- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
warning: long story…but I hope you can read and offer your advice!
My FI and I are still trying to figure out the roles for all the kids in our family.
On my side we have my cousins (also my MOH) 2 girls – 7 and 5 and her son 3 . I also have a little baby cousin who will be 2 (my aunt doesn’t think she will be old enough to be in the wedding).
I also have my 11 yr old cousin who is a jr. bridesmaid.
On my FI side he only wants to include his god daughter (also his cousins child) who is 9. He also has a god son (not related) who is 7.
My original idea was to have the 5 and 3 year old (boy and girl) be banner bearers (carrying a HERE COMES THE BRIDE SIGN).
I was then going to have the two 7 year olds (boy and girl) each be a ring bearer (the girl will carry his ring that I will give to him, the boy will carry my ring that he will give to me).
For the life of me I couldn’t find a role for the 9 year old (and for awhile he didn’t care if she was in the wedding or not) but I felt bad because the 9 year old has a older sister who will be a bridesmaid (we are close) and also her 15 year old sister who will be an usher (along with my 15 year old male cousin, and his 16 year old female cousin…all the teens will have some type of usher role…).
Also on top of this, we just found out that his god-sons mother will not be bringing the kids to the wedding (she wants to party instead without the kids).
Then there is DRAMA with my one aunt (I think also silently with my cousin/MOH who isn’t saying anything but I am sure she talked to her mom…my drama aunt, about it). She is upset I will not make her grandkids flower girls (the 7 and the 5 year old) and the boy (the 3 year old) ring bearer. I told her , at this point I am not sure if I am having flowers at my wedding till I am sure I have enough budget near the time to get it (this, also, is another source of drama…another post maybe). I told her, if I have flowers I will name the girls flower girls in the program, but I am sure I might not want the 3 year old to hold the rings (I actually want the rings to be carried down).
She got upset and said that I already told “the girls that they will be flower girls and they were excited to throw flowers”…I in reply said “I never told the girls they were FLOWER girls. In fact I told them one will be carrying a banner the other a ring. Who on earth told them otherwise?!”. She in turn got upset and yelled at me saying “WHATS WRONG WITH YOU< WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK TRADITION. THE RINGBEARER IS ALWAYS A BOY, THAT IS WHY IT”S CALLED RINGBEARER!”. I in rply said ” the word BEARER doesn’t denote any type of sex at , bear by definitition means to carry, it doesn’t mean a boy”
She got upset and said I was arguing with her….
So long story short, now I got family drama over the childrens positions and I cannot find a position for the 9 year old girl..I am afraid if I made her a ring bearer that it would look funny to have a tall 9 year old walk beside a 7 year old…but I cannot have her as a jr bridesmaid with the 11 year old as I am only picking my bridesmaids by who I am close to.
So her are my options:
1)Cave in and have flowers thrown(flowers period) therefore naming the 3 and 7 year old flower girls. I would then still have his god-daughter carry the rings as ringbearer and the 3 year old boy the sign and bannerbearer.
2) have the 7 year old and 9 year old each carry a ring (both girls) and have the 5 and 3 year old share a sign. no flowergirls. – this options will push buttons with my aunt…and I am so tempted to stay with this option.
May I add although girls may be ringbearers…I will still put them in pretty dresses..I am sure that is all the kids care about really.