Post # 1
My fiance’s parents are in NO way contributing to the wedding financially. I don’t have any sisters, just a brother (who I adore and I am very close to). I have one bridesmaid, my best friend of 20 years and that’s all. My fiance’s little sister called yesterday pitching a fit that she wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. She is 19 and I am 30. We aren’t close and rarely see each other. She always expects me to give her things and expected me to purchase her bridesmaid dress/hair appointment as well. I don’t understand her issue. I am having a small wedding and I don’t feel comfortable asking her to be in the wedding party or be a part of the shower planning and bachelorette weekend. She doesn’t know enough about me and we don’t have much in common. She would expect me to pay her way and I can’t afford to do that (nor do I want to). I have asked her and my brother and fiance’s brother to be ushers. (FI is having his BFF as best man too). I am paying for the entire wedding myself and feel that it’s my decision. She claims that she’s been invited to be in another wedding and isn’t going to come to ours. She’s in college and we help pay her tuition, cell phone and car/insurance payments. I know I am ranting. But am I being unreasonable by letting this bother me?
Post # 3
Why are you paying her tuition, cell and car/insurance??
No, you aren’t being unreasonable. If you don’t want her in it, don’t have her. Period.
Post # 4
Um no, that would bother me too. She feels entitled and I can’t stand that type of attitude. That being said, she is your FI’s sister. I’d first ask him how he feels about it. If he feels more comfortable having her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’d invite her (hating it the whole time obviously) and I’d tell her you’re NOT paying for her dress. That’s not something you should HAVE to do. Maybe you’ll get your way and she won’t want to be one if you’re not paying her way? And I think that’s horrible that she’s planning on not attending her brothers wedding, yikes.
Post # 5
Dont worry. Its your wedding and you cant make EVERYONE happy. Maybe your Fiance can help with talking to his sis about it & why she wasnt chosen .. money wise or she just doesnt know you.
Post # 6
Why are you paying all of this for her anyway? You are not obligated to have her in the wedding. How does your Fiance feel about it? Maybe you should share wyour concerns with him and see what he says. She sounds like she’s being a brat!
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re not unreasonable at all for letting it bother you. Are she and your Fiance close? Would it help if he talked to her about it? Try to stand your ground, explain to her why she hasn’t been asked to be a bridesmaid, and don’t let her bully you. IMO, your justification is very reasonable. While I’m sure it will be very disappointing to you and your Fiance if she doesn’t attend your wedding, she is an adult, it’s her decision whether she chooses to attend, and ultimately, it will be her loss if she doesn’t. Good luck and big hugs!
Post # 8
Thank you! I feel much better just having someone agree! He said he doesn’t see any reason for her to be a part of it. So I will just smile and pretend I don’t have a clue that she’s mad (she told him, not me).
Post # 9
Wait you help her pay her tuition etc? Then you two sound pretty close… where are her parents??? Also, I think you should put her in the wedding party… but she should pay for all the expenses herself like every other bridesmaid… just explain that to her
Post # 10
Well, regarding the coming to the wedding part – if I had a close friend who asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and the wedding was the same day as a brother I wasn’t close to who was marrying a woman I didn’t like – I would definitely want to attend my friend’s wedding. I’d feel pressure to do the “right”/taditional thing and put family first but if I wasn’t asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man I might feel that meant hey, they aren’t doing the “tradition”/”right” putting family first thing so why should I? Can’t I go to my friend’s wedding? It could be a tipping/last straw thing.
Aside from that minor point about attending the wedding and her possible reasoning I vote don’t ask her.
You are not obligated to have her in your party and I would not ask her. It’s asking for trouble and IMO the point of a bridal party is having those close to you around and supporting you, you deserve that.
Post # 11
um shes insane. just tell her no.