FMIL asked about grandchildren

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: When did your FMIL ask about grandkids first?
    Before we were engaged. : (51 votes)
    43 %
    After we were engaged but before we were married. : (23 votes)
    19 %
    Less than a year after we were married. : (3 votes)
    3 %
    More than a year after we were married. : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Never. : (41 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    5786 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My MIL has never said anything to me directly, DH has told me that she once complained she would die before meeting her grandkids.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3472 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    HAHA! My MIL’s daughter (my sister-in-law) was so excited when she found out we were having kids because as she said “Maybe my mom will get off my back now!” (in a joking tone!) 

    This was a bit of a sore subject for me a few years ago (shortly after we got engaged) because my MIL made a comment that really hurt my feelings, because originally her son (my DH) didn’t want kids; but we’ve compromised and have agreed to have 2 (this is a LONG story!). And she said something that made me feel like she was accusing me of “forcing” DH to have kids with me. 

    Anyway, we’ve since moved on from that, and she’s very much looking forward to grandkids– but still has about 2 years to wait. I’m expecting it to come up again on 10/13 for their quarterly birthday get-together. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We went to a New Year’s party at my FIL’s house, and FMIL asked me point blank in front of a room full of people if I was going to give her babies.  We weren’t even engaged yet and I was only 22!

    Post # 7
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My FMIL hasn’t directly asked but she’s done some hardcore hinting. My FI has only one sibling and he and his wife are open about the fact that they never intend to have children. My FMIL sometimes makes comments to me like “when I’m a grandma” and “i wonder when I’ll get grandkids” etc etc. I know that she expects kids from FI and I because as I’ve said her other son is adamant about not having them. Sigh. What she doesn’t know is that I’m equally adamant about not having kids. I just don’t talk about my reproductive choices with her. I’m very not looking forward to the pressure getting pressed on after we’re married. my family already knows not to expect kids. My parents are ok with it since I have 2 younger sisters. I feel bad for FMIL but it’s not my duty to give her grandkids and I’m not gonna sacrifice my happiness or my relationship for her.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My FSIL has asked, as has me SIL, but FI’s parents haven’t mentioned anything around me. I’m sure they are well aware of the plan though, since FI’s family is all really close.

    Post # 9
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Before we were engaged/before she even met me. She put in her request for a granddaughter this time. 

    And my parents went from “no rush, we’re not even thinking about grandkids yet” to me getting engaged (and my brother about to get engaged) and now they’re baby crazy.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1114 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My FIML goes pale at any vague mention of grandchildren ever in the future.  I don’t think she’s quite accepted that one day we might procreate!  My mum, on the other hand, is desperate for me to start having babies and is always asking when it’s going to “finally” happen (bearing in mind Mr CL and I are both only 23).  I think it stems from her worry about not seeing her grandkids grow up.  Her mum died when she was 16 so never met any of us and I think my mum’s somewhat insecure now she’s older than her mum was when she died.

    Post # 11
    Member
    801 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Let’s see…. they mentioned it during our Chinese tea ceremony right before the wedding, in the wedding card they gave us, and (funniest part because my hubby’s family does NOT talk about this stuff) the day after our wedding my mother in law said to my husband “Now you need to try really hard to have a baby”.  Hubby was confused for a minute and said “what do you mean try really hard?”  then akwardness ensured.  😀

    It’s been 3 months now, and every time he calls them they ask “do you have any good news” lol…

    Post # 12
    Member
    182 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    My SO and I are not formally engaged, but it’s coming soon. We are only 19, but he is an only child, so his parents (especially his mom!) talk to us about grandkids, indirectly. They don’t say “hey give us grandkids” but we have talked about names and how great it would be to have a girl. His mother always wanted a girl, but was older when she had him, and never got her girl. My parents also always say it’s up to us to have girls, because my older brother has two boys and they don’t want any other kids. I really don’t mind because my SO and I both love kids and want to have four or five–a few years after we’re married of course! :]

    Post # 13
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I have heard about us having ginger baby girls since probably the first week I met my FMIL. (I’m a red head and he’s a blonde and irish…odds are in our favor lol) She is not a shy woman!  I must of turned so red at that dinner table…I try not to think about it.

    Part of the problem is my FIs sister is 10 years older than him. FSIL already has a 4 year old boy and now another baby boy is on the way (due in a week!).  Everyone (mainly my FMIL) wanted the baby to be a girl SO bad (it is FSIL last child) so now the pressure of a girl is on me lol.  

    Everytime I go shopping with my FMIL for my soon to be nephew, she announces to the poor people working there – we will have a GINGER baby girl soon! then the redness in face follows lol.  I don’t really correct her…I just let her have fun.  I’m 26 and I plan on waiting a few more years before we go down that road!!

    Post # 14
    Member
    4719 posts
    Honey bee

    We don’t talk to my FMIL, but my own mother has mentioned babies a time or two. She wants a baby that she can spoil and play with, but I don’t think she’s actually ready to be a grandma. She’s definitely getting there, though. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    FMIL have a good relationship, but since my ILs are older (in their 60s/70s and had their first child when she was 19) I feel like it’s sometimes hard for her to understand that we want to wait a bit. When we were engaged she told me I was getting old to have kids–I was 25! 🙂 They already have 2 grandsons so I have heard several comments over the years that we better have a girl!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1785 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    FSIL stated, “You and A are next.” and I said, “Nope – we are not married yet.” She said, “You don’t have to be married now adays” then I mentioned her parents and she said, “They are stuck in the 50’s, you can have kids and not be married.” Yet she waited to have 2 children until she was married.

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