FI's Low Sex Drive

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@anonbeezy124:  Ok a few things, don’t feel bad if he doesn’t want to have sex if you initiate things. What caused the work related stress to dissipate? Did he lose some responsibility at work or something? Could he be feeling emasculated or something?

I have been with my FI since we were 16, and our sex life is very different now to how it was when we were younger. What changed was our hormones, you’re not teenagers any more. Maybe he just has a low sex drive? If he’s not masturbating regularly that sounds like it’s probably the case. 

If you have a higher sex drive than him then you should initiate sex when you want it, it’s not the end of the world to be the one who wants it more than he does. 🙂


Post # 5
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@anonbeezy124:  Yeah I get it being a big change. My FI and I have been together since we were teenagers, and after 2 years of going bananas all over each other every time we saw each other our hormones died down. Now we have sex in cycles depending on whether or not I’m working or not and our monthly average is a lot lower than it used to be. 😉 Such is life!

Post # 6
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anonbeezy124:  I’m sorry it’s bothering you! My FH and myself have gone through similar spells (especially when I was working and going to college) where the bed was a place to sleep. That’s it. It might take some coaxing of the flames, but just talk to him! Tell him that you would like for him to start things sometimes. Ask him if there is anything he needs from you as well! I think it’s easy to get into a rut. And it’s hard not to equate not having regular sex to not being desired. Just talk to him about it! 🙂 

Post # 7
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@anonbeezy124:  For two people who are intimate but have low sex drives, it can be easy to get into a comfort rut. If you find yourselves hanging out in the living room in sweatpants every night it can be hard to find feel passionate. Start discussing this before you work on the physical part. Tell him you find him sexy, masculine. That he can set aside his stress and fears with you. 

And this is not a “have a date night!” solution. If you are struggling with identifying the problem, you will only understand it by asking him. And it needs to be an on-going discussion. A lot of men find it hard to describe their emotions. He may not know why he feels the way he does – or he may not have noticed. Men are not light switches. They can feel just as unattractive, detached, and confused about sex as women can.

I would work on lower-leve physicial intimacy – kissing him longer, hugging him more, wearing more revealing clothes to bed, asking him to take a shower with you, etc. 

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