- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
So a bit of an intimate one here, so feel free to stop here…
I have a fairly high sex drive, I watch porn sometimes, I have various ‘toys’, I like to be adventurous. With all my previous sexual partners it has been anywhere any time, multiple times, dressing up, experimentation, role play etc. Me and FI have been together almost 4yrs, getting married in 5 weeks. Our sex life has never been AMAZING. At the beginning it was, ok, we would sext each other quite a bit, we tried a few different positions etc however he is a little shorter than me, which isn’t an issue, but some positions just aren’t possible. We did long distance for the first 12 months so when we saw each other on weekends we would usually have a nice meal and drinks home or out, clubbing with friends etc and usually always ended up having sex whenever we saw each other (due to seeing each other only once a week, being a new relationship and alcohol!)
His labido seems to have gotten lower and lower over the years, he seems to always want to revert to mitionary, occasionally me on top, but I have to make him! Sometimes it’s pretty great when he is drunk, he is open to more, even lets me perform oral (this only happens when he’s drunk, the rest of the time he says he doesn’t like it?!). Over the last 12 months or so it’s this short mitionary every couple of weeks perhaps.
I have had the conversation with him more times than I can remember, usually he either tells me to stop being silly, say nothing’s wrong, say’s he’s just really tired/stressed, say’s he’s not in the mood etc. I asked him if it was me, he said no many times. Once about 8 months ago he told me that well I had put on a lot of weight and stopped working out and stopped making an effort (as in came home from work and would get in my comfy clothes etc, in other words, not my best sexy outfit and suspenders!) and that this wasn’t exactly helping his labido. I was really upset by this and said he should love and want me the way that I am, bigger or smaller. He felt terrible, cried, apologies etc etc. However I couldn’t shake it, and although I did it for myself mainly (I knew that I had let myself go with a stressful new job, back injury and a period of relapse with depression etc) I joined slimming world and have lost 15lbs so far (over the last 3 months) and started working out again. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable enough with my body since what he said to be wearing sexy outfits etc, although have a few times after a few drinks! Which is when we both seem to have more fun which is terrible really lol
The problem is I have tried to suggest things and he is never up for it. I have asked his opinion on things he might like me to wear, things we could watch/play with together, different positions etc but he is never keen. Just 5-10mins in the dark mitionary or me on top ever 2 weeks, that’s as good as it get’s. Now I feel bad because I often think back on past experiences, it’s not about the guy, but the experience get’s me excited and I feel so quilty. I want to be doing that with FI but no matter what I do he either get’s deffensive or just say’s no, It’s because I’m too tired, or don’t be silly etc. Not sure what to do 🙁
Our relationship is great otherwise, I love him with all my heart, we both work hard and long hours so I know there are times when I am tired and not in the mood, or AF is in town, but I just think we aren’t even married yet…..anyone else in a simular position, or have been in that position and have any suggestions?