Post # 1
FI has done very little to help me plan our wedding. Of course, he always wants to give me his opinion on things (usually after something is already planned). Here are some gems (examples):
-We agreed that we would send our invites out the last week of March/first week of April. Yesterday he mentioned that we should send them out this week (3.5 months before the wedding) so that his OOT relatives can make travel plans. Ummmm, no. I’m making all the invitations and inserts myself and they are not ready PLUS we sent STDs to his entire family already with the date, location, and wedding Web site info. Is that not the point of the STD??
-We are starting our cocktail hour RIGHT after the ceremony (the ceremony is taking place right outside our ballroom, so no travel time factored in there). I alloted 45-60 minutes for photos after the ceremony, at which time the cocktail hour will be taking place. FI thinks that we will need at least 2 hours for photos AFTER the ceremony. Ummmm, no again. We cannot make our guests wait 2 hours for photos and stall the beginning of the reception. This is the reason our photographers are arriving 2 hours early so that we can get some photos out of the way before the ceremony.
-Our reception is scheduled to last 4 hours (7-11 pm). I chose the venue mainly because there are 2 bars on location that the guests can use after the reception, if they want to keep the party going. FI thinks that 11 pm is too early to end the party. For real?? Then we’ll go to the bar…and we won’t be responsible for paying for it. Sheesh!
Ok…vent over…thanks for listening? Anyone else out there have FI’s that don’t want to help with planning, but still insert their opinion on everything?
Post # 3
Ohhh I do! My FI will add his little two cents here and there about colors and “unnecessary” things.
He doesn’t do a thing as far as looking things up and thinking of ideas (I do all the research) but he always has his opinion!
The worst thing he does is shoot down my ideas without even giving thought to them. I wanted the guys to wear dark grey suits instead of the typical black ones and he just will not consider it. He won’t even let me show him pictures. It’s just a straight no.
I also wanted to incorporate a rose ceremony into our wedding after the traditional christian one, and he said no to that as well. When I asked for a reason he didn’t have one. It was just a no.
I found a great deal on a photobooth that can double as favors and entertainment, and he said if I wanted it I have to pay for it myself. Again, he wouldn’t consider it. Thankfully one of my aunts offered to pay for it. I feel like telling him his side of the family can’t use it 😛
I always knew he was stubborn, but planning this wedding is extra frustrating!
Post # 4
@mikaylav3: He doesn’t do a thing as far as looking things up and thinking of ideas (I do all the research) but he always has his opinion!The worst thing he does is shoot down my ideas without even giving thought to them. <– That is so right! FI will do that and it drives me bonkers!
Do you have a better idea? No? Then keep your two cents to yourself. 🙂 I’ve started being super annoying when I come up with something. I’ll show him EVERYTHING behind the decision so he can’t be like “Have you thought about money?” Obviously. 😉 Haha
Post # 5
That must be really frustrating! My FI wants to help planning the wedding, but he pretty much gives in to whatever I want. :-/ Maybe divide tasks among each other so he helps equally? And if he doesn’t want to then talk to him about how he wants to be involved, because the pickiness isn’t working.
Post # 6
I have the opposite. Mr. Hedgie tries to help but when I need an opinion, he doesn’t have one.
Post # 7
@AmeliaBedelia: Right?! When we were looking for venues he’d be like “oh, well I think that ones too expensive” “that ones too small” “i just don’t like that one”. Okay, well we live in lil Rhode Island, there aren’t that many venues in our price range to choose from. If you don’t like any of these, YOU find one. Gah.
I tried to do that with the rose ceremony thing. I read him the whole ceremony and explained why it’d be so special for us. It went something like this:
Me: *Wholebigspeech* “Do you like it?!”
Him: “No, I don’t”
Him: “I just don’t”
Me: “Okay, but if you give me a real reason, I’d feel better”
Him: “I just don’t like it”
Thanks, hun.. Very descriptive.
Post # 8
I have a question he might not want to DO planning but are you passing things by him as they come up? For example, did you mention to him when STD’s were going out and what the purpose of them is? Or when you booked the ceremoney/ cocktail hour time did you ask him what he thought about going to take pictures before so that you only have to take 45mins of pictures after? And why you were thinking this is a good idea?
I’m not sure if you just don’t mention things at all then book them THEN he pipes up…. in which case hell yes that’d be annoying. But if you are not mentioning and explaining and asking his thoughts before you book and jsut go ahead and book without any input from him I wouldn’t really blame him. And my suggestion is get your ideas first, pass them by him explain why you think it’s a good idea to do it this way and ask what he thinks. This way he gets to voice his opinion but he doesn’t REALLY have to plan anything.
Post # 9
Ok I just read one of your responses. I would sit him down and say babe, I’m really trying to include you- it’s your wedding too. But if you’re going to keep thorwing my ideas out the window without any other suggestions then I’m lost. Tell him if he doesn’t like something he has to be specific, and or give a suggestion.
Or atlernatively try to scrounge up as many ideas as possible and say these are our options in our price range. If you don’t like them we have to up the budget. And then let him pick out of say 5 options. Or give him 3 scripts of vows and say which one? Also it might be a good idea to give it to him for 2 days and say here you go. I’d like you to read them on your own time and tell me which you like best, and if you don’t like any tell me WHY. I’ll ask you about it in 2 days…. Hopefully one of those approaches works…
Post # 10
@mikaylav3:Yep. I’ve gone to the basic “Here are your three choices.” I like all three. Now you pick. :p
Post # 11
Ohmigod I feel your pain! I will always ask my fiance if he has an opinion on something before I started looking at options or before I am about to book something and he says no, then after I have made up my mind, found and talked to the vendor, and booked he suddenly has an opinion!
Two examples I can think of off the top of my head- I asked him if he cared who the officiant was. He said no (I have this in writing via an email!) I found an officiant, have talked to her mu;ltiple times, and then I asked fiance to send in the deposit and suddenly he doesn’t like her and wants his brother to marry us! Dude, I didn’t do all this work for nothing!
Another example- he said he did not care where we registered as I would be the one picking everything out except for some manly things like a grill or something. Fast forward to me asking him if Friday was a good day to attend the Macy’s registry party and he doesn’t want to register at Macy’s anymore, he wants to do crate and barrel and bb&b. Argh!!!!!!!
He gets to have an opinion on eeeevvvveryyyythhhhiiinnnng, yet I do 99.99% of all the research and work.
Post # 12
For those of you who brought it up…yes, I do include my FI in the decisions; however, he usually blows it off or tells me to do what I want. For instance, he didn’t come to look at venues because he wanted to go fishing with his buddies instead and he didn’t come to the cake tasting because he “doesn’t like cake.” In fact, he didn’t want to come meet the officiant either, but I insisted since I doubted that the officiant would agree to marry us if she wasn’t able to meet and talk to the both of us. It’s just difficult because he wants to add his opinions, but he doesn’t want to do any of the work involved in planning.
Post # 13
For almost everything, I have done all of the research & narrowed our choices down to two or three options. Then I’ll show them to FI or we’ll go talk to those 2 or 3 vendors & we’ll choose from there. This works best for us. The things that I have left up to him (pretty much anything to do with the church- since it’s his religion, not mine, and also the music- playlists & such) he has procrastinated on/hasn’t done yet. The church stuff I typically have to remind him for about a month before he calls them or follows up on something. We found a DJ about 6 months ago & he agreed he would create playlists. He really wants irish music playing during dinner, so he has to find some to share with the DJ… he hasn’t even started yet.
Also, I’ve been asking him for MONTHS to find out if his dad is planning on paying for the rehersal dinner. I had been planning on paying for it, but then he said his dad wanted all of his reletives to come. I said, if I’m paying for it, it’s just the wedding party, if he’s paying for it, then I don’t care if he wants more to come… but we need to know so we can tell the restaurant how many to expect! Ugh…