Post # 1
so as usual, my mom dropped the etiquette bomb on me again (as she does every weekend). she told me that the groom’s family should pay for my bouquet, the bouts, and the corsages. that would leave the rest of the ceremony and reception flowers up to them.
is everyone else abiding by these rules??
thank you soooo much!
Post # 3
nope. we’re paying for the whole shebang ourselves, even declining my father’s offer to pay for everything…
for us, it just doesnt seem "right" to accept people’s "donations" since we are both out of college and working
Post # 4
Your mother is wrong; that is not a traditional expense of the groom’s family but of the groom himself. The ceremony and reception flowers are traditionally at the expense of the bride’s family. However, all the traditional expense guidelines are sort of crap nowadays… if you mom really wants to stick to them, perhaps your FI’s family could ask her about the dowry.
That said, if your mom doesn’t want to foot the bill for those items, your and your FI should try to pick it up yourselves. The way it generally works now is that each family contributes what they can, and what they would like to provide, and the bride and groom (as the adults they are) are responsible for the remainder of their event.
Post # 5
We are paying for the wedding ourselves. My FH is out of college and working and I will graduate in August. We’re also old enough to shoulder the responsibility ourselves (27 and 26).
Post # 6
That was the rule way way way back in the day. When/if the groom to paid for the bride’s bouquet – it wasn’t like the brides family gave him the bill!
Weddings done in the time etiquette like this was proper aren’t like weddings today. There was no "vision" or "theme" for the flowers. The groom/groom’s family would have picked out and paid for the bride’s bouquet.
If your mom wants to provide the groom’s family with the bill – that’s rude. If the groom’s family offer to pay for these items, let them (lol!). But if your mom really doesn’t think she should pay, then you should, IMO.
Post # 7
I’m pretty sure, "etiquette-wise" the only thing they are responsable for is the grooms/rehersal dinner.
My FMIL offered to pay the down payment for the flowers when we went in but only because this is something she enjoys doing and to be honest every littlle bit helps.
I think that if your mom is so worried about who pays for what she should take the time to look it up herself and not stress you with the questions. Just simply being the mother of the Bride I would automatically think I was to cover everything, if I had offered to pay for the wedding. However if this is something that you and FI are paying for then she shoulnd’t be so worried about the little things like that and let you navigate through it knowing that if you need the help you will come to her and ask.
Post # 8
I will say that my fiance’s family has offered to pay for the "groom’s expenses" – which they outlined as the rehearsal, my bouquet, the bouts and corsages, as well as a couple other items. This was their choice and in their opinion a fair way to make a contribution. My family is paying for the rest of the expenses. I do think it is wierd to pass over a total for "their flowers" but this is how my MIL wanted to break it down.
It would be completely different is my mother forced this antiquated tradition onto his parents vs. their desire to do it themselves.
Post # 9
My FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and then gave us what they could help out with as a lum sum. My parents are picking up the flowers and reception and we’re doing everything else – invites/programs, photography, DJ, our attire, honeymoon, rings
I know personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to FIs parents and saying "hey, can you pay for this?" I feel like whatever either side can contribute, great!
Post # 10
I know that everyone has strong opinions on who should pay for what – it’s a hard topic to talk about. Some people like to stick with what is deemed "traditional" but others like to do things in different ways.
In my opinion I think that both families as well as the couple should pay for the wedding. That way everyone can have a "say" in the matter. It really is a party for both families and both families will undoubtely have opinions in how the party should be organized. Yes I’m 29 and working, however, I’m paying off student loans and there is no possible way that I could afford to throw the party that both of our families are hoping for. No party is worth putting myself in to debt for. I’m very lucky that my family and my FI’s family are so generous and willing to help us out on our special day.
That being said, etiquette schmetiquette! Do what works for YOU. 🙂