Post # 1
Need to vent!!!
I have emailed FI’s step mom, asking for her side of the families addresses so that I can send out Save the Dates and invitations and 2 sets of RSVPs later down the road. I haven’t received the addresses and brought it up in conversation to my FI just recently, that I need to remind her to send me the addresses. No big deal, right? Wrong…
I suppose a comment was made that she wants us to send her all of her family’s invitations (about 6 invites and 10 – 15 people), and that she will hand them out. This is the reason she has not given me the address. REALLY?! Seriously?!
If it comes down to it, I will stand my ground (once again), and I simply will not invite that side of the family if we don’t get the addresses. Although, we are sincere in inviting them with all of our hearts and it is propert to have them get invitations in the correct way.
I just don’t get it.
Anyone else had to deal with this?
** Adding this **
I forgot to add, we still have to mail the 6 to 7 invitations to her house so that she can hand them out They live in another state. What’s the point then? I get it if they live here – And chances are, I may hand them to friends rather than mail them in my area. So I suppose she wants me to address all envelopes to her home so she can hand them out. It doesn’t save me money.
This is a control issue I believe. Just a couple of months ago, she had asked me to do something with her, and I very respectfully and in the sincerest of minds, declined and she went off. It took my FI and I completely off gaurd. Completely! We saw another side we had never seen and did not know existed. To the point she actually apologized the next day to me and I still respectfully declines. Ever since then, it has been WEIRD and I am thinking there may be a grudge still. So perhaps this is a get ya back.
Maybe she wants to be part of this though… perhaps that is what it is and she doesn’t know how to ask. I’ll give that a benefit of the doubt. Let’s see what happens.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry if I’m missing something. But what’s wrong with that? It’s true that this isn’t common, at least to my knowledge, but as long as the invites are delivered, there seems to be no harm. Sounds like she might be super excited and maybe she just also wants to make sure they get to everyone safely. I don’t know that this is something to worry to much about.
Post # 4
My FMIL is handed out some std and invites for his side of the family. We are also sending a bunch to his grandmother to hand out instead of shipping individually (in my offense, most of them live in the same building and/or she watches their children)
I’m kind of glad because it saves mucho money on postage :D.
Post # 5
I don’t think this is a big deal. She probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal either. It saves you money!! I’m sure if you told her you really want to actually mail them the invitation, she’d send you the addresses.
Post # 6
moved more to the story to top. 🙂
Post # 7
Moved more to the story to the top.
Post # 8
One of my FI’s coworkers refused to give him his address after he asked for it multiple times. Finally the coworker just told him to mail it to the station (they’re police officers). I was so annoyed because FI doesn’t like this guy anyway but we have to invite him because we’re inviting the rest of his shift. HOWEVER, we’re not inviting the whole station, so I don’t want to send it to the station. FI is just sticking it in his coworker’s locker and crossing his fingers that he doesn’t come.
Post # 9
I guess I don’t see the big deal. A lot of people just hand invitations out to those they see on a regular basis. In some cultures you’re actually supposed to do this.
And actually I think it’s nice to see people’s faces when you give them the invite. I wouldn’t make a big deal over this. pick your battles.
Post # 10
Hmmm – that does seem a little strange. If she was seeing them all at an upcoming event or saw them on a weekly basis at church or something – I could understand. Is she going to hand deliver all the “Thank You” cards following the wedding as well? How about any future Christmas cards? It just makes sense that you would want addresses for the people who attend your wedding.
I would get FI to call or email everyone individually and request their address. I know its more work – but it might make things easier…
Post # 11
Is there anyone else you could get the addresses from? Are any of these folks on facebook or something? I think it’s definitely a red flag. I’m all for picking your battles… but this would probably be one I’d pick to fight because it sounds to me like she’s trying to stomp on toes for whatever reason. I don’t know the background but if it concerns you, follow your gut.
Post # 12
Right Prairie…. Everyone lives about 30 to 45 minutes away from her… not even close by. And they themselves live 6 hours from us. Bottom line is, I still have to mail her family’s invitation, even to his step mom, so why not just send them anyways to them. I don’t get it. :/
I am hoping she replies with the addresses to be honest, so I don’t have to decipher this weirdness any longer. (to self — Please let me get the addresses. I hate this weirdness).
Post # 13
This is weird for sure.
I would hope she isn’t trying to prevent them from getting invitations all toghether, as in she would get them and never give them out or something equally crazy.
This is your FI’s side of the family, so you need to get him involved. He should talk to her and his father and get this straightened out without you having to be the face of any of the drama. Your FI has to have somebody on that side’s phone number (a step cousin or aunt or something) he can call if all else fails.
Post # 14
Whatever you do, don’t send them to her! Stick to your guns!
Post # 15
I wanted to post “pick your battles” too. Two things are key, in my opinion: how much does it matter to you that the guests get the invite by mail and what’s the “worst case” scenario of her intentions? Do you think she’s going to try to edit your guest list, and not deliver all the invites? Do you think she’s going to make copies and invite other people? Do you think she wants to hand them out just so it seems like she’s issuing the invitation, even though she’s not paying a dime? Do you think she’ll forget and not hand them out until the day after the rsvp deadline? My point is that you should think of what your worst (reasonable) fear is that she’ll do, and decide based on that if you really want to risk a throwdown over this. If you think she just wants to claim credit, or something little like that, then I’d be tempted to let it go. But, if you have a good reason to suspect a bigger issue might develop, then it’d be worth it to have your FI gently talk to her (she’s his stepmom, after all) or ask his dad to step in. You guys are putting a lot of your own sweat and money into this wedding, and you should be able to have control over who gets invited and how.
Post # 16
I called FI’s sister a little bit ago and she instantly said it is a control thing. So my gut is right so far. Ugh. I hate this.
FI’s sister had one family members number so I am getting that tonight. PHEW! Oddly enough, none of us have any of their email addresses or phone numbers. We aren’t that close of a family with that side, but still love them no less and they are a fun group.
If I call the family member, I will simply sound as I normally would when trying to get addresses from anyone. Only his step mom, my FI and I will know the what was reaslly going down behind the scenese – no one else needs to know.
Things always work out 🙂 Always. I am optimistic and still will give the benefit of the doubt that she will send me those addresses – darn it 🙂
Thanks for listening!