(Closed) FI’s parents are driving me crazy!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bichon Frise:  At this point are you able to ‘take control’ over the rehersal dinner and add money to what he has given to add more food? As far as those family members, if he does not call them then remind him they will not have a place at the wedding and the blame willbe soley placed on him.

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I know some annoying tightwads like your ffil! I think its ok to vent and feel annoyed. Honestly if my FFILs host the rehearsal dinner as long as they dont do anything crazy Im going to stay out of it and focus on the wedding. Having people pay for things is great, but it also means that you have to comprise a little bit and&nbsp;work on their budget.&nbsp;<br /><br />As for some of the little annoying things you mention, it really depends on the wedding, not everyone sends an invite for the reshearsal dinner so most people wont miss it, I think sending out invites to one side of the guest is a little rude so I would advise againist that. Some rehearsal dinners are huge, but I am keeping mines small and its not out o the ordinary, we will have a lot of oot guest, so my uncle and aunt are probably going to host a welcome bbq and we will go there after our dinner. You can do something like that, or have every one meetup to hangout at one location.Alcohol agian a lot of rehearsal dinners Ive been too have been dry, limited bar, and some open bar. We can afford it but arent doing one, because I dont want people getting wasted before the wedding, and I know some people will pull back knowing their is an open bar the next night, so there are some good things about doing that.

People try to save money in a lot of ways, and if you look around the bee, its not unusual to bring in your own wine and pay a corkage fee if the place allows it, and it saves a lot of money! The only thing I think is out line is not providing soda or juice for the guest. Perhaps you guys can pay for that portion of the dinner probably shouldnt be too much.He seems to being annoying, but not totally unreasonable, perhaps his manner and the way he communicates with you guys is part of the issue.

At least he is being honest about what he is willing to do and not, I would make the guest rsvp with someone else even if FIL is techinial thehost. All in the things he are suggesting arent out of the norm or unreasonable. But I see how his manner and the way he speaks to you guys would be annoying. I think as long as you keep it in perspective, and just be happy its money you guys dont have shell out should be fine.

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Bichon Frise:  Yikes!  This sounds…extremely frustrating.

Yes, I have been through something similiar with my in laws.  They were completely generous and willing to pay what it cost for our “rehearsal” dinner (really our wedding dinner because we got married at city hall with just immediate family and had a lovely dinner afterwards.  Our reception was the next day), but were not willing to do any work for it.  I had a complete meltdown about it because I was already planning the reception, doing a lot of DIY, dealing with all the vendors, etc.  It was lovely of them to host (pay), but I was so frustrated that it got thrown in my lap.  My DH took over the planning of the dinner.  He dealt with the venue, etc.  Is this an option for you?  Just tell him to deal with his dad.

Honestly, I would tell your FFIL to just write you a cheque and you will cover the plans and any extra costs.  This sucks, but will probably be less stressful for you.  I agree that this is probably what he wants.  Not fair, but he’s not being gracious…I just wouldn’t want to deal with him.

If you send invitations, are they going to say that he is hosting?  

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Bichon Frise:  That sounds like a good plan.  I definitely don’t think that you’re being too hard on him… I think that he’s being honest when he says he doesn’t want to do any work and just wants to enjoy himself, but that obviously doesn’t help you and does just create more stress.

At this point in the game (you are getting close!), I would do whatever you need to do to keep things as stress-free as possible.  Don’t feel bad about it!  He probably has no clue that he’s being annoying.

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

That is a good idea. Also I agree the groomsman should be responible to pay for the wine.

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