no. Honestly this is not the time for his grandfather to have a “special” moment. There’s no reason these people need to be invited.
Post # 8
lolalulu_24: They made hotel reservation, without a save-the-date, or invitation? Good Lord!!!
Post # 9
Is there any chance they will crash even if Not invited?
Post # 10
I would do anything my grandparents wanted. Theyre not around forever.
Post # 11
I agree. I know how much my great aunt (shes like a granmother to me) treasures the times that she and all of her sisters were together. I would love the chance to provide such a memory.
Post # 12
lolalulu_24: So they want your parents to fork out more money for 6 extra people you guys don’t even know??
My answer would be a very clear, unwavering no.
How special is it really going to be for these people to attend a wedding of someone they don’t even know..? In my opinion, they’re asking too much. You’ve drawn a line with guest numbers, stick to it.
Post # 13
PABride: Yes! The grandfather booked rooms knowing that the inn we reserved would book up….
MrsBuesleBee: + Bookaholic: I certainly understand your perspectives, and if FI had that kind of relationship with his grandfather, and this would truly be meaningful to the grandfather I’d be more open to this. However the grandfather had made plans to visit these proposed guests (who live an hour away from the wedding venue) while he is over and thought since he’s staying with some of them in the week leading up to the wedding they should be invited…. That’s what he told FI when he first asked – that it would be a way for him to “repay” them for their hospitality… only on my parents dime!!
thenewmrsmax: I hope not! I think they actually know better – grandfather is insisting a save-the-date and invitation be sent.
Post # 14
lolalulu_24: I mean I would leave it up to your FI as it’s his grandfather but yeah, 6 more people isnt likely to put your fam in the poor house if they’re already paying for a big wedding. In 5 years no one will notice the extra couple hundred $$ , but will his grandfather be hurt and offended and not think the same of his grandson? that’s worth more than a few hundred if that would be the case.
Post # 15
lolalulu_24: Here’s a useful phrase: “So what?”
So what if they get upset? What they are asking is unreasonable. You and your parents are paying for the wedding, there are very real and significant costs associated with adding six extra guests, I assume you have space limitations and the guest list has been finalized and invitations sent.
If you have extra space to allow these additions, then simply tell your FIL’s that if they are willing to pay for these additions, you’ll allow then – otherwise, no.
If you don’t have the space, then your FI needs to tell them that you are very sorry, but its simply not possible. If they get upset, he can tell them he’s very sorry they are dissapointed and then get off the phone. He doesn’t need to indulge their upset or make it his job to appease or soothe them.