Flirting Brother-In-Law…….What now? (LONG)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
562 posts
Busy bee

Wow, well I have a very similar but little known story. My BIL (before he married my sister) and my sister took me to a friends house and we drank and had a little party with a few other people. Long story short, my BIL and I wound up on the balcony alone after one of the friends went inside (what is it with balconies?!) and my BIL leaned in and kissed me. Mind you, everyone including us were drinking, but I knew what was happening and I shoved him away from me. I remember that he seemed upset and disoriented afterwards. I struggled over what to do for a long time, but everything kind of blew over and I decided that he was really drunk and confused (my sister and I could be twins, everyone says we are very similar looking), so maybe that contributed? Either way, that was a long long time ago, and now they are happily married with 3 little one’s and I am so so glad I never made a big thing of it. He has never done anything remotely similar to that since, he is a great brother-in-law. 


moral of the story: let it go. and stay away from balconies 😉


Post # 5
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d leave it alone. Hopefully he’ll get over his crush while you’re apart, and you can all joke about it next time you’re together!

Post # 6
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Well…alcohol seems to be a theme here – that and balconies. Avoid both of those.


Post # 7
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Let it be. Don’t make it worse than it is. By the next time you two see each other, this will all have been a faded memory.

Post # 8
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@BrandNewBride:  +100 a million times this. Seriously. Let it go.

Honestly, the hugging, canoodling, staying up and telling each other secrets is not ok. It’s clearly messing with both your heads. You’re just celebrated your wedding and this is what you’re coming away with, not “OMG I’m married and I had the best day with my husband GUSH GUSH GUSH whatever.” 

It’s great you want to be friends, but you need to not let him do these things because it will give him any thought there is a chance. And you need to not let yourself do these things because you just pledged your undying love to your husband. 

Your husband called him out, and by the sounds of it, he was totally within his right. Things might be awkward, but better that the boundary is drawn NOW than later. 

Sorry, i realize this is probably not what you want to hear. But please, as someone who has gotten herself in trouble before with the boundary thing, I’m basically begging you to let it go.

Post # 10
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Awkward. I would try to avoid being alone/getting drunk with/being touchy feely with so he doesn’t get the wrong message or think that behavior is OK/behavior gets worse.

Post # 11
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Let it go…and don’t stay up with men alone anymore when you are drunk. 

Post # 12
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

let it go, theres nothing to fix. its also time to establish some boundaries

he might be doing a weird sibling competetive thing where he tries to get his brothers girl, he might just hit on a lot of people, or be over friendly…he might even genuinely like you. but its irrelevent. i think your previous closeness was him trying to get with you and since he failed, hes backed off a bit. this is how it should be

i dont think you should be drunk and alone with him anymore

Post # 14
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think that him coming to you and saying those things and not getting a definitive “I love your brother. I care about you as a brother in law but I’m going to be your brother’s wife and you really need to respect your relationship with HIM and the one I have with him.” I know it’s really scary to say these things to even acquantances who develop feelings for you and saying it to a new family member is probably more difficult– but that’s the bottom line…he’s saying this stuff to his FAMILY member. Which makes it really not okay.


Is there a history between you two or is he just really young/naive enough to think  that someone who is engaged and getting married a day later will change her mind after spending a few hours drunk and hugging him? I’m not trying to sound rude, but trying to present it to you from a different perspective. Does he not understand what marriage means and what saying yes to a proposal means? I would seriously question his boundaries if he thinks this is okay behavior.

Post # 15
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Also, I’m concerned that you don’t seem to be worried about how your husband feels thinking his brother kissed  you or what that means for your relationship.

Post # 16
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’d let it go too. People do strange things when alcohol is involved and it’s nothing major.

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