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@FourthFireworks: I had a similar situation, though in our case FMIL just asked one of her friend's granddaughters to be our flower girl. She didn't even ask me about it! I was kind of annoyed at first (especially because I've never even met this child), but I decided to just pick my battles--in the grand scheme of things, it's not a huge deal. If it's going to cause a lot of tension and it doesn't really bother you, there's not a lot of harm in including the FG. That said, I think you can draw the line and say you do not want to add anyone else to the wedding party.
@MaraBeth: Wow I can't believe she didn't even ask you about that! I guess I should consider myself lucky.. The other problem is, I told my mother we might have to have a flower girl now and she was just as confused as I was because she knew we didn't want kids there. I'm afraid she might be a little upset now if I give in. Oy 
@FourthFireworks: I would say pick your battles where you can and this one sounds like a toss up. I would say if you dont want a big issue with his family then go for it
So this might make me sound like a total bitch, but I say it is YOUR wedding, so who cares if you upset some distant cousin you aren't even close to! If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Everyone will get over it by the time the wedding rolls around!
Is there any chance that your FMIL is just assuming the cousins will be upset? I was really worried at first that my sister and brother would be upset that my nephews aren't invited to the wedding. I love them to death but I think it wouldn't be fair if I invited them and no one elses kids. Turns out, they both were relieved and said they would have much more fun without their kids! They were actually happy to have the night off. Maybe this is the case with the cousins, too?
@RahlyRah: I'm not sure how they would actually feel. The parents of the wannabe flowergirl also have triplets about a year old or so. So they're going to have to get a sitter anyway for the triplets either where they live (almost 5 hours away) or in our town because there's no way three babies are invited. I would love to have FI just ask them (which probably won't happen b/c they're not so big on communication) if they'd prefer to be childless for the night or if it would be really important to them to have her involved. I just really hate to work off of an assumption. I think if they really would be offended then it's not worth it to cause a stink about it, and we can have a cute little flower girl and That's It. I just wouldn't want to offend them somehow by asking, I don't even know how to go about it. And then if we do have one, I have No Idea how/when to draw the line with other cousin's children.
I say you shouldn't feel obligated to include the cousin as a flower girl. If they included your FI and his family in their weddings, it should be because they wanted them to be a part of the day, not because they were expecting him to return the favor. You should be able to get by with saying you're not inviting young children- there's a big difference between a 5 yr old and an 11 yr old.
Nothing bitchy about it--it IS your wedding, being hosted by your parents. You do not need to include a FG if you don't want to. And you know those people will want to bring their triplets, which is another can of worms. Honestly, this couple will probably be relieved not to come and/or bring their children. If FI can't call them himself, they must not be close enough to worry about potentially offending.
Why do people feel so damn entitled when it comes to other peoples weddings? I will never understand it... Why is a given that your child should be included in wedding of relative you barely know? Why is this acceptable. This boggles my mind. Clearly i'm wrong that a wedding is about the couple, but apparently not, its about everyone elses kids...whatever.
OP I think you know where I stand in this side of the issue.
Thank you everyone for weighing in, basically just reinforced how I felt. However, I did muster up the courage to bring up the subject to FMIL (mostly b/c we'd just gotten invitations to a wedding in November and were talking about those things). She surprised me by saying she's not sure if they'd be offended or not and she's not sure they'll even be able to come b/c of finding a sitter/etc. for the triplets. Basically it was just something she'd thrown out there to FI and he blew it out of proportion and I might have to murder him if he keeps doing things like this and causing me extra stress. We ended it by me saying that if it's REALLY going to cause a huge issue then we can have the flowergirl AS LONG AS they understand that there's a ban on ANY other children. FMIL ended it by saying that it probably would be fine and she'll check with another aunt to see what she thinks..
Can you tell that his family is HUGE and kinda insane? I do love them anyway though. We get along really well and they completely adopted me/included me even when FI and I were just friends hanging out about 10 years ago <3
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FI and I talked it over and decided that since there's no little kids living close to us that we're close to we were going to have an adult only ceremony/reception (with the exception of his one cousin who we do see on a semi-regular basis who is 11? now). Although I didn't want Any kids, I was fine with including her in the guest list because she's old enough to be well-behaved and she's a sweet little girl. However, once his mother heard about this, she informed FI that their other cousins who live almost 5 hours away (and I met once and their daughter never) expect their little girl (she might be 5 next year?) to be the Flower Girl, because his family has been in about 3 of their weddings and they would be hurt if not included in one of ours. I explained to FI that if we include/invite the one little girl, other families might be offended that their kids weren't invited/included and then where would we be? He didn't seem to get it, and asked if I really wanted to piss off that whole side of his family. Am I being crazy? If we have a flower girl will the other older cousin expect to be a "junior bridesmaid" or something? FI says his mother will be upset about upsetting the cousins and that whole side of the family won't be happy about it. Is he overreacting? Exaggerating? Should I give in? Where do I draw the line!?
P.S. My parents have offered to pay for just about everything. FIL's have hinted about throwing us an engagement party but that's about it.