Post # 1
FI’s sister, who lives next door to us, will not be attending our wedding because *drumroll* she has to work.
We set the date (January 5, 2013) on the day we got engaged (January 10, 2012), so his entire family has known for almost a year when the wedding was. She started a new job in November and a few weeks after stated that she didn’t think she could come because of work, and last week she confirmed that she can’t come because work will be busy at that time. For the record, she’s a massage therapist at a hotel spa (with a huge staff). I respect what she does for a living 100%, and she’s great at it, but… to me not coming to your brother’s wedding because of work implies that your job has some kind of urgent factor (emergency room, EMT, law enforcement), not reservations made by tourists weeks in advance. I get that she hasn’t been at the job terribly long, but if I had the wedding of a loved on to go to, I’d ask my supervisor as far in advance as possible, and offer to swap days/work extra if it were any kind of inconvenience. And I think most supervisors would be willing to work something out for an immediate relative’s wedding.
My thought is that she didn’t even ask for the time off, she just decided she’s not friggin’ coming. Which… whatever. She’s not my sister. I’m sort of offended, but mostly I feel badly for FI that his own sibling isn’t gonna show, and for a pretty lame reason.
What I wanna know is… does this excuse sound lame to anyone else? My mom says super lame… but another relative I spoke to disagreed. At this point I’m really not going to make a big deal out of it, but I just want perspective. What do you ladies think?
Post # 3
At my workplace a new staff member with 2 months experience wouldn’t have a chance of getting the day off.
Post # 4
If she just started this job in November, she might really not have the time off. Maybe more senior staff members already put in for vacation and she can’t take off because of them.
it seems really weird that your FIs family would be ok with her not coming.
is it a destination wedding?
Post # 5
Unless you KNOW she didn’t ask, then I think she just may have, A lot of places don’t give you time off in your first 2 months of work. Perhaps she is worried they won’t think she’s a good employee if she’s asking for time off within 2 months of starting? If she’d had this job a long time I’d say lame excuse, but since she just started, her career and income may just trump a wedding.
Post # 6
@lanalnoco: LAME! Poor excuse and I feel that if she really wanted to come she would’ve have been able to get the time off. Is your FI and his sister close? And do you get along with her? Just trying to figure out why she isn’t trying to make it happen…
Post # 7
Lame-O! I honestly think she could get off for one day. It’s not a DW is it?
Post # 8
If she he just started in Nov. then and yes many companies especially around holidays are short staffed as is. Workers who have seniority get time off requests honored first before upstarts. As disappointing as it is, your not covering her bills. cut her some slack.
Post # 9
My co-worker experienced this personally — a very close family member is getting married next week and she asked for time off for it months ago and was assured it’d work out. Nobody said anything for like two months and then she asked again three weeks ago to make sure everything was ok. No one said anything for ANOTHER week. Then she was told no, and “you should have said something sooner.”
She’s very non-confrontational so she just took it. I wouldn’t have… but I’m just saying at a very busy or inattentive workplace, this can totally happen. It might not be a lame excuse.
Post # 10
As others posters have said, a lot of workplaces will hesitate to give time off to new employees and, given that this is generally the holiday season for a lot of people, there’s a good chances that her co-workers have already applied for leave around this time, so her bosses may genuinely not be able to spare her. She could also feel bad asking for time off (I know this is something I struggle with – I’d rather keel over from exhaustion than ask for a break!).
It’s also possible that she doesn’t like weddings – not necessarily your wedding, but weddings in general. I can’t stand weddings, and I’ll usually avoid them like the plague unless it’s a very close friend or family member and, even then, if an excuse comes up, I’ll usually jump at it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friend/family member or their marriage – I just don’t care for getting dressed up to sit around watching people talk about how much they love each other. I also don’t drink or dance much, so even the receptions are pretty dull for me. I don’t know your FSIL, but I can definitely understand someone not being excited for a wedding and taking time off work to attend.
Post # 11
@julies1949: May I ask what kind of job you have/business you work in? It seems weird to me because, though I can’t take off whenever I want, if something is important, my bosses have always been understanding… but I work in education. Maybe people are nicer :-
@PinkPinstripes: Maybe. I just think she didn’t ask. No one in his family has said anything to me about her not coming. I only found out because I asked FI who was giving her a ride to the wedding (she doesn’t drive), and he told me about her “having to work”or whatever. It’s not a DW… at least not for her. It’s a 30 minute drive from our house. My mom is here from another country… but his family is all local.
@lia22: I think she didn’t ask… that she’s too shy or doesn’t wanna come for whatever reason. I’m annoyed because she spent a lot of time refusing to work out of her own stubbornness, living off her mom, and now she’s putting her job before her family? Just strikes me as weird.
@JBtimestwo: FI & her aren’t best friends, but they see each other every day and talk. They do each other favors. We was great to me when we met, then she decided she hated me (over stupid, insane, irrational sh!t I won’t get into here), then she decided she liked me again. I see her most days and we speak some. We don’t hang out, but being that she almost never leaves her room (except to go to work, a recent occurance… by her choice), how could I? She will now be the only unmarried one of her siblings, and my FI is the baby… so I thought maybe she’s sad/mad/whatever about being the only single one, but IDK.
@bluebelle23: I agree. It’s not a DW. It’s 30 minutes from where we live. My mom is here from another country, so it’s destination for her… but everyone in his fam is from here.
Post # 12
I don’t know I think it’s a major event for her to miss. However given how tough it is to find a job, I don’t think she could just leave especially if she has bills to pay. I think her reason is legit even if it blows. In most places I worked from retail to even my corporate position there has always been a 90 day probationary period so it’s normal and she is probably telling the truth.
Let her work it out with her brother, and let it go.
Post # 13
I worked retail and I was in my best friend’s wedding.
I nearly had to do unfavorable things to get the day off and I was a part of the bridal party. Unless you know different, give her the benefit of the doubt. Getting off work is tough sometimes.
ETA: I applied for the day off the day I was hired (About 3 months prior to the wedding) and I had a lot of difficulty getting the day off. I was so, so, so blessed that one of my co-workers heard my plea and was able to cover for me, which was lucky because we were specifically trained for our department (I was hunting) and he was also in hunting.
Post # 14
@bklynbridetobe: Actually, I have been covering her bills at some points… and I feel annoyed that she spent a long time actively CHOOSING not to work and turning down offers because she’s tempermental, and now all of the sudden it’s work first? Weird… and she didn’t bother to tell me she wasn’t coming. FI had to ask her. I just find it all sort of awkward.
@Bebealways: Yeah I can see that happening… though I’d try my best to get around it. I just don’t think she even asked, but I won’t push the issue.
@LadyElva: I get the not wanting to ask for time off thing… I hate it, too… but I feel like she should have for her brother. And she had HER dress for the wedding before I had mine. Soooo I thought she was down to come? IDK. It’s all weird. I have a feeling she didn’t want to ask for the time at the new job AND is upset about being the only unmarried sibling now… :-
Post # 15
@lanalnoco: I am a Registered Nurse. Our vacation time is done a year ahead by seniority. I only got one day of the dates I requested for vacation in 2013.
As for people in Education being nicer, I doubt that has anything to do with it. We have had many posts from teachers unable to get time off for almost anything during the school year.
Post # 16
I think this is a lame excuse, because most employers are open to discussing scheduled upcoming vacations during the hiring process. I took a one week vacation two months after receiving a promotion for a different department within my hospital. It was considered a new job, and I openly informed them that I had a trip planned in two months. They were completely fine with it.
If she asked and was denied is one thing, but if she didn’t even try, then it is totally lame!