- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
*This post may turn into a long, drawn-out, rant. Sorry in advance*
So, FI and I are planning on moving Saturday (tomorrow!) into a rental house on a farm that his dad owns. We have working on renovating this house for the past few months and have put tons of sweat, blood, and tears into this house. For the past year I’ve been living in a duplex with a roommate. For about 8 months FI has been staying at the duplex with me. He came and stayed after I had my wisdom teeth taken out last August and I needed someone to basically babysit me 24-7. Then he just never really left because he works here in town (where the duplex is) and it was more convenient for him to stay here than at his parents house which is like 20 minutes outside of town.
His mother got a little upset when she realized that he wasn’t coming home anymore. She and him talked about it, but I was never involved in these conversations, which was her doing. Eventually she seemed to kinda deal with it, and finally let it go.
Then tonight we were out at our house working on it before tomorrow. FI went over to his parents house (there house is like literally one mile down the road from ours) to help his mom set up her pool for FI’s nieces that are coming over this weekend. When he came back he told me that his mom had asked him who was going to stay in the house, him or me. He was surprised at her question, and told her that both of us were going to be staying there. At that point she told him that she couldn’t support that. She brought up a conversation the two of them had a while ago about one of us staying in the house and one of us staying with them when we moved out of the duplex. She claims that he agreed to this, but he didn’t, they disagreed over the topic.
Now I’m stressed out about what to do. We’re supposed to be moving tomorrow… should we not both get to live together even though we have been for practically the last year? The wedding is in three months, we’ve been together for four years, and we share practically everything as far as bills go.
Although I don’t agree with my FMIL, I still respect her and don’t want this to cause a rift in our relationship. I’m very close with both of his parents, and love them like they were my own family. What really bothers me is that she seems to hold FI and I to a different standard than she did the rest of his brothers and sister (FI is about 10 years younger than the closest in age brother… basically he was a ‘surprise’ baby). I know he is her baby, and that could be part of it. However, his sister and her husband lived together for months before they were married. One of his brother’s wife stayed overnight at FMIL’s house with his brother in the same bed multiple nights per week.
I also don’t really understand what she thinks she is accomplishing by forcing us to live in separate houses. If she really believes that we haven’t slept together even though we live together, than why is she opposed to us living together? And if she thinks we are sleeping together (which we are), then does she think that by forcing us apart she will stop it?
If you’re still reading this… what do you think I should do? Give in to her, and us live in different places? I doubt I can really talk to her about it, as she purposefully only brings up these topics when I’m not around. Anyone else had a situation like this? How did you deal with it?