(Closed) FMIL and Planning a Wedding You Don't Want

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ELOPE…..Invite just the parents from both sides…and get married. Your FMIL will just have to get over it….

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Tell your FI that if he wants the ceremony and his mom wants the ceremony that HE should work with HIS MOM to plan it.

Why should that automatically fall on your shoulders?

Post # 5
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I vote for a private ceremony, too. If FMIL really feels the need to celebrate with a large group of people, offer to let her throw an at-home reception if she’d like. You can show pictures of your intimate ceremony & enjoy a party with friends… minus the waste of money & drama that you clearly don’t feel up for!

Post # 6
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know exaaaaactly how you feel. We cut down the scale of our wedding from other people’s requested 125 guests to our closest 45 and got a lot of flack for it from all sides. The only difference is FI is on my side and I have to hold him back from battling too hard in defense of our decisions. 

Seriously, elope. We almost did that — if the “how much we can save by next august” number were any lower, we definitely would have. 

Post # 7
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

can you not elope with your closest families and have an intimate family dinner afterwards?  Then when your house is sorted you can have a party and get your wedding video shown on a projector with your photos and do your first dance and everything then.  It’s quite popular here with brides who get married in Europe to then have an additional evening reception to share their day with everyone who wasn’t there…

Post # 8
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“However, my FMIL (after saying that we could do whatever we want last night since she is paying for the reception), was very upset and said we at least need to have a ceremony. “

Well wherever you choose to get married, you will still have a ceremony, even if it’s at the courthouse. So invite the parents and take them to dinner afterwards!

Post # 10
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I wanted to elope – my FI wanted a wedding. To please him – and because he was worried about his family’s reaction –  I caved to the idea of a wedding. I wish every single day that we had just eloped. A lot less cost, hassle, concern, etc. Giving in never pleases anybody: they just expect you to continue folding, folding, folding to new demands.

If your FI is onboard with a courthouse wedding – save for what his mother thinks – I say go to the courthouse. Really, the wedding winds up being all about everyone else anyway – you tend to be too consumed with going around and greeting people to sit, relax and have a breather. I’ve asked so many people who have married within the last few years about the music, the band, etc. – they don’t remember ANYTHING about the actual wedding. They can, however, recite the prices and all like nobody’s business.

I’d explain to everyone ahead of time what’s going on. I’d tell FI to handle his mom and settle her down. But sooner or later, she’ll get over it – or otherwise, she likely won’t be seeing you too often.

Post # 11
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@futuremrsndl:  I’m really glad you’ve gotten it sorted! A few weeks ago, I was in the exact same position. My parents were telling us to elope or go to the courthouse, and his parents would pitch a fit if we suggested it.

In the end, we just put our foot down with the in-laws: We’ll throw an engagement party and get married there, so it’ll cut back any friends or family that won’t come to “just” an engagement party, there will be lower expectations on food, decor, venues, etc. (we’re having it at my parents’ farm/garden – 6 acres of pretty spectacular garden), and told the in-laws that it’s either this or we’re going to the courthouse, because we’re not shelling out thousands of dollars on everyone else when we want to get our own family off on the right foot.

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