(Closed) FI’s Stalker!!! (Long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Anonymous1223:  Honestly, this happened with my ex bf when we lived together and was part of the reason we ended breaking up. The constant pressure on our relationship and threat of my safety, in particular, was causing a huge amount of stress.

I know you don’t want to place that restraining order, but if the opportunity comes again, do NOT pass it up. She will not stop until she gets help.

Post # 4
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Unfortunately I had the stalker. It went on for 3 years. He would leave me alone and then I would get a letter in the mail or an email months later. I tried to ignore it, but I am very confrontational so I would always respond, but not in a nice way. The last letter I got was in November, and the stalker was saying he hoped we could be together for Thanksgiving. What?!?! I responded (I know, I know) and said that if the letters and emails continued I would have no choice but to file for a restraining order and place harrassment charges on him since I have asked him to leave me alone repetadly. So far I haven’t heard anything since. 

These people really have something mentally wrong with them and unfortunately unless they receive mental help on their own, they will continue to be this way.

Post # 5
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Yikes, I don’t really have any advice, just really sorry you have to deal with this. Please be very careful, it’s obvious she feels you somehow ‘stole’ him from her and her actions are already on the violent side.

Post # 6
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Anonymous1223:  This is so scary, and frustrating.  She isn’t right in the head, and I hate to say it, but if she and her new guy break up, she will likely be all over you guys again.

It’s hard to say what motivates people like this.  Often it is a true mental disorder that is undiagnosed becasue they don’t seek help.  Sometimes they are harmless, sometimes not so harmless.

I have no suggestions, other than watch your backs!

Post # 7
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d get the restraining order. ASAP. It might make her stay away this time. The whole situation sounds awful and good for you for how you have dealt with it!

Post # 8
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Nothing quite this severe, but DH’s ex didn’t know when to quit.  She would keep calling and calling.  Even her mom and grandma were sending Darling Husband facebook messages asking why he was no longer a part of their lives.  He changed his number 3 times and kept finding out his number (we honestly still do not know how).  She even texted him sometime last year telling Darling Husband that she was getting married.  I just didn’t understand why!!  I was annoyed with all of that.  OP, I don’t know how you’ve managed to deal w/it. 

Post # 9
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Get the restraining order.

It was kind of you (and more than she deserved) to let her off the hook the first time with the hope that she would snap out of it.

She’s interfering with your life and your relationship. It needs to stop. Period.

Post # 11
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I went through a similar situation where the chick would call our phones all the time leaving insane messages and showed up at the house once….. I went off and we havnt heard from her since…..

In your situation the first mistake was dropping the charge. You need to stick to your guns and keep it! I would let the police know that the vehicle has been tampered with. You may not be able to prove its her but at least its documented for when you DO catch her!


Post # 12
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

My Fiance had a F* buddy too and lived in the same apartment building as her. He stopped a couple years before he met with me, but he remained friends with her because she isn’t in her right mind, and didn’t want to cause trouble, she was in a mental institution before and she got an engagement ring with his credit card and everything, and still has no social skills. When he moved in with me in my house 4 years ago, I was downstairs in the moving truck and he was upstairs getting the couch. she came from her work (someone must have called her from the apartment building, probably one of her friends because she was in her uniform including the hairnet) she cornered me in the truck and beat me with a hammer. Then she went upstairs to tell my Fiance she had beaten me up and Fiance dropped the couch against the door to get to me. I was crying in the truck becasue my cell phone was in the front seat and I was at the back, guarding the truck, so couldn’t call 9-1-1…..plus being beaten with a hammer kind of hurts…. so after we loaded the truck we went to the police station, filed a report along with photos of the bruises that were starting to emerge, and that was it. She’s on file, no charges were laid, we thought it best, the police KNOWS who she is.  She hasn’t been in contact with either of us since then.

With the dropped couch…. it took us a good 15 minutes to get the door open enough for me to squeeze through to get the couch off the door so we could open the door!

Post # 13
674 posts
Busy bee

If you haven’t documented the damage to the car with the police, go ahead and do that if you still can. Even if they can’t charge her with anything due to lack of evidence, it will be part of the file should she do anything else and there is evidence to start the restraining order again.

If it happened at work, is there any kind of security for the building? They might be able to advise him where to park that’s visible to cameras or something. They also might want to know if he has someone after him who is targeting him at work. I know that my guy had an issue where the company felt they should take a precaution and tighten up security for a couple of days after a problem with an employee’s wife. They never really believed she would do anything physical, but they used it as an opportunity to review their procedures.

It’s a good sign that she’s getting more passive in her attacks with every threat of getting caught. But, the fact that she keeps coming back to try new tactics is scary. She hasn’t been set straight, and she clearly didn’t take the threat of police action that seriously if she continues to try and push the envelope in new ways.

Post # 15
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Anonymous1223:  What kind of proof did you get that she did it? That is great that something will be one, maybe this will get her to stop once and for all.

Post # 16
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Anonymous1223:  That’s great news! I hope it finally stops and you and your Fiance can move on with your lives together without her being such a nusance. Just curious, how did you get proof that she damaged his car?

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