(Closed) I'll never be "one of the girls."

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Don’t compete in a race that’s already rigged.

Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be sweet, kind, daughterly, all those things. But don’t do it in order to gain anything, do it because that how we treat our In Laws, for our husband’s sake if no one else’s. Let her love all over Isabel. Don’t try to win that because you won’t.

Your poor FI. Imagine what it’s been like his whole life to be in his sister’s shadow like that. As painful as it must be to feel slighted by a MIL, think how much worse it is when it’s your mother. 

I suggest that you and your FI just do your own thing, and let Luke and Isabel do theirs. In the long run, your In Laws will appreciate your just being yourselves.

Edit: Fixing mine as well!

Post # 6
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsCreeToBe:  No worries. Hang around here long enough, and you’ll notice that posts on Sunday nights are often a little soggy from the vino. 

But honestly, don’t try to be one of the girls. It’s not something that can be made to happen. This is a lot of In Law drama – the family has its dynamic, and we’re trying to find out how we fit into that. DH’s family are awesome and have been so welcoming and loving to me, but it’ll take time to find how I fit. I will likely have my own, unique relationships to people, totally unlike what they already have with each other.

Post # 7
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsCreeToBe:  You confused me! Lol.  I don’t know why they’d let basically the same name go through…I think she has an underscore?  Anyway!

 

My fiance’s older brother is a complete jerk about who’s in the family and who’s not.  We were all down in NC for a vacation, and he was like, “Time for a group photo!” So we all had to go out on the deck in the 100 degree weather.  Older brother is married with two kids, younger sister has a boyfriend, and younger brother has a girlfriend.  So we’re all in the first photo.  Then older brother says, “Family only!” So I leave, the the aforementioned boyfriend and girlfriend leave, and so does older brother’s wife.  He calls her back, and my fiance called me back…and older brother was like, “She’s not family.”  GOSH THANKS.  So you know what?  I don’t care.  I love my fiance, I love his sister (she is my best friend), but his older brother is an asshat.  For the past five years he’s gone out of his way to make me feel like I don’t belong.  WELL…tough luck!

You don’t have to be best friends with his sister.  If she is going to act cold toward you, that’s her business.  Don’t worry about it, and she’ll eventually see how great you are.  

Post # 10
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsCreeToBe:  Yeah.  My point is that it’s not always easy to get along with your inlaws.  After that vacation I kind of want nothing to do with his mom, too….UGH.  His dad always says really racist things about Obama…my god they’re kind of awful.  Haha.  Ha.

And really the only thing I can say for you is to just…keep being the person you are, and hopefully you’ll be seen as part of their family.  Maybe it just takes time.  A lot of time.  =)  

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