FMIL and dirty laundry

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@anonym1:  Who touches someone else’s dirty underwear?  Gross!

If you want to ruin your blue cardigan, go right ahead!  I’m not going to touch it before or probably even after it’s clean.

Post # 4
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’ll never win this battle if your FI doesn’t back you up.  It might be worth it to do laundry at a laundromat.  I think this is a “pick your battles” type of situation… if this issue is near and dear then it’s worth it to stick to your guns.  If this is going to cause a ruckus you have to decide if it’s a hill you want to die on.

Post # 6
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

@anonym1:  I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that she’s really just trying to help and is still sort of “mom”-ing you guys not because she doesn’t trust you but because she loves you guys!

But I guess the question is…is it worth switching to a laundromat over? Or can you just grin and bear it, thank her for her tips, and continue to do your laundry your way?

Post # 7
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly if this is such an issue for you stop doing your laundry there. She is just trying to be helpful and watch out for your clothing. 

Post # 8
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I lived with DH’s parents for 4 months a couple of years ago, and when I wasn’t paying attention she would grab my laundry, wash it and throw into the dryer. I hang dry a lot of my clothes, so the couple of times this happened I about had a heart attack (especially since I only had a finite amount of clothes at my disposal at the time). I was thankful she was helping…but I became vigilant about my clothes lol.

Post # 9
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That is just WEIRD.  You couldn’t pay me to touch someones dirty underwear and socks!  I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near it.  If it bothers you that much, I’d probably just make the drive to the laundry mat, and find a near by coffee shop and a book to enjoy.

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

@anonym1:  Well, I think part of the problem is that you’re using her washer/dryer in the first place and aren’t present sometimes – do you mean you just drop it off?  If you have that much of a preference when it comes to who does your laundry then you better be there to do it, I think.

Also, moms and MIL’s are like that – they usually want to help!  If yours is anything like my mom and my MIL, they both want to do anything for me and DH, and if either of them got the chance you bet they’d fold my laundry.

If it’s that big a deal to you that she not mess with it then I’d take it to a laundromat – that way you get full control.  

Post # 12
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@anonym1:  can you just go to a laundromat? Or will she be offended?

Post # 13
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

@anonym1:  Hm…well that’s a bit of a quandary.  So you want to use her facilities, but you don’t want anyone to touch your clothing besides you or your FI…in that case I think if it were me I’d still go the laundromat route.  Because I don’t know how you can get your feelings across to your FMIL without offending her, since you’ve talked about it with her already.    

FWIW I guess I don’t hold the same discomfort when it comes to laundry, so I guess take my opinion with a grain of salt.  I mean.. it’s just a nightgown in my eyes – if someone wants to wash it/sort it/fold it, awesome!  However, since this is so important to you maybe you should just do it elsewhere. 

Post # 14
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That would really creep me out too. I’d probably still take it there and do it myself, but if for whatever reason you couldn’t go then I’d wait and take it to a laundromat before allowing him to do it again – unless he swears not to let her, but then will she strong arm him and still do it anyway?

Post # 15
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had a similar issue a few years ago with my MIL. They are retired, so they are able to visit for a week at a time. My husband and I usually go to work as normal when the visit and spend evenings and weekeds together. When I’d come home, I’d find my MIL doing TONS of yard work. I felt offended and worried that she thought I wasn’t keeping a tidy house. I ended up talking to my FIL about it and he reassured me that she thinks very highly of me and this is the only way she knows how to mother us as adults! I then realized she was doing this out of a sense of generosity, which is lovely, and hey, no more yard work for me!

I do agree that dirty laundry is pretty personal and if she continues to comment on it despite you and FI requesting privacy, she’s being intrusive. If she continues to offer suggestions about how you should do it just say, “Thanks for the tip! Everyone has different ideas about laundry!” and if she hangs around, just tell her, “Oh, you don’t need to help! See you back upstairs in a few!” If it continues to feel unfortable, do your laundry elsewhere.

If you can throw her bone, see if you can make any requests for her to do something to help you or ask her advice on something. It will make her feel good to know she’s helping you.

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