Post # 1
I really could use some advice on this one ladies….
I have a total of 8 bridesmaids. I’m having two problems…
One of my bridesmaids is my Fiance’s good friends girlfriend who we have became good friends over the past few years, my fiance asked that I put her in the party so I did’t even think twice about it because I do consider her a friend. So I called and asked her and everything was cool. Well lately my girls(meaning other bridesmaids) have all been trying to plan my shower, and my bachelorette party is on a cruise for a 4 day weekend, which they got for $175 a girl! My mother offered to pay $100 towards the bridesmaids way for the cruise so that left with them $75 which included tax,etc. So that one particular bridesmaid said she really couldn’t afford the $75 and she just didn’t have it in her. I said that was totally fine I understood,etc. I’ve sent her emails to get together with all the other girls, text messages, phone calls and she has only responded once. It was to advise me that she couldn’t go on the cruise that’s why she had been ignoring me. I finally sent her a message saying I really wanted for her to apart of my wedding,and events leading up to that day,etc but if she felt like it was too much and just couldn’t help out and if the dress and overall expenses were something that she just can’t afford then I understood since there is alot of responsiblity that goes with being a bridesmaid.
To me being a bridesmaid is not the day of the wedding you show up in the dress and walk down type of thing.
Im frustrated because now everyone is trying to get in touch to plan the shower, and I’m trying to do a girls fitting so we can order the dresses. I can’t get in touch with her. I tried calling her, and I emailed her. I’ve emailed her over the last couple months to just say hey how are you and not talk anything about the wedding, and she still has yet to say anything to me. What do I do? At this point I really kinda dont want her in my wedding. I feel like she wants to be there the day to walk down the aisle with her boyfriend and show face. She hasn’t once called to talk, or have tried to contact me back. Im frustrated. Is it rude after you ask someone to be a bridesmaid to tell them to step down since they aren’t acting like one? Please give me advice!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios
I think you should ask her to step down. It’s still early in the process and she hasn’t spent any $ or time yet on being your bridesmaid so she won’t feel like she wasted her time. More importantly, it’s your wedding and you should not have the added stress of dealing with other people who aren’t your closest friends for the next 7 months — planning a wedding is already stressful enough! Did your friend really want to be *your* bridesmaid? Or did she just say yes to be polite / walk down the aisle with her boyfriend. Since she hasn’t responded to you at all, I think it’s fair to end it, politely of course. She will still be able to attend as a guest of her boyfriend, but it will be less stressful (for both of you) if she is not in the wedding. In the end, you don’t want to look your memories of this perfect day to be soured by someone who didn’t want it to be perfect too. Hope this helps and good luck!
Post # 4
hmmm…I’ve been having the same problem. Bridesmaid has been practiacally non-existent in the whole planning process. Her and I were actually really good friends but we have grown apart in the year and a half engagement! She did make it to the shower and put on the "good bridesmaid role" but in reality did virtually nothing to contribute to the shower.
Less than a week till the wedding she informed another bridesmaid that she might not make it for the rehearsal dinner and have to leave early during the wedding, because of a new job…Once fiance and I learned of this, we told her she needed to choose one or the other. The wedding is much more than just pictures and walking down the aisle!
So I got the dress back and found someone who truley wants to be a part of our special day to step up! Although its been stressful, I feel much better knowing someone that really cares and loves us is standing up for us!
Post # 5
It sounds like she isn’t very reliable. I would just go forward with all the plans with the other girls. Just call her and tell her whats going on (so she can’t say you left her out). Tell her that if she needs get you her dress size to order her dress by X/X/09 with the payment of $xx.00 for the dress.
If she can’t do the shower/bach party cruise with you, for whatever reason then fine, but you need to get a dress for her still. Talk to your FI about this, since he is better friends with her. See what he says.
IF she still hasn’t replied to you about the dress and is still showing no interest in being a part of the wedding, then ask her to step down. I think since your FI asked you to have her in your wedding then if you at least make an attempt (which you have been) at getting her involved then your FI hopefully will understand why you may need to ask her to step down.