FMIL at my bridal appt – yay or nay? (Story to follow)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@BurlapnLace:  I was in a similar situation.  I compromised and invited her to a dress shopping appointment without my mom to try on different styles and see what I liked and didn’t like.  Then I had the “real” appointment with my mom at a later date.  They were both happy!

Post # 4
Member
6274 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 invite her, at least to one appointment with you. she is going to be your family after all and if it would make her happy.

 

Post # 5
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think you should invite her. But maybe go with your mom first a few times and when you’re ready to narrow it down, bring FMIL. 

Post # 6
Member
3711 posts
Sugar bee

I wish I could have invited my FMIL; she’s a really sweet lady. Unfortunately, she lives 4.5 hours away. If she would have gone to the salon with me, at least we wouldn’t have had that awkward conversation, when she asked if she should wear her ivory or her black gown, to the wedding. (Guess what color I’m wearing?) Ah well…

P.S. I only had my mother, grandmother, and sister (MOH) with me. I’ve seen too many big groups in salons, with their conflicting opinions and tastes. It can go downhill really fast.

Post # 7
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Some advice from an xDaughter-in-law to a Future Daughter-in-Law regarding MIL’s….If you become one of those daughter-in-laws that don’t do anything with your FMIL (shopping, coffee, occasional call or drop-in, visit with the kids…etc), you will be looked at like a horrible person for her son, in her eyes.  My xMIL was so angry that I wasn’t a type of daughter-in-law that did these types of things..mostly, because she was controlling, opinionated, blah blah, blah…but then again, i am quiet, I don’t like to shop,  I don’t like to pick up the phone and call people, nor drop in on someone uninvited…she expected too much of me.  Don’t be someone I was with your FMIL.  She’ll end up hating you later down the line. You are marrying her baby boy, just remember that, Mom’s never think there is a woman good enough for their boys… 

 

Post # 8
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can’t imagine dress shopping with my FMIL. She is very sweet but I always feel very shy around her, I’m worried what she’d think of me, if I was spending too much, etc!

I would maybe consider having an appointment with her that is more about the bonding between the two of you than really about trying to find your dress, and then do your “real” shopping with the people you feel comfortable with 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@BurlapnLace I would HIGHLY advise against it.  I am super close with my mom and she is also my best firend unfortunately she lives on the other side of the country.  My SIL was visiting me (we are very close as well) and we thought it would be fun to try on dresses since I had just gotten engaged and had not gone yet.  I reached out to FMIL and invited her because she only has sons and would never get to experience this.  Like you I always had a good relationship with her but never felt I could be myself.  So the day came and went and everything was fine until she decided that I ignored her the whole time.  She texted FI and told him how rude I was to her and I purposely invited her to ignore her and make her feel bad.  She has since “apologized” in her own special way but since this nothing as been the same in our relationship and she is outright mean to me now.

Post # 10
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

One appointment with your FMIL is not going to hurt anything and will make her happy.  I would say have the appointment, but if you don’t find the one, don’t count it as a waste.  Thank her for your opinion in narrowing down your selections. 

Post # 12
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@BurlapnLace:  I don’t find it strange at all. She is going to your appointments and then going some place near by. I think it is nice you are including her, have you tried just being yourself around her-you will know her the rest of your life, maybe this would be a good way to start being more comfortable being more natural around her.

Post # 13
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

@BurlapnLace:  I had a similar situation. I love my FMIL I really do but my mom and I are super close and I don’t get to see that often being 4 hours away so I kinda wanted to do it with just my mom.

I did what most people here are saying. Take her to a few appointments so she can be involved and then go with your mom alone to other ones. 

Besides, I found trying on wedding dresses never got old! 

Also, I read your update….that is kinda weird. But, you did say she is a little awkward so maybe she didn’t realize that is a strange thing to say and she should have just left that part out. I’m sure it was not meant to be hurtful.  

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