(Closed) FMIL and morning of the wedding….ugh.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Pinkmimosas:  Is there a reason your flower girl is getting ready with you? The way I solved this was that all of the kids in the wedding (they were all on DH’s side) got ready at home and met us there. They were to be with their parents the whole time. It is a lot for a 5 or 6 year old to be good for hours of hair and makeup and pictures on top of a wedding!

ETA: My Mother-In-Law, SIL, and flower girls all went and got their hair done on their own, got dressed on their own, and then met Darling Husband for pictures before the wedding.

Post # 5
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Pinkmimosas:  mimosas, one for you 5 for her. 

Post # 7
2682 posts
Sugar bee

Be kind to the child first and foremost, and the Future Mother-In-Law second.

Why not have the two flower girls do everything together?  Arrive together and travel together? 

Tell the Future Mother-In-Law what you want to do and remind her whose wedding it is.  YOU and your Fiance decide all the limo arrangements. 

Post # 8
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

‘oh that’s alright fmil, fi and i have already decided on the limo trips. you and flower girl are coming with x, y and z at 0:00 time. we’ve discussed it with the driver (even if you haven’t) and we all decided that’s the best way to get everyone there on time. three trips is too many, and i don’t want to be waiting so long to get to the church’

just be firm.

Post # 9
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Pinkmimosas:  I think your Future Mother-In-Law is making this really, ridiculously complicated!!  My Mother-In-Law is a nutcase so I wouldn’t let her come to the hotel the day of (I refused to even tell her WHERE I was staying with the bridesmaids, haha). It was very stress free since I didn’t have to deal with her, and worked out fine because she insisted on literally 6 hair trials because she wanted her hair perfect for the wedding so she ended up doing her hair all morning long, lol.

Maybe you and Fiance could pay to have her pampered in the morning? Hair, nails, etc just to get her out of your hair?  

Post # 10
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Stand strong!

“Oh, I’m sorry you guys spent so much time planning that! Fiance and I have already talked about times with the limo company, and they’ll be doing two runs, one at X:XX with (list of people) and the other at X:XX with (list of people)! But it was so sweet of you to try to help!”

Post # 11
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Can you say something like, I thought I’d pick up Flower Girl early to get ready with all the girls in the wedding party so Flower Girl and I, and the other Flower Girl can hang out that way Future Mother-In-Law can get ready and go to the church with the guys. 

I’d probably, like PP said, spring for Future Mother-In-Law to get her hair/makeup done alone.  I’d also drop it until the wedding got closer and then just dump it on her when it’s too late to do anything about it, just cause she thinks she’s got this all workd out in January doesn’t mean it’s etched in stone. 

Post # 12
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Stop letting FMIl put you in the box.  Tell her, it will be too long a day for flower girl.  Do not address the Flower Girl of the Bridesmaid or Best Man, tell her that this Flower Girl does not have to be there till (pick a time) and then whatever – Flower Girl will be picked up, etc.

Post # 13
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

say Fiance really wants her around on the morning of the wedding, and let him deal with her hahaha

Post # 14
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Pinkmimosas:  this lady sounds like a nightmare. Tell her it’s your wedding and she will be doing what you want to do. 

Posts like these make me glad that my Future Mother-In-Law is so easy-going and laid back. She thinks it’s my day and I should do what I want, so there’s been absolutely no interference even with things they are paying for. 

Post # 15
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Pinkmimosas:  I agree with the pp’s and being firm and telling her you have already made arrangements with the limo driver.  Also, I would talk to your mom and see if what your Future Mother-In-Law said is true about the conversation she had with her and express your frustration about the situation.

There is no reason for the flower girl to be there while you’re getting ready and it would be a waste of a trip in the limo.  It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law just wants to be included in your morning-of activities and is dragging the poor flower girl along for the ride.  Perhaps there is an assignment away from the venue you are getting ready at that your Future Mother-In-Law can take care of?  


Post # 16
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmmm…this sounds like a sticky situation.  First of, you and Fiance need to provide a UNITED front to his mom and everyone else.  So you guys need to discuss this together, and then whatever you agree on, BOTH of you need to stick to.  He needs to back you up on this to his mom, it just can’t all come from you.  


On the limo situation, this is what I would do. Tell her that you will take that into consideration, and then come up with a solid plan that is whatever YOU want.  And then put that down as the main plan, the only plan, as it is your wedding.   No exceptions. 


The Flower Girl situation:  I agree with other posters that her being there for the 3-4 hours while you get ready is a bit overkill. There is absolutely no reason to have her there and she will be completely bored.    Have FGs parents get her ready, and show up like 30 minutes before you all leave for the church.   I would tell Future Mother-In-Law that you need that time to relax and get ready for the wedding day, and to chill with your bridesmaids.  That is your time, don’t let her intrude on it if you don’t want her and Flower Girl there.  




For my wedding, my FGs were in the same rental house as me, and I actually watched them playing in the pool while I was getting my hair and makeup done.  My BMs of awesome helped do their hair before we left for the church. We actually got everyone dressed AT the church, as it was a long carride to get there and we didnt want the little girls getting wrinkly or messing up their dresses.  




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