Post # 1
I have been dating my FI since I was 17. I’m 27 now. The first 8 years was fine. I got along with his entire family and had no problems. His little sister met a guy 2 years ago and went from this sweet little girl into seriously making my life hell and FMIL chiming in also. A year ago, my FI refused to clean up their dogs pee and poop from the house(they shared their parents home) since they didn’t potty train the dog. She came in screaming about how *I* made him a complete douche and howI’m making him into this horrible person who just leaves a dog in the kitchen to make a mess. When he came out and said it wasnt his responsibility to clean up after the dog, and its their dog and their responsibility to clean up after it. She then came out and started screaming about me being a slut (hello we’ve been dating 9 years at that point), and a whore, then tmy favorite line out of her mouth “she’s a bitch and MOMMY said I can call her a bitch whenever the hell I want”. FSIL then proceeded to call FMIL crying saying FI started an arguement with her!
Fast forward 2 months his mother wanted to host an intervention for US! We went over there and the only thing i wanted to know was if she told her child to call me a bitch and she agreed that she told her to call me whatever she wanted cause thats her right. I was just disgusted by the whole thing as his mother is screaming sloshing wine around in a glass and grabbing my arm so hard i had a bruise to push me out the door. Then she made my FI choose between me or her. When he told her he wasnt leaving me she told him to pack his stuff up and live in his car. My parents thank god, let him move into my house so he had a place to stay.
So now his little sister, who got evicted out of their house, and doesn’t feel like she needs to work and her husband who works part time living with his parents now and have a newborn child that they can’t pay for or take care of. 2 weeks ago we were going to drive 5 hours and go to his parents house to be nice and go visit the baby and so he can hang out with his father. well FMIL called my FI and said Jennifer does not trust me with the baby so she isn’t allowed to come to the house. Right now FMIL has a perfect family here with the new baby jennifer, mike and your father and we really don’t want you to be around either. MY FI was visibly upset and we ended up staying home. The next weekend we went down to visit his grandparents and we only told his dad we were there since we didn’t want drama. sunday an hr before we leave FMIL shows up at his grandparents house and her legit words were ” i’m here to say hi to MYYYYY son” and he then proceeded to tell her he didnt want to see her and why did she come then she started screaming about how I’m the most disrespective person in the world and i have torn his entire family apart and how I ruin every single holiday and the she looks straight in my face and said WELL YOU ARE A BITCH. I saw red… upset i screamed and told her she needed to take a good hard look in the mirror cause shes the biggest bitch here, i don’t need to respect anyone that doesn’t wanna respect me and how the door goes both ways. after about a 20 minute arguement with FI screaming at her telling her shes acting like a lunatic she left. I was hysterical and FI was visibly upset. His grandparents went on to say how none of this is our fault and this is a direct correlation to jennifer and whatever she wants she gets and mom just puts her on a pedasta even when she’s wrongl.
The day we left FMIL then sent a huge text message about how i’m a bitch and how he really should think whether its worth it to lose an entire family for one person.
Now our issue is what to do with the wedding we have coming up. Obviously regardless of what happens we will invite his parents but we’re both torn on whether to invite his sister or not. Both of us don’t want her there but we don’t want to cause more problems then it is.
Post # 3
@Sheryl0013: I’m sorry you are going through this but when you say “obviously regardless of what happens we will invite his parents”
Well, there really is nothing obvious about that. Why would you?! FMIL sounds mental and exactly like she’s going to cause a scene. Do really want to, either of you?
Can you elope? Have a kick ass party when you return. With huge doormen and if anyone starts anything they are straight out. And don’t invite the sister, shes a narcissistic little pain in the ass!
Post # 4
Do not get your wedding ruined by this craziness!
Post # 5
@Sheryl0013: Personally I would not invited the parents nor the sisters. I know it would cause a rift but seriously you can’t loose what’s already been lost. They both sound insane and would probably not come to just “spite” you.
Post # 6
@RedJezabel: I really don’t want to invite either of them. He wants his father there though and he knows if his mother isn’t invited then his father won’t show up either. This is just causing a huge upset. After the arguement i was literally hysterically crying when she left because i just do not understand where this hatred for me has even come from. Especially when for so many years there was not a problem. I could see his mother and sister trying to ruin the wedding, thankfully my father would never let it happen.
At this point and dealing with this for two years I don’t think I could ever forgive them. I told him I’m never going to another family function and he said he understands and its totally okay with him. We’re now even considering moving back to NJ just to escape this whole chaos.
@LuvMySailor: FSIL would come because they know it would be our money their wasting. Since me and FI are paying for our wedding ourselves. At this point im just dreading the day for the drama there will be.
Post # 7
You should not be dreading your wedding day! This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.
If I were you, I would talk about your concerns with your fiance’s father, since he seems to be the only reasonable one on that side of the family. Explain why you don’t want his sister and mother at the wedding and see what he says. I would NOT invite the sister – you and fiance both don’t want her there so she doesn’t get to come. I would also tip off your wedding coordinator or security or whoever will be running the event on the day of. If your FMIL starts any drama, she should be asked to leave. Don’t let her ruin your big day!
Post # 8
I agree with PPs, I personally wouldn’t invite either of them. They sound like lunatics. They clearly don’t want to be a part of your life, so give them that. Don’t invite them, and after what they have said to you, they should have no reason to expect to be invited. Your FMIL TOLD your FI to choose between the two of you, and obviously he is choosing you, so don’t invite either of them.
I would talk to your FFIL about it. He sounds like the only person in that family that isnt insane, so he should understand. If you have to invite your FMIL, you do NOT have to invite your FSIL, and if I were in your situation, I absolutely would not invite her, even if I did invite the FMIL. They need to realize that they are causing problems for themselves, not just for you and your FI.
Post # 9
I don’t know what the right answer is, but I am so sorry that you have to deal with this! I am glad your DH is on your side though!
Post # 10
If I were you, I’d elope and spend your wedding money on a honeymoon. No matter what you do, these people will do their best to RUIN your wedding. Could you go to the courthouse with your parents & his dad?
Post # 11
I personally would not invite the FMIL or the FSIL. I simply do not believe in obligatory guests. If FI wants them there, I would respect his wishes – on the condition that security of some sort would be there to remove these “ladies” if they become disruptive.
Post # 12
@Sea_Ashley: My FI tried talking to his father but his dad just keeps saying he’s staying out of it. FI’s grandparents even contacted FFIL because his mother totally overstepped her boundaries again. We know as of right now his parents are not talking to eachother, his mother is just focused on whatever FSIL wants and desires. Because they aren’t talking I’m sure something was said to her she didn’t like.
I think its just so awful how a parent could write a child off so easily. My parents would never ever put me in a predicament to choose between two people and whether my parents approved of who I was dating they would always put their best face forward. It’s horrible when my father has nothing nice to say to FI’s family for the things they have done to me. I still dont understand how FI’s mom in front of me could say such callus things about our relationship. I don’t get how i can be called a common denominator in problems when the only people in the entire family i do not get along with are his mother and sister. The rest of the family i love and adore. I’m dreading my bridal shower because I know there is going to be huge problems when FMIL and FSIL are not invited but the rest of the women of the family are. Even the rehearsal dinner is going to be awful…
@dlbaqua: I would love to elope. Go to the islands have a perfect time but my FI wants the big wedding. I wanted 60-75 people; he wants 150 people. I know when the day comes I’ll be overthe moon happy since I’ll be surrounded by people who we both love but I know there is always going to drama. My father would never let either of them ruin our day and he tells me this over and over that he has no problem telling them to leave and escorting them out.
I think we are going to have to sit down when the guest list time comes and decide if we really want to spend 250$ for two people that doesn’t give a crap about us.