FI's new job, feeling neglected, venting :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mademoisellesacha:  oh hun, HUGS. This IS hard. I’m going through something similar, just newly married, and my DH is 1 year into a very hard job and he’s constantly traveling and I feel SO neglected at home all the freaking time! I’m holding on to the hope that he’s doing this for our family and that things will get better, but it’s tough. However, my DH has been working for 10+ years, I also trust him to push back when things are unreasonable. It sounds like your FI is new at working and doesn’t know when to push back yet. He ABSOLUTELY should be fighting for the right to have his honeymoon. He should not be missing something important like that or downsizing it because of his job. At the end of the day, your relationship should be more important than his job. 

 

I think you guys do need to have a good talk and make sure that long-term, he has the wellbeing of you, and the family in mind. That wellbeing is not just financial – it also requires his time and emotions. 

Post # 4
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mademoisellesacha:  Oh man 🙁  This is unfortunate timing.  I feel for you, but I also understand the position your FI is in. 

I work in a ‘schmoozy’ industry, where customers are getting entertained by our salesmen regularly.  At the moment, it’s so soon after he started the job that he’s still proving himself.  He’s probably going above and beyond in order to cement his position.  In the beginning, until he’s established, it will work in his favor to be available when they need him, to do just about whatever they want. 

I know it’s rough, but it shouldn’t last.  He can start tapering it down and setting boundaries as he goes.

I think a good talk with him about what his long term goals are would be a good thing.  Tell him how you’re feeling, and get a sense of whether or not there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Any chance you could postpone the honeymoon toward the end of the year?  Depending on where you wanted to go, you could get a really nice change of scenery/climate, and he’d have some more flexibility by then.

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@mademoisellesacha:  1. Props for self awareness. Don’t think you’re selfish, just think that you might need more than he can give right now. 

2. Outsource EVERYTHING that you can that’s giving you stress. If wedding planning is giving you stress, hire a planner. The whole point of the big fancy job is to pay for things you don’t want to do / don’t have time for. If he has a big fancy job, let him cover the cost of professionals helping you with wedding planning. 

3. Corporate travel can often go like that, especially in a high growth company. He’s young and single (as in not married) so he’s the one that gets sent. If he starts saying “No” and setting boundaries now, they’ll stop giving him plum assignments. 

4. Put off the honeymoon in the busy season. If he gets time off, he might be stressing, knowing that the office is swamped and he might go back to a total mess. It’s not worth it. Put it off to the holidays, when no one is working anyway. 

5. Speaking of holidays, pick and choose your “obligations” – as an adult, you are only obliged to that you have committed to. 

6. 2 week’s vacation – not sure what his point was there, since I assumed you guys were going to vacation together every vacation, but I’ve been wrong before. Dedicating a full week of vacation can be hard when you have only 2 weeks and none banked up. You are worth it, but maybe not right now. For example, at my 1st job, I never took vacation because I only had 2 weeks and if something happened, it would be nice to cash it out and get a cushion going. Just a thought. 

7. Your dad’s opinion – unless he’s in the same industry, it’s not really the same. Times have changed. We are all asked to do more with fewer resources. In my industry, nothing turns off – it’s a 24/7 world. We sometimes do conference calls as late / early as 2 am. A manager might give him the time off, but if he’s percieved as not available, that’s not good. 

You’re dealing with tough, early career stuff. Slow your roll, spend time with your family and animals – it will get better. I’m sure your FI is trying to shore up your financial future by investing in his career now. 

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