(Closed) flower girls and ring bearers – yes or no

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I realize that it’s not in your culture you have kids at the wedding, but it is in his so it might be nice if you comprimised, like you said have kids in the ceremony and have a sitter for the reception. I’ve personally never seen any real issues with kids being in the ceremony, but I wouldn’t count on them walking down the isle either. If they walk, great, if not, just don’t be upset about it, and don’t force them to because that’s what causes the scene.

Post # 4
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is a major cause of stress for me during my planning as well.  We are having fiance’s 3 yr old niece as the flower girl and my 12 yr old cousin as a Jr. BM.  His family has A LOT of children (about 30 ranging from infant to teenager) and his side always includes them in any get together.  My family doesn’t have any small children and I would prefer not to invite kids to the reception because I am worried about them running around and knocking things over, fighting, digging into the cake, etc.  And trust me, I have been to picnics and parties where all of those things have happened with these particular kids and the parents don’t really pay attention. 

Are the children’s parents in the wedding?

Post # 5
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

There should be a compromise here since he wants kids and you dont.  Just let the kids be in the wedding and the babysitter thing during the reception sounds like a good idea.

The flower girls in our wedding are both 8 (so no crying) and the ring bearer is 4 (this is 3rd wedding) so they all know how to act.  I think that the ages are important in weddings if your worried about them crying or making a scene. 

Post # 6
Member
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We were going to have a flower girl. I asked one of my best friends to have her daughter be the FG. Then, all my other friends decided that they did not want to bring their kids to the wedding so they would be able to have a romantic weekend away. I left it up to my friend if she still wanted to have her daugher in the wedding and they decided no. I really think weddings are adult affairs. I posted about this recently here. If I had to compromise, I would get a sitter for the reception.

Post # 7
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

At first I said no children … at all. We knew we wanted fiances nephew as our ring bearer and his mom said right away that he would have a nanny to take care of him post-ceremony … we are still figuring out that situation.

We didn’t have any little girls close to us, so we decided to have no flower girl, but his parents PUSHED AND PUSHED until I gave in.

We have his distant cousins daughter as our flower girl … I’m neutral about it. I am kind of even ignoring it. Lol.

I don’t want any children besides his nephew (who we’re close with) to be at our wedding. I have let it go though.

Will let you know what happens =)

Post # 8
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I personally think that children at weddings are great. Children are part of a family, and a wedding is a family celebration. I’ve seen kids act up at weddings, but most people understand and sometimes it is even really cute.

 

Post # 9
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

life- I’m totally with you on this one. I really strongly dislike kids in the wedding ceremony. In every wedding I have been to where there is a flower girl, everyone oohs and ahs at her and laughs as she tries to throw the petals… and this is NOT the ambiance I want to set right before I walk down the aisle! For me, a wedding ceremony should be a very romantic, but serious event.

Luckily neither me nor my FI is close to any children, and we are the first in our immediate families to be getting married, and none of our friends have had kids yet, so it’s not a problem to have an adults-only reception. I think your compromise about the on-site babysitter is a great idea.

If your FI insists on having the kids in the ceremony, maybe you could have the kids walk down the aisle first to get them out of the way and then have time to re-set the mood for your walk down the aisle and the rest of the ceremony. Or you could have the kids walk down the aisle with their parents, and possibly sequestered to a different room. Definitely seat the parents with the unruly kids next to an easy exit.

It seems like you think your FI just doesn’t know how kids can be at weddings. Have you tried approaching the conversation with your FI from the angle of wanting the ceremony to be perfect for the two of you- sans screaming. If kids aren’t used to going to church, they don’t know how to be quiet. Ask him how he would feel if a kid had an outburst while you were saying your vows to him.

But if you end up giving in to him about the kids (which would be a very wonderful and selfless way to start your marriage if it really does mean so much to him) it wouldn’t be the end of the world, and maybe you will get some bargaining power on another important issue!

Post # 10
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We are only having our nephews at the wedding (no other little children that are closely related to us). All three are going to be ring bearers, sorta. We are giving each a specific job so they all feel special. His nephew (will be 4) will be the real ring bearer. My nephews (will be 10, 7 and are brothers) are going to carry the sand ceremony set. I am concerned about his nephew acting ‘right’ because he is VERY shy and really dependant on FH sister. I suggested to her that we get his nephew to know my nephews before the wedding – like taking them to Chuckie Cheese or something – so his nephew will be less shy around them. We too have no little girls close to us so we are not having a flower girl.

I think having kids at a wedding can be lovely and when they are close to you it is all the more important that they be apart of such an event. If I or he had a god child I would want them to be in the wedding so I can see where he is coming from. I think a compromise is needed and I love the idea of having an on-site baby sitter for the reception. Such a great idea. I don’t think the kids will act as bad as you are expecting. I bet they would be just as nervous about everything as you would be for them. And like Jacqi said let them walk down with time to re-set the mood before your entrance and maybe allow them to sit in so they aren’t expected to stand and act ‘right’ the entire time. But I think your FH would appriciate having these children at your wedding – they seem very important to him

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