Post # 1
Let me first start out by saying that I love my friend to death but heres the brass tacks: I asked BM 2 days ago try on her dress (which I paid $300 for out of pocket) and had to go to San Francisco to get. I made a special trip out there for a week to buy ALL my wedding apparel (wedding dress, reception gown and bridesmaids dresses) so you can see what a pain it might be for me to return or make exchanges at this point. She says shes a size 4 but I wanted her to try the dress on when I got home so that I could have the biggest window of opportunity to return it if it wasnt the right size and seeing how Bloomingdales only had one of each size of the dress and theres only an 8 left I NEED to know ASAP!!! SO, when I got home (Saturday) she said she was too tired…okay, fair enough, so was I and she works so I asked her when would be a better time. She said Monday and Tuesday were best. I told her, okay lets shoot for Monday (today) because I would be off as well. SO, she called me yesterday and said I should come over after she got off work at 7pm. Ok fine, even better. So I figured I’d give her a call and come over around 7:45 to give her time to decompress. I call about 3 times up till 8:30, AND text her AND text her husband. No answer. Alright, I figure maybe she was just really tired from work. Fine, no biggie. She calls me this morning apologizing for last night saying she just passed out and could we please get together today. I say yes but I have errands to do so lets shoot for 3ish. I call her at 2:30 and no answer. I wait a half hour and call her again. STILL no answer. 4:00 comes and goes after sending her 3 texts and calling her 6 times and texting her husband and I’m just not digging this….Ladies, Ive known her for 9 yrs now and shes been there for me and she is one of the most generous girls I know. Ive helped pull her fat out of the fire on her wedding day by paying for and sewing her wedding outfit (which she was in tears over because her MIL was trying to stuff her in something she hated) AND doing 6 of her 12 bridesmaids makeup! Surely showing up to a fitting is NOT so much to ask??? Its not even that she cant do this so much as she doesnt follow through on what SHE says shes going to do. I have rearranged my schedule twice now and my fiancee is telling me to relax and not be a ‘bridezilla’ but this is just not sitting well with me because I never have and never would do something like this to her. I don’t want to cut her out of my wedding party but I would rather that than lose her as a friend because she flakes out on me at the last minute because I WILL be upset about that. I’am no good at confrontations. Not because I can’t be confrontational but because the longer I hold back, the more is gonna come out….Any suggestions on an approach to this situation???
Post # 3
This is annoying, but try to keep your cool. It sounds like something’s going on with her so I would try to check-up on her without mentioning anything about the wedding. She can try on a dress by herself, right?
Post # 4
@AlwaysSunny: yeah I was thinking the same thing. Is there a way that you could just drop the dress off to her and then she can try it when she has time?
Post # 5
Calm down- see about dropping off the dress to her and letting her try it when she has time. I also think you should not ask her to do anything else for the wedding because this is an example now of what you are going to get as your wedding day gets closer.
Post # 6
I agree with @armychica06: drop off the dress, let her know you want her to try it on as soon as possible but don’t ask her for assistance with anything else. No need to stress yourself.
Post # 7
I’m curious why you aren’t keeping your side of the plans either, by the sounds of it you were supposed to meet her at her place for 7pm the first time and she fell asleep waiting on you to show up. The second day maybe something came up last minute, maybe her phone died and she was just expecting you to show up.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs, drop the dress up so she can try it on when she has time. Give her the very last date you can exchange it. If she fails to try it on and it is not the right size, that is on her, not on you.
Post # 9
I too am having trouble being able to speak with a BM about her dress. I’ve been calling and texting. What pissed me off is I saw her on FB this morning and messaged her and she didn’t respond. Then I called her because I know she was up since she was on FB and she didn’t answer. Then her phone called me by accident today and I could hear her in the background ordering food and I kept yelling hello. She just hung up the phone. I am going to call her and leave a VM about the dress then I’m going to text her one last time about it as well and then after that if I don’t hear from her I’ll just assume she no longer wants to be in the wedding.
Leave her a VM or text her about the the deadlines and such with the dress and if she doesn’t acknowledge your messages, I would just leave it alone.
Post # 10
@mrsjjohnson2b: You know I’am SO with you on that idea…after reading all the above advice, I just decided to sleep on it and give her the entire day today to reach me because there is NO way she could not have remembered that she told me we’d meet up yesterday. I only left her 2 voicemails and 2 texts as well as one to her husband over the span of 5 hours after our arranged time. I’ve even taken into account Drummerbrides view on the sitch but much like your friend, after 4 days and no communication even though I know she’s gotten the messages, as much as I’d love to beleive the best about her, the simple fact is that in her shoes, if I did not hear from a friend or wasnt sure about what time we’d meet up, how hard is it to take 5 mins to confirm when I’ve done so in the past with her when she requests my presence??? SHE asked to be in my wedding and she KNOWS the deal on these dresses as well as the fact that I’m NOT made of money and I have to bust my hump to earn it. Scrubbing toilets and floors is a thankless days work. I run a business and I’m a busy woman as well so even when I’m dealing with clients much less a personal friend that I care for, formality alone dictates that YOU follow up if you’re not sure about something, I have done so with her, before each and every appointed time with no response or even an excuse. So when 2:00 rolled around today with no apology or acknowledgement about missing our appointments, I mean come on, I’m paying for AND offering to bring the dress to her, how much more of an extra mile can I go? I sent a text stating that I know she might be busy and that I hoped she was okay but that if she cant make it I’d understand its just that I’m working on a deadline so I have to stick to a schedule as well as the fact that if I can’t return the dress in time, I’m stuck with a $300 dress that I paid for that I can’t use on her. I even went so far as to call the department store I got it from in hopes that they still had other sizes in the dress and they told me they sold the last one this evening….which has obviously not put me in a better mood. No response at all so far and its now 10:30pm. I’ve asked all my girlfriends about this and they think she’s behaving poorly considering how important someones wedding day is and that I was responsible and spot on for hers so I just asked another girl to try the dress on (didnt fit) and I have 2 other girls who are dying to be in my wedding so I’m going to go down the line and see if I can’t make lemonade out of these lemons….As it stands, I feel for you on this point and not just because I’am going through it. I’am simply a big beleiver in reciprocity and the golden rule. I’m also a stickler for following through and taking initiative on a daily basis. I’am just going to keep the ball rolling with or without her because one monkey don’t stop the show!
Post # 11
@drummerbride: I can see after re-reading my posts how you might get the idea that I missed the 7pm meeting but that just isnt the case. Perhaps I should have explained further that after calling her AT 7pm THREE TIMES and getting no answer I left a message on her voicemail telling her that if shes busy I could come at around 7:45 but that I’d still call her before I showed up and she should call me back to confirm if we were still on track. On the off chance that her phone wasnt working, its also why I mentioned in my post that I called AND texted her husband as well after phoning and texting HER. I got no response from either of them. I NEVER just go to someones house unannounced, I always call before I show up, its just the way I was raised and I do business much the same way and I have NEVER had problems with clients or anyone else on this account. She is also well aware of this fact after NINE years of friendship….So before you jump the gun, I have given her the benefit of doubt several times over. Also the next day when she called me back and gave me the reason why she fell asleep (which I decline to mention on the grounds that I’AM her friend) suffice it to say that it was just not a good one and did not cast her in the best light…owing to the fact that I still accepted it graciously and gave her one more try. If she at least called me today to say something, ANYTHING I would still have been willing to work with her, but the fact remains that she didn’t and still hasnt knowing full well that I paid $300 for her dress (I’am not rich by any stretch of the imagination and I have to work harder than the average person for my money) and I had a limited time to make alternate arrangements. As it stands I even took the initiative to call the department store and inquire about other sizes and I was told that they had sold the last dress this evening so I’am just not inclined at this point to play the devils advocate for her. So I’am making plans with another girl who had hinted that she wanted the chance to be in my wedding and has shown up almost every day since I’ve been back to see my dress, my ring and the BM dresses and she wasnt even going to be IN the wedding. She’s my friend as well, she’s there and she’s reliable without excuses, or needing to be chased down. I’m over it.