- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I don’t know if my FMIL is crazy, or just plain dumb. Let me explain…
For those of you following the drama, you know we recently (on Saturday) made a huge step in the right direction. By we, I mean my FI. He stood up to my FILs regarding the budget and number of guests, and it seemed like everything would work out! We were optimistic… and boy were we wrong. Let’s recap.
Saturday: we had our meeting with the FILs and voiced our concerns regarding budget and boundaries and so on. At the time we all made up and they accepted our suggestion of starting with family/friends closest to us, and then of the remainding number dividing it between our parents.
Excited, we moved on.
For the first time in a long time, we were relaxed and able to just enjoy wedding stuff and each other. We loved our cake tasting on Sunday, but price wise, we realized since we are serving cake for dessert we needed our guest count down to 180. Fine, no problem.
We went home and made our list of people we wanted there, in the end there were 40 “spots” leftover. We split this number 30 people to his parents, 10 to mine. I made his parents a sheet labeled 1-30, the first 20 spots were filled in with their extra family (cousins) who were invited to the engagement party, since you can’t invite to the engagement party and not the wedding… which left them with 10 cousins/friends/whatever they wanted left to invite.
Monday: FI brought them said list, and that is when shit hit the fan. Again. First, his mom didn’t understand that we already included her brothers n their family on our lists, so she threw a hissy fit about how 10 people doesn’t even cover them. Then she thought she had a full 30 still, .. really I could not have made it any more clear. Eventually, I think she understood, but said “I can’t fit all my cousins with 10 people, and I won’t pick and choose I love them equally” And now the part that REALLY gets me “you guys should just have a destination wedding, then a small reception when you get back”
ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! I had wanted a destination wedding from the beginning, she said no no no no no no NO! so now that I’ve dedicated myself to making this work and put in hours and thought and money into it, NOW she is going to suggest it JUST because she can’t invite everyone she knows?!?!?!!? FI told her if she wants extra people, she will have to pay. She replied by saying they don’t have that kind of money, and FI turned around and said, well neither do we, we want to stay within our budget.
She argued those people would gift us enough money to cover their plates and more, but FI and I stood firm that no, we were not comfortable spending over our budget, especially not with money we don’t have- yet.
She started with the guilt trip on FI (on the phone) and made him really upset, he just kept saying “I don’t know what to tell you, you have 10 people” and I could hear her yelling. So he was all pissy and upset because of the problems SHE is causing… I somehow ended up on the phone… and somehow stayed calm.
I say listen, you have 30 people, my parents only got 10, you can take it or leave it, really it’s up to you, but that is all we have room for.
She starts suggesting we cut friends, see where theres room on my parents side.
I bite back with- so you think that our friends are less important than your cousins? Or that my mom’s sisters are less important than your cousins? No. We gave you more extras than they have, take it or leave it.
She says we aren’t giving her a choice.
I say the choice is clear, you can take it and have 30 cousins, or you can leave it. The ball is in your court.
She goes “fine, we have no choice, cut ALL the cousins, it’s too bad because FFIL has no other family here”
I ask if that is her final decision, she says yes. That ends the convo.
FI and I are both super upset, not because of how the convo went, but because of how selfish she is being to her husband… he has no other family here, meanwhile she has her 3 brothers and their family. This wasn’t right, she could have had 10 cousins and then FFIL would have his cousins too and at least have some family there…Not to mention, FFIL is upset with US because he will not have any cousins there, even though it is his WIFE making that decision.
So my dad happens to call and can tell we’re upset, when we tell him what happens, he graciously says, give them our 10 and we’ll make some cuts too, tell them they now have 50 people to work with.
We didn’t want to call her, so he did… and get this, bumping our list up to 200 and giving them FIFTY guests to work with, was still not enough and she is still saying “nope, forget all the cousins”
LONG STORY SHORT:
FI and I are upset and have decided pretty much if FMIL wants to be childish and not invite any cousins because she won’t choose, fine, that’s her choice, but we are still going to invite FFIL’s cousins, because he should not be punished for her ridiculous ways.
Are we wrong? Is this allowed? Will it make FFIL less mad at us?