Post # 1
So when we first made decisions about the wedding, we decided we wanted a smallish wedding–about 100-120. We then picked a beautiful venue that everyone is so excited about–at a historic hotel with a small ballroom that fits (fire capacity maximum) 150 people. This seemed fine because the initial invite number was 130.
The problem is that my FMIL keeps adding more people to the guest list (she has access to an electronic version online and every time I log in there are 3 or 5 more people). The guest list has grown to 170+. She is volunteering to pay the additional per plate cost of food/alcohol so at first I told her that it was ok if she had some more people than my family (FI has a much bigger family than I do). Also, FI’s family is being SO generous about the wedding. They are throwing a beautiful rehearsal, paying for all of my flowers and even “gave” us a photobooth for the wedding for Christmas. I know they are just adding people because they are excited and I really do love them and have a great relationship with FI’s family. However, I’m getting a little freaked out because I’m afraid that if we have a high yield (90%) we have invited more people than fit in our venue–I wouldn’t even know what to do with them! Before I go to her and ask her to cut the list (which I’m worried would jeopardize our good relationship) I was wondering if I’m getting unnecessarily freaked out? Is 90% yield so extraordinary that I shouldn’t worry about it? What would you do? Sorry this is long but I’m getting a little panicky. Thanks bees =)
Post # 3
I think you’re fine inviting 170. But I would cap it at that. Tell her NO MORE than 170 can be invited. Boundaries are tough. Especially when they’re nice. lol.
Post # 4
OMG! Finally, finally a family member adding to the guest list who actually politely offers to pay for the extra heads. That never seems to happen!
Does she know the size constraints of your venue? You should tell her ASAP. 90% is a high turn out, but it’s much better to be safe than sorry. Could you work on a B-list with her? You’d send out invitations a few weeks earlier so that you have a chance to examine the yield before inviting more people. Just make sure if you go the B-list route with any additional guests she wants that none of her B-listers are close with the A-listers. Your FMIL sounds refreshingly reasonable so I imagine if you explain this to her, you two can work out a strategy easily.
Post # 5
I would speak to her and cap her off before it gets out of control. I agree with Chicagobride, have an A-list and B-list. Then you know you won’t be overextending yourself.
Post # 6
You are in a good position to talk to her because you have such a legitimate reason. I would say all of the nice things first, and just let her know this is just about logistics. At 170, I am SURE you are fine. She will also have better insight into who will actually come, how far away they live, etc. If you present it as working WITH her, that will go a long way, I imagine. And the more involved she feels, the better things may be, so at least project the idea that this is about her wonderful and generous involvement.
Post # 7
Oh I TOTALLY understand your situation!!! My venue as well only holds 150…..she said that her and Fis father get 50 people to invite, my parents get 50 people to invite, FI gets 25 and I get 25….This worked out just dandy until…..her and Fis fathers number went from 60 to 84 making our invite list over 180!!!! Some of the people I had never even heard of….
I would just try to be honest with her, but really your fiance is the one that should be talking to her. Its his mother and he needs to work this out with her. Good luck!!!
Post # 8
Thank you guys. This makes me feel much better–I’m thinking I will just let her know that I’m sending STDs soon and that this has to be the final list. I just have a hard time setting limits–I just sit and panic by myself!
Post # 9
I would talk to her and say “look LEGALLY we can only have 150.Who on this list is a must-invite, who is a should invite and who is “well it would be nice to invite”? perhaps some of her friends could be a B list invite.