Post # 1
During my whole wedding prep time, I’ve tried not to get stressed about anything. It’s one day. A very important day, but in the end, our marriage is the only thing that matters. Again, I’ve tried. That is, until it came time to get names/addresses for our invites from FMIL. We are limiting our reception to no kids under 12 due to spacing issues and money issues. That didn’t go over well. We were also limiting it to 200 people. Of course, another issue. When we finally began to get names (it was an ordeal), the names wouldn’t stop coming. And we were inviting everybody and their brother. We were over our 200 limit. My invitations went out 2 weeks ago and I’m still getting names from her! How do I tell her that we’re not sending out more invitations without being a B? And directly telling her doesn’t work.
Post # 3
@MrsFisherman: If you can’t directly tell her (which is what I would do “We aren’t sending out any more invitations because we are already over our limit.”), then I would just say/do nothing. She can keep giving you names, but you just leave them to rot in a drawer. But I think telling her directly or getting FI to do it would be better…
Post # 4
Be firm with her! Lay down the law and tell her the invitations have already gone out and the people whose names she is giving to you will not be invited. Get FI involved if need be.
Post # 5
I didn’t mean that I couldn’t tell her directly, I meant that I have already told her directly and she seemed to “forget” that I said that. She’s telling me that we told her she could invite more people if some of them came back no’s. I don’t recall saying that.
Post # 6
OMG! I think you are telling my story.
We are having a relatively small wedding (130-140 max) and my FMIL flipped. She took every opportunity to remind us that so and so person in her family cannot come because our wedding was too small. She also told people (in front of us) that the only reason they wouldnt be invited to our wedding was not because SHE didnt want to invite them but because WE did not want to invite them because we were having a small wedding. When she would do that, we would feel so bad because she would say that to the person while we were there, so we felt obligated to invite the person.
Now, our guest list is up to almost 200 people. I have decided that I will not ask her for names. I am going to only deal with my fiance and he can get the names from her. I told him that it is his responsibility to tell her that we are limited by funds and cant invite everyone.
The funny part is that my mom and dad are paying for everything (his parents told him that it is the responsibility of the Brides parents to pay for the whole wedding (which i understand)) but she wants to invite more people than my parents are inviting and they are paying for everthing!
Post # 7
You DEFNITELY should get FI involved. If you and him decided on the number and age requests for guests, then he needs to support that decision with you. Don’t take all the wrath yourself. Either tell her together (if you’re afraid he’d cave) or ask him to handle his parents discrepencies and you’ll handle yours. Maybe an alternative is to say you’ll put those names on the “B” list and send them out if there’s extra room once you start getting RSVP’s. (Not trying to suggest to be dishonest, but if you actually send them then it’s up to you.) If she’s just thinking of people now, after the fact, they must not have been a “must invite” since they weren’t part of the original list.
Post # 8
i think your fi needs to tell her that all of the invites have already gone out so stop with the additional names.
Post # 9
@meanttobe- Are you sure you’re not marrying one of my FI’s brothers? lol
FMIL keeps telling me that she can’t invite this person because of our numbers and it’s the only family on her mother’s side she has left, etc. I’ve repeatedly told her that my mother and father are not inviting their friends/extended family, but she only hears what she wants to hear. And if it’s no to something she wants, she doesn’t hear it. She’s not paying for anything to do with the wedding, except for the cookies at the reception and the rehearsal dinner. My mother is paying for the florist, photographer and some of the decor. My FI and I are paying for everything else.
A little background: FI is 1 of 5 boys. 1st boy got married almost 8 years ago. I’m pretty sure she dictated what was happening and that’s what was done. 2nd boy got married in October. Wasn’t able to dictated- PO’d. Now us. Still PO’d. #4 is getting married in August and #5 in November. I understand she is having trouble giving up “her babies” but they are all ADULTS!
Post # 10
My FMIL sent my FI names of people from his side of the family afterwards and I looked at them as said to him”You do realize I am just going to throw these out right”, and he said “well dont say anything, she going to send them so I gave them to you, you can do whatever you want.” LOL Done deal.
Post # 11
FMIL was supposed to have names ready for us, but was being a PITA and refusing to do it. We finally went to her house and told her it’s now or never. She thought she had 50 invitations to send, which would have been fine, if she didn’t also think that she could put 5 or more people on an invitation! I told her she wasn’t limited to the number of invitations, just the number of people. A concept she still has chosen to ignore.