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I realize that it's not in your culture you have kids at the wedding, but it is in his so it might be nice if you comprimised, like you said have kids in the ceremony and have a sitter for the reception. I've personally never seen any real issues with kids being in the ceremony, but I wouldn't count on them walking down the isle either. If they walk, great, if not, just don't be upset about it, and don't force them to because that's what causes the scene.
This is a major cause of stress for me during my planning as well. We are having fiance's 3 yr old niece as the flower girl and my 12 yr old cousin as a Jr. BM. His family has A LOT of children (about 30 ranging from infant to teenager) and his side always includes them in any get together. My family doesn't have any small children and I would prefer not to invite kids to the reception because I am worried about them running around and knocking things over, fighting, digging into the cake, etc. And trust me, I have been to picnics and parties where all of those things have happened with these particular kids and the parents don't really pay attention.
Are the children's parents in the wedding?
There should be a compromise here since he wants kids and you dont. Just let the kids be in the wedding and the babysitter thing during the reception sounds like a good idea.
The flower girls in our wedding are both 8 (so no crying) and the ring bearer is 4 (this is 3rd wedding) so they all know how to act. I think that the ages are important in weddings if your worried about them crying or making a scene.
We were going to have a flower girl. I asked one of my best friends to have her daughter be the FG. Then, all my other friends decided that they did not want to bring their kids to the wedding so they would be able to have a romantic weekend away. I left it up to my friend if she still wanted to have her daugher in the wedding and they decided no. I really think weddings are adult affairs. I posted about this recently here. If I had to compromise, I would get a sitter for the reception.
At first I said no children ... at all. We knew we wanted fiances nephew as our ring bearer and his mom said right away that he would have a nanny to take care of him post-ceremony ... we are still figuring out that situation.
We didn't have any little girls close to us, so we decided to have no flower girl, but his parents PUSHED AND PUSHED until I gave in.
We have his distant cousins daughter as our flower girl ... I'm neutral about it. I am kind of even ignoring it. Lol.
I don't want any children besides his nephew (who we're close with) to be at our wedding. I have let it go though.
Will let you know what happens =)
I personally think that children at weddings are great. Children are part of a family, and a wedding is a family celebration. I've seen kids act up at weddings, but most people understand and sometimes it is even really cute.
life- I'm totally with you on this one. I really strongly dislike kids in the wedding ceremony. In every wedding I have been to where there is a flower girl, everyone oohs and ahs at her and laughs as she tries to throw the petals... and this is NOT the ambiance I want to set right before I walk down the aisle! For me, a wedding ceremony should be a very romantic, but serious event.
Luckily neither me nor my FI is close to any children, and we are the first in our immediate families to be getting married, and none of our friends have had kids yet, so it's not a problem to have an adults-only reception. I think your compromise about the on-site babysitter is a great idea.
If your FI insists on having the kids in the ceremony, maybe you could have the kids walk down the aisle first to get them out of the way and then have time to re-set the mood for your walk down the aisle and the rest of the ceremony. Or you could have the kids walk down the aisle with their parents, and possibly sequestered to a different room. Definitely seat the parents with the unruly kids next to an easy exit.
It seems like you think your FI just doesn't know how kids can be at weddings. Have you tried approaching the conversation with your FI from the angle of wanting the ceremony to be perfect for the two of you- sans screaming. If kids aren't used to going to church, they don't know how to be quiet. Ask him how he would feel if a kid had an outburst while you were saying your vows to him.
But if you end up giving in to him about the kids (which would be a very wonderful and selfless way to start your marriage if it really does mean so much to him) it wouldn't be the end of the world, and maybe you will get some bargaining power on another important issue!
We are only having our nephews at the wedding (no other little children that are closely related to us). All three are going to be ring bearers, sorta. We are giving each a specific job so they all feel special. His nephew (will be 4) will be the real ring bearer. My nephews (will be 10, 7 and are brothers) are going to carry the sand ceremony set. I am concerned about his nephew acting 'right' because he is VERY shy and really dependant on FH sister. I suggested to her that we get his nephew to know my nephews before the wedding - like taking them to Chuckie Cheese or something - so his nephew will be less shy around them. We too have no little girls close to us so we are not having a flower girl.
I think having kids at a wedding can be lovely and when they are close to you it is all the more important that they be apart of such an event. If I or he had a god child I would want them to be in the wedding so I can see where he is coming from. I think a compromise is needed and I love the idea of having an on-site baby sitter for the reception. Such a great idea. I don't think the kids will act as bad as you are expecting. I bet they would be just as nervous about everything as you would be for them. And like Jacqi said let them walk down with time to re-set the mood before your entrance and maybe allow them to sit in so they aren't expected to stand and act 'right' the entire time. But I think your FH would appriciate having these children at your wedding - they seem very important to him
I guess the part that upsets me is that it isn't a part of his tradition or culture to have children but it is a part of my culture and tradition to not have children.
I also feel like he his very focused on what he wants and not on what I want. We are already doing his religion which will make my family uncomfrotable (although they are not that different) and we are catering the bar to his family and guest (I am concerned their won't be suitable selections for my family and guests) and we are trying to work his culture into our menu even though this whole time we live in a community that is my history background and culture. I just don't want kids there.
Don't get me wrong I don't dislike kids I just don't love them. I am one of those people who will love having their own kids when the day comes but until then I am happy without them around. I also know kids who are amazingly well behaved and I know kids who are rambunctious and I know kids who are out of control (like his niece). I feel like if you have children make sure they behave in a manner so that they are not bothersome. The kids he wants are bothersome.
What do you all think....
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Okay so my FI is persistant that children be allowed at the reception and that his niece and god daughter who are the same age be flower girls and the god daughter's little brother be the ring bearer. The problem is that my culture and my family does not include children in these events and so my plan was to say no children on the invite and then have a babysitter for our nieces and nefews and god kids along with other kids close to us so their parents wouldn't have to worry about it. I never even considered having children in the ceremony. I feel like they cry and whine and wander all over the place and then proceed to be the main attention grabber and distractors at an event that is suppose to be a somber event. This morning I said I would compromise and we wouldn't put no kids on the invites and I would just arrange for an on site babysitter but then no kids in the ceremony. He knows his niece is out of control and screams and pulls things down and is a general menace (a cute menace but who ever said Denis wasn't) yet he thinks he should get his way about this. The other two kids won't be too bad except the god daughter is shy and cries when more than 4 or 5 people are around.He has only seen one wedding with kids in it and the little boy dropped and refuse to move. He thinks it was just that kid. I have been to many and the kids have always made such a scene I was embarrased as a guest.
I am really wondering where everyone is at on this one?