(Closed) Flirtatious fiance- long

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@anon2211:  your feelings are completely valid – he is being incredibly disrespectful and is obviously untrustworthy. his behaviour is really, really sketchy.

DON’T give him the out of ‘he’s too stupid’ – NO. he’s not – any person with two brain cells to rub together should know that an engaged man should not be discussing sex with female friends, especially intimate details about the two of you, and definitely not complimenting her innapropriately and seeking details of her intimate life. 

you are meant to be a team – he is completely destroying that by talking about your perceived flaws with other people, he should never be doing that! the fact that you’ve spoken to him about it and he’s still doing it shows that he can’t be trusted and either doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong (so just said he’d stop to placate you) or doesn’t care about your feelings.

i’d have serious reservations about marrying someone like this. 

Post # 5
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I certainly would not marry someone I didn’t trust.


You have plenty of valid reasons not to trust this guy, he has and is betraying you as well as disrespecting you.



Post # 6
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anon2211:  You are perfectly justified in calling off the wedding/dumping him. Obviously a guy that flirts with other girls (despite you talking to him about it and promising he wouldn’t do it again), and then breaks his promise, is not as involved in this relationship as you had thought. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You’re in my thoughts, and chin up, chica!

Post # 7
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@anon2211:  Public flirtacious displays with other women are wrong too. Are these public messages seen by your family and friends? Either way, it’s incredibly disrespectful to you. It’s also rude to other women, he’s leading them on by complimenting them in the same breath as putting you down. You can’t trust him, he says degrading things about you to other women – this man is not worthy of you. 

I bet if you asked the women he’s communicating with, “Should I marry him? Does he love me?” They’d be just as likely to say, “No!” as the women here!


Post # 8
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Cancel the wedding!

Things don’t magically change after you get married. If anything, they get worse!

You asked him to stop flirting with these other girls. He has not. He doesn’t respect you or your relationship!

Cancel the wedding. Maybe you could think about couple’s therapy, but if I were you, I would cut my losses and move on.

Post # 10
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This guy has gone beyond flirting in my opinion, I think he is broaching this subjects with a goal in mind and the fact that he done with multiple people, and people like a friends girlfriend I think really speak to him as a person.

I would cancel the wedding. Personally I don’t want to tell you to leave that choice that you should make for yourself. But you should be very clear about what you willing to tolerate, and what concrete steps he needs to take to mend the relationship. Although if I’m being honest I think the best thing to do is kick his ass to the curb and not look back!

Post # 11
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t consider that flirting. Talking about having sex with someone is planning to cheat. I would break up with him and never look back. 

Post # 12
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@TwoCityBride: This.

This situation is far beyond flirting, IMO. Very inappropriate. He is giving you a preview of what marriage with him will be like–believe him. This will only get worse with time. I’d dump him and find someone who loves you fully.

Post # 13
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@peonyinlove:  +1

How far would he have taken these conversations if you had not intervened? This is emotional cheating– and maybe he would have physically cheated.

This is not okay. I would have serious hesitations about marrying ‘garbage’ like this as  well. (sorry, I know you love him, but it angers me that he treated you and made you feel so low)

Post # 14
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is not flirting. I’m a giant flirt. Dh is sort of a flirt too. This is completely differently. If he’s talking about explicit things with these women, that’s beyond flirting. 

You don’t trust him. He’s been putting you down to others. He’s still doing it after he agreed not to. 

Please, at the very least postpone the wedding in favour of counseling. 

Post # 15
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@anon2211:  Honestly? It doesn’t sound like he’s just flirting. He’s looking for another sexual relationship and all of this would count the same as cheating in my book. I’m sorry this is happening, but I think you’re lucky you discovered it before the wedding. I’d get out and never look back.

Post # 16
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@corasong:  exactly this.  Flirting is much more subtle than talking about intimate sexual details.  This is cheating – and how do you know it stopped at text messages, or that it wouldn’t have been moreif you hadn’t caught him?  Leave!

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