FMIL and morning of the wedding….ugh.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Pinkmimosas:  Is there a reason your flower girl is getting ready with you? The way I solved this was that all of the kids in the wedding (they were all on DH’s side) got ready at home and met us there. They were to be with their parents the whole time. It is a lot for a 5 or 6 year old to be good for hours of hair and makeup and pictures on top of a wedding!

ETA: My MIL, SIL, and flower girls all went and got their hair done on their own, got dressed on their own, and then met DH for pictures before the wedding.

Post # 7
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Be kind to the child first and foremost, and the FMIL second.

Why not have the two flower girls do everything together?  Arrive together and travel together? 

Tell the FMIL what you want to do and remind her whose wedding it is.  YOU and your FI decide all the limo arrangements. 

Post # 8
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

‘oh that’s alright fmil, fi and i have already decided on the limo trips. you and flower girl are coming with x, y and z at 0:00 time. we’ve discussed it with the driver (even if you haven’t) and we all decided that’s the best way to get everyone there on time. three trips is too many, and i don’t want to be waiting so long to get to the church’

just be firm.

Post # 9
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Pinkmimosas:  I think your FMIL is making this really, ridiculously complicated!!  My MIL is a nutcase so I wouldn’t let her come to the hotel the day of (I refused to even tell her WHERE I was staying with the bridesmaids, haha). It was very stress free since I didn’t have to deal with her, and worked out fine because she insisted on literally 6 hair trials because she wanted her hair perfect for the wedding so she ended up doing her hair all morning long, lol.

Maybe you and FI could pay to have her pampered in the morning? Hair, nails, etc just to get her out of your hair?  

Post # 10
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Stand strong!

“Oh, I’m sorry you guys spent so much time planning that! FI and I have already talked about times with the limo company, and they’ll be doing two runs, one at X:XX with (list of people) and the other at X:XX with (list of people)! But it was so sweet of you to try to help!”

Post # 11
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Can you say something like, I thought I’d pick up FG early to get ready with all the girls in the wedding party so FG and I, and the other FG can hang out that way FMIL can get ready and go to the church with the guys. 

I’d probably, like PP said, spring for FMIL to get her hair/makeup done alone.  I’d also drop it until the wedding got closer and then just dump it on her when it’s too late to do anything about it, just cause she thinks she’s got this all workd out in January doesn’t mean it’s etched in stone. 

Post # 12
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Stop letting FMIl put you in the box.  Tell her, it will be too long a day for flower girl.  Do not address the FG of the BM, tell her that this FG does not have to be there till (pick a time) and then whatever – FG will be picked up, etc.

Post # 13
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

say FI really wants her around on the morning of the wedding, and let him deal with her hahaha

Post # 14
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Pinkmimosas:  this lady sounds like a nightmare. Tell her it’s your wedding and she will be doing what you want to do. 

Posts like these make me glad that my FMIL is so easy-going and laid back. She thinks it’s my day and I should do what I want, so there’s been absolutely no interference even with things they are paying for. 

Post # 15
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Pinkmimosas:  I agree with the pp’s and being firm and telling her you have already made arrangements with the limo driver.  Also, I would talk to your mom and see if what your FMIL said is true about the conversation she had with her and express your frustration about the situation.

There is no reason for the flower girl to be there while you’re getting ready and it would be a waste of a trip in the limo.  It sounds like your FMIL just wants to be included in your morning-of activities and is dragging the poor flower girl along for the ride.  Perhaps there is an assignment away from the venue you are getting ready at that your FMIL can take care of?  


Post # 16
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hmmm…this sounds like a sticky situation.  First of, you and FI need to provide a UNITED front to his mom and everyone else.  So you guys need to discuss this together, and then whatever you agree on, BOTH of you need to stick to.  He needs to back you up on this to his mom, it just can’t all come from you.  


On the limo situation, this is what I would do. Tell her that you will take that into consideration, and then come up with a solid plan that is whatever YOU want.  And then put that down as the main plan, the only plan, as it is your wedding.   No exceptions. 


The FG situation:  I agree with other posters that her being there for the 3-4 hours while you get ready is a bit overkill. There is absolutely no reason to have her there and she will be completely bored.    Have FGs parents get her ready, and show up like 30 minutes before you all leave for the church.   I would tell FMIL that you need that time to relax and get ready for the wedding day, and to chill with your bridesmaids.  That is your time, don’t let her intrude on it if you don’t want her and FG there.  




For my wedding, my FGs were in the same rental house as me, and I actually watched them playing in the pool while I was getting my hair and makeup done.  My BMs of awesome helped do their hair before we left for the church. We actually got everyone dressed AT the church, as it was a long carride to get there and we didnt want the little girls getting wrinkly or messing up their dresses.  




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