FL insults husband and he thinks "it's not a big deal"…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

It isn’t an American thing! Totally inappropriate. Unfortunately I think it’s something you can’t interfere with unless you want to fight with his dad over it. I think you should leave it alone, even if it is inappropriate.

Post # 4
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree it’s disrespectful, but if your husband’s ok with it, then let it go. His father, his way of dealing with him. (But if he ever talks that way to YOU, you don’t have to tolerate it).

As for grandparents, don’t overestimate their influence. My kids have learned that their grandparents have their quirks and we (DH and I and kids) just get used to those quirks.

Post # 5
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Um, definitely not an American thing. That’s just a rude thing. It sounds like the FIL has some major issues that he doesn’t know how to work out, and takes it out on his son. My dad does the same thing to me; my fiancee can do no wrong, but if I do anything (like forget to fill up the car), I get degraded in front of my family. I know if I approached him about it, he’d make me feel awful and make me think it was my fault. My fiancee doesn’t know what to say to him, and neither do I. I’m just glad that we live on opposite sides of the country now. 🙂 

Post # 6
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Every family has a different dynamic and you won’t be able to change it if you try. Don’t rock the boat and let your husband handle his relationship with his own family

Post # 7
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Ilovetruffels:  Also about the cultural issue, I can say that I love my family and we often talk in a way that other people would see as mean or inappropriate. We all know that it’s mostly just horsing around, but I imagine it would seem kinda weird to someone else. And I know that in my family and the circles I interact with, name calling isn’t a big deal at all. I know a lot of people here are really bothered by it, but you should know that the stuff you described isn’t completely off the wall to everyone. I think you should trust your husband when he tells that is just how his family is.

 

Post # 8
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My FIL is exactly the same! I don’t know how many posts I’ve written about my FIL and the awful things he says to my husband.

I come from a family where we often jokingly insult each other so, sure, it can happen, but if it’s said in a way that you’re not comfortable, or in situations that are wildly inappropriate (like a funeral), then I think it’s something that should be addressed. Sadly, if your husband doesn’t see it or chooses to ignore it, then I don’t think there’s much you can do. All you can do is control how you respond if your FIL shows this kind of behaviour towards you. You may be able to interrupt FIL if you think that it’s going too far, but I doubt you will be able to correct his behaviour – in my case, redirecting the conversation tends to end that behaviour right now, but it keeps coming back. If you find a solution, please let me know!

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