Post # 1
I need some advice on how to respond to my Future Mother-In-Law. Here is some background story… My family threw a bridal shower weeks ago. His family was initially invited but it was the same weekend as my FI’s cousin’s wedding so they thought it would be too much on them to come and would have their own shower. Meanwhile it was the only weekend one of my bridesmaids had available for weeks so they couldn’t change the date. So his side is having a separate shower. My Future Mother-In-Law asked me about it when we went to visit and I told her that all of my showers are a surprise I had a very nice bridal shower and I have no idea when the baby shower will be. I told her that her side would be invited to the baby shower but I didn’t know any of the particulars since I wanted it all to be kept a secret. So a few minutes later she asks if I want to have a combined bridal/baby shower and I was in shock and pretty much said whatever you want. She then goes to the calendar to set a day and time and proceeds to tell me where she wants to have it. According to Fiance (when I confronted him about it later) she wanted to make sure I could make it so she included me in the plans.
I admit I am a little upset because I did not want to be included in any of the showers. I typically don’t like surprises but that was one thing I actually wanted to be surprised with. So fast forward to now she asked for my mother’s and grandmother’s addresses to invite them to her shower, that is fine. Now she is asking if there is anyone else I would like to invite. Normally I would just remind her there is going to be a separate baby shower and most of my friends and family will be going to that and it would not be a big deal. But anything wedding related lately sets her off. So I am afraid that if I remind her that there will be a separate baby shower and to please talk to Fiance about the particulars she will get huffy. Should I just remind her that there will be a separate baby shower that her family is invited to or ask her if she does not want her family invited to the baby shower? Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated.
Post # 3
I’m a little confused.
You had 1 bridal shower with your side of the family, his side wants to throw you one AND there’s a baby shower (for you?) in the mix as well?
You can’t be completely blind to the plans for the shower(s). Your Future Mother-In-Law is just trying to make sure you’re available on a given date and why wouldn’t you want your mom included? Surprises are nice but being practical is nicer.
Why don’t you just have 1 baby shower with both sides of the family? No joint baby/bridal.
Post # 4
@PinkPinstripes: The plan was to have a joint baby shower, however my Future Mother-In-Law wants to have a combined bridal and baby shower. It is not my mom that I have a problem being there, it is inviting more of my friends and family. There are already plans in place for a separate baby shower than my Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing and his family is invited to, however now I am not sure what will be going on. And she could have easily handled it with my Fiance just like my mother who threw my bridal shower and Maid/Matron of Honor who is throwing the baby shower have done.
And yes I am 6 months pregnant now and will be 8 months pregnant at the wedding. I do know that the baby shower will be after the wedding sometime. I have known for months that Future Mother-In-Law would be having the shower in August so I made sure that I did not go to see my family in another state in August as I was planning on doing so it wouldn’t mess up any plans that she might have.
Post # 5
It kind of sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t aware that there is already a seperate baby shower in the works, that will include all of your people. I’d let her know that your Maid/Matron of Honor is already planning that, give her the MOH’s contact info so she can check and make sure that that date works/doesn’t work for her side, and then plan accordingly. It kind of sounds like she doesn’t want to inconvenience her side with 2 showers so close together, and that’s fine, if that’s what she wants, but you kind of need to know, because it would be a little odd to invite all those people who just attended a joint bridal/baby shower for you to ANOTHER baby shower, you know?
And, I hear you on being bummed out about the surprise – my Mother and Sister desperately wanted to keep my bridal shower a surprise, and my Future Mother-In-Law totally ruined it.
Post # 6
@greenmint: I did tell her that there was a separate shower, minutes before she mentioned a combined one. However giving her the benefit of the doubt I can remind her that there is a separate baby shower being held. I am afraid she will get pissy about me reminding her. I can have her contact my Maid/Matron of Honor for details, however I am sure she will spill the beans like your Future Mother-In-Law did. I did know when the one my mom threw was because she is not good at hiding things, but I will never let her know that I knew beforehand. She still thinks the shower she threw for my son 13 years ago was a surprise….lol.