- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
FI: Does everything to avoid a fight
FFIL: Married once before FMIL. Had 2 daughters, estranged from 1.
FMIL: Dislikes 1 stepdaughter, hates the estranged one
Janet: fake name for estranged daughter. Lives across the country. Doesn’t talk to her father or step mother. Is in her 40s
Megan: fake name for other daughter who sees all her parents often.
The Story: FMIL and FFIL are paying for the rehearsal dinner. They offered and said that the only restriction was budget, which we respected and stayed under. We are only inviting immediate family, the wedding party, and their dates. Perfect.
The problem is that we want Janet there. She is invited to the wedding, she is family, and we are only allowing the MOH and Best Man to toast at the wedding- the rest of the toasts will be at the rehearsal dinner. FMIL was furious when this idea was proposed to her a few months ago. She said she didn’t want to pay for Janet’s food, that she would REFUSE TO COME TO OUR REHEARSAL DINNER if Janet was there. We offered to pay for Janet’s meal but the conversation was left unresolved. FFIL, the person who has the feud with Janet, has no problem with her being there. FMIL hides behind the idea that her husband hates Janet, but everyone knows that’s an excuse.
Fast forward to this week. We still want Janet there and so we decide we’re willing to pay for the whole thing if FMIL revokes the money and of she chooses not to attend, that is her decision. We won’t be bullied into giving her what she wants.
So we emailed Janet asking her for her thoughts. We figured it best to find out if Janet could even come/felt comfortable coming before laying down the law with FMIL. Janet replied that she doesn’t feel comfortable coming and that she wants to avoid drama, since this should be about us (FI & me). She said she will attend the wedding since there will be more “safety in numbers.”
We were admittedly a little relieved that we wouldn’t have to stand our ground, and that FMIL would attend the rehearsal as a result. If she didn’t attend the rehearsal, she would want us to beg her to attend, simper, etc. If we didn’t feed into her temper tantrum, it’s likely she would have skipped the wedding as well.
And then the other shoe dropped. Janet told her sister Megan, and Megan told FFIL. We were going to tell FFIL and FMIL that Janet would not be coming, but we only found out 24 hrs ago. FI got a phone call while I was in class. His mother SCREAMED at him. How dare he invite Janet? She is the host so SHE decides who is coming. FI is disrespectful and selfish and blah blah. FI repeated back to me as much as he could. She finished screaming and said “Your father has something to say to you” and didn’t let FI respond to anything she said.
FI’s dad started to say something to the tune of, “Pal, that was disrespectful of your mother..” but at that point FI had taken enough. He said something to the tune of “The host is welcome to share their opinion but I can choose not to take it. This is supposed to be about us and if I want to invite family to a family event and Janet or anyone else can put aside their differences for US, then I hope you can do the same.” NOTE: we were and are happy to pay for the event.
FFIL actually agreed with FI. The whole time FMIL is next to FFIL audibly whispering things to FFIL for FFIL to say to FI. Mature. After that, FFIL and FI talked about work and casual topics and that was that. I’m expecting she’ll send us a biting email later today.
I’m just so happy FI stood up for himself. She played her usual game of chicken, “Do this or else I will punish you” and he said, “If you choose to behave that way you only have yourself to blame.