Post # 1
Hi Bees. FMIL told FI when we first got engaged that she wanted to buy me some jewelry for the wedding day. FI told me, not realizing she wanted it to be a surprise. But she doesn’t know that I’m aware of this.
Time passed and no word about anything. I was getting nervous because I’m a person who very much wants everything taken care of ASAP. FI would mention it to her and she’d get angry with him, telling him not to rush her.
At the 2 week mark until the wedding, FI told me to just buy everything I needed because who knew what his mother was thinking. She hadn’t even started looking for anything yet, and I didn’t want to be stuck with nothing to wear the day of the wedding.
So I went out and I bought what I wanted.
It’s now a few days until the wedding. FI hasn’t said anything about it and I don’t want to ask.
I have such a strong feeling that she will buy me something and give it to me at the rehearsal dinner. The thing is, I spent money on stuff for myself, that I wouldn’t wear for any other occasion.
If she does give me a gift, would it be rude and insulting to be honest with her and tell her I already bought my jewelry but I would wear it the day after the wedding?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s really appropriate for her to expect you to wear jewelry that she’s bought you without your input. Unless it’s heirloom jewelry, or something like that, I don’t think you have any obligation to wear it. It might not go with your style of dress, it might not be your personal style, etc. If she says something to you about wearing it on your wedding day, just say, “Oh, thank you so much but I’ve already picked out my wedding jewelry! This would go perfectly with the red dress I own, blah blah blah”
Honestly, wedding jewelry is pretty personal, and if she wanted you to wear it she should have taken you shopping or asked what type of things you were thinking of wearing.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@AnonHoney: HRMMM…… Unless she says “this is to wear on your wedding day” I think I would just accept the gift and make a point to wear it when you see FMIL NOT on your wedding day.
Personally, if she gifted you something and said “this is for tomorrow” I would suck it up and wear it. If she gives you a necklace and earrings maybe you could get away with just wearing one or the other, depends on if you like what she picked out or not.
Regarding the jewelry you bought yourself, either return it or sell it. At least that’s what I did with mine!
Post # 5
@AnonHoney: I think if she really cared about gifting you something to wear on your wedding day, she would have both asked your opinion and not waited so long. I wouldn’t feel obligated to wear it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
It’s perfectly okay for you to say, “Oh my gosh! It’s lovely. I wish I would have known this would be your gift because I’ve already chosen my jewelry. I would love to wear this for a different occasion, though. It’s truly beautiful!”
…It’s not your fault she procrastinated.
Post # 7
@sarals24: I agree. I also think if she wanted me to wear it the day of, maybe giving it to me a few months ago would have been more appropriate. It’s not like I will wait until my wedding day to figure out what I’m going to wear.
FI did tell her not to bother and told her I already bought all my jewelry. I know this much. But I still have a feeling that she’s still going to give me jewelry.
I hope she doesn’t specifically mention the wedding day. I will just leave it in that case and wear it the day after and make sure she notices. Otherwise, I might just turn to FI for help.
Post # 8
@AnonHoney: If she gives you – at the last minute and without ANY input from you, or notice to you – something to “wear on your wedding day” she HAS to realize that by now you have picked something for yourself and you might very well not wear her gift. Or you might wear her gift. She is the once taking that chance.
Post # 9
@Mrs. Gremmlin: That actually sounds pretty good. I just hope I can pull it off and not turn red and get all awkward.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
@AnonHoney: Just smile, give her a hug and thank her. She can’t be mad at you. And if she is and you’re super sweet, she’ll have to hide it.
Post # 11
Well if this was supposed to be a surprise and you wouldn’t have known about it if FI hadn’t let it slip, how was she expecting you to not buy your own jewelry? I think many brides have their accessories sorted out at least a few weeks before the wedding. So if she hasn’t given you anything by now I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s kind of unreasonable on her end if she was thinking of surprising you at the rehersal with jewelry she wanted you to wear the next day, why wouldn’t you already have jewelry by then?
Post # 12
@AnonHoney: I don’t think you have to wear it. If your FMIL wants to pick out something for you to wear on your wedding day without your opinion or even guidance from your FH then she’s running the risk that you won’t like it. If she really wanted to get something you love then she should’ve asked you. End of story.
Post # 13
@AnonHoney: are you a) past the return date? b)are you going to be around her at all before the wedding? Since its so close it wouldnt be weird to bring up wedding things, so why dont you casually say “oh my gosh you should SEE the jewelry I got for the wedding its SO prefect”
and see if she makes a “uh oh” face…. I guess if the wedding is this weekend there’s not much you can do :s Thats tough…especially if you dont like what she got…if in fact she ended up doing it……she may not have. It’s annoying that you spent money on your self but the worst case is you have too much jewelry to choose from…which isnt the worst thing in the world
Post # 14
Is she usually pretty cool aside from this? Is she a clumsy gift giver? Any chance she has this romanticized idea of giving it to you on your wedding day, and in her clumsiness, just doesn’t realize her execution of the idea is way off?
Post # 15
I say you make a point next time you see her to mention that you found the perfect jewelry for the wedding and are really excited about it. this will clue her in that it’s really not up to her.