FMIL and future family in general– RANT

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you get along with your Future in-laws
    YES! : (50 votes)
    81 %
    NO! : (9 votes)
    15 %
    We dont speak! : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 4
    42101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @gigglebox:  I got along great with my ex in-laws so I understand where you are coming from.

    Your advice is a bit simplistic though, and perhaps a bit hurtful to some of the Bees who are dealing with truly difficult people. I am sure that all the bees who have posted about their problem in-laws have tried to get along to the utmost of their ability. They also don’t necessarily have the option to avoid them altogether.

    Let’s just be grateful we don’t have to deal with the psycho FMIL and MIL’s that some of the Bees have.


    Post # 5
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @gigglebox:  I love my in-laws too!  It makes life so much easier that we all get along too.

    Post # 7
    135 posts
    Blushing bee

    Yeah, none of that stuff helps.  My MIL is crazy.  The more I try and appease her the more she demands and the less happy I become.  And if I couldn’t bitch about her to my spouse or mom, I would go insane.  We started out close, but with closeness she lost her filter.  I tire of hearing how all my decisions are wrong when I’ve had a happy marriage for nine years.  I still am there for her for family deaths and hip replacements, but I do it to support my husband.  Not speaking to her the rest of the time, I do so I can have a confident fullfilling life, free of unjust judgement.  Otherwise it feels like a bad breakup except I’m never allowed to heal and move on because she’ll always be in my life, disappointed in me.

    Post # 9
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I adore my in-laws!

    they are just so sweet and nice! I am just super blessed to have them..

    that doesn’t mean we don’t have occasional misunderstandings.. But we just talk it out and move on..

    i consider them like my second parents and they consider me like another daughter.. 🙂

    Post # 10
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Truly toxic and hateful people can’t be dealt with by taking them to dinner or buying them a candle.  TRULY toxic people need to be cut out of your life.  Some people refuse to respect boundaries.  Again, dinner and a candle aren’t going to fix that.  Hard boundaries will.  I think your heart is in a good place, but quite often the advice just isn’t realistic.

    Post # 11
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @gigglebox:  Minus my FFIL I get along with my FMIL and 3 FSILs just as if they were already my family. We had about the same relationship. We started as friends then went to more(FI first started to work with my mother and she tried pushing us together but we just became friends but then we did become what she wanted I wish she would have seen us though. But I know she is happy/proud of us :))

    Post # 12
    3833 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @gigglebox:  It’s sweet that you get along with your in-laws, but I don’t know that those of us who are lucky enough to have good in-laws can really understand what it’s like to have cruel, manipulative, or toxic in-laws. In my experience, with people like that, usually a candle or a hug won’t help anything.

    Post # 13
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @gigglebox:  Well if you would like to come over and try to hug my FIL, I wish you good luck.

    I tried to be civil after the wedding, including giving him hugs and a kiss on the cheek. It was met with nothing but him still treating me like complete dog snot as well as his own son. So I quit that in a hurry.

    So, as for your advice, I have tried to invite him over, but he is “too busy” working. Work is more important, and I am sure if I gave him a candle, he would ask, “Why the hell would you give me such a stupid gift?” Why wouldn’t he? That’s what he said in front of the ENTIRE crowd outside of Red Lobster when DH gave him a waffle maker for Father’s Day. Then he gave the waffle maker back to DH and told him he could use the “gay” gift.

    And the nicer I am to MIL, the more she tries to get us sleep over every weekend, call her (and call us at any hour of the night), visit her, and come to every family function. I get along with her, but she also has boundaries.

    Bless you for having such wonderful in-laws. It is something some of us don’t have and won’t have even if we follow your innocent advice in your last paragraph of your post.

    Post # 14
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My mother in law confronted be about our rehearsal dinner at my bridal shower and made me cry… (Long story but they DID NOT express any interest in hosting one so we planned a small picnic ourselves… Well that made them livid…)

    my MIL and her mother wrote decline on their invitation rsvp

    we still had a seat and dinner for them at the wedding hoping they woukd change their mind

    they showed up late for the wedding, sat in back, turned away from the photographers, rejected our corsages and left after the ceremony without saying a word to me and only said a few dissapointing words to my new husband..


    we have barely exchanged words since. And it has been almost an entire year.

    It is hard on me, i always dreamed of great inlaws, and it can sometimes put a huge stress on our relationship…. But i surround myseld with happy people, no time for the negative!

    my SILs are great!!!!!

    And my husband hit the jackpot with my mom, she loves him like a son.

    Post # 15
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    FFIL punched my FI in the face when he was a child. Repeatedly.


    I’m sure a candle and a hug will make everything all better. We’ll all be giggling besties in no time thanks to your super awesome advice. Yell

    Post # 16
    2136 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Yeah…I don’t think it’s a lack of effort on my part, but thanks anyway.

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