Post # 1
So, my FMIL is a florist and I’m really excited that she’s doing my flowers. As I told her, “I don’t care about anything else, but it would really mean a lot to me if you at least did my bouquet.” She’s doing all the wedding party and then probably going to have someone do the centerpieces.
Talking to FI today, we talk about the rehersal dinner, which his parents are hosting.
Him “We need to decide when , etc..”
Me: “When? It’s gonna be 29th, Friday.”
Him: “It can’t be that day.”
Him: “Because then my mom can’t come.”
“Me:” Why not?!
Him: Because she has to make the flowers Friday night. On Saturday she needs to do the mom thing and on Thursday they’ll all die.
Him: Everyone will be in town.
me: No they won’t. None of my family are coming till friday, and some of my bridesmaids can’t make it till then. Plus, the church only does it then.”
Here’s my question. It’s a 4pm wedding. His mom has NO responsibility until about 3… I’m kinda at a loss as to what to do…. I have no idea how much time she’ll need. I’m more than happy to help and have offered… but There’s NO WAY to do the dinner and rehearsal on Thursday.
Post # 3
Honestly, the fact she is doing the flowers is a HUGE task. Would there be any way to do something like a rehersal luncheon? Maybe that way it can be the day before and she still has time to do the flowers? Otherwards, maybe just do it on Thursday and if anyone asks just say you don’t want to have a late night the night before the wedding.
I actually wanted to have my rehersal dinner two nights before so that the day/ night before I went to bed early, etc.
Post # 4
It’s not unheard of to do a Thursday night rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
I think you need to give FMIL some slack because she’ll have the flower responsibility.
If you must have the rehearsal on Friday night, consider hiring a florist instead of using FMIL (although, that might create a whole other issue!) – that way, she can participate in the festivities and you don’t have to worry about timing, etc.
Post # 5
Does she have anyone at the shop or florist friends that can help? Maybe she can start the your bouquet in the morning/early afternoon . Then get ready for the rehersal and have someone else take over for the bridesmaids. Then after the dinner she can go check on/finish the flowers?
Post # 6
I was thinking something along those lines, start working, go to rehersal, go back to work etc…
Here’s the thing with Thursday. NOT A SINGLE PERSON attending the rehearsal dinner on my behalf lives here and it’s already asking a lot for them to come on Friday, take the day of work/school, etc….
Post # 7
Hmm… I’m with you that this is a little weird.
Have you called her to ask her directly how you can make this happen? Maybe going straight to the source will help.
Post # 8
Ya, his whole family, friends, wedding party.. Everyone is here. No one for me is here. My parents, bro and SIL, aunts, uncles and 6 of my bridesmaids are OOT… some of which are in Grad school and can’t make it till Friday. Oh, and ones in school and works full time… in Alaska. She’s not exactly making it out for a week….
So I kinda feel like it’s a LOT to ask. I feel like I’m in a bad spot as his parents are hosting it, but at the same time, unless it’s friday, my wedding party and family won’t be there 🙁
Post # 9
You are only in a bad spot if you treat it that way. Respectfully probe for a solution. You aren’t requesting anything crazy. And even if the need to make the bouquet’s THAT NIGHT (not the afternoon, not the morning, but Friday night) is a little odd (coming from someone who doesn’t know a thing about flowers), it isn’t crazy. Neither of you is actually being rude or disrespectful, so just treat it as it is: a schedule conflict between reasonable people that will be resolved through reasonable dialogue.
Post # 10
First of all, does she really need to be at the actual church rehersal? Don’t the mothers just walk down the isle and are then seated. I would think she could probably skip that and it would save her some time.
Second, a rehersal dinner would maybe be from like 6 pm on. Is there really NO WAY that she can do the flowers and finish before 6pm?
I agree that it is not unheard of to do a Thursday rehersal, but if your family and friends really cannot make it out to your wedding by Thursday then you can’t do it then. Simply put you cannot have a rehersal without your bridesmaids it kinda defeats the purpose. I agree with the PP that you have to treat it not that she is being difficult but simply that its a scheduling conflict.
Post # 11
Considering that she is a florist, maybe she only has time to work on the bouquets Friday evening because of her business? Remember, she’s not a vendor you’re paying so you can’t really dictate to her when she does it (not to imply that you are).
I completely understand though, about your guests who would attend the RD not being around until Friday and how you want them to be able to attend. Is it possible to do, as someone suggested, a rehearsal luncheon – or are most people expected to arrive in the evening? In the greater scheme of things, it might actually be nicer to have the rehearsal dinner/lunch/whatever earlier because it gives you some time to relax before the big day.
My RD might not be the night before our wedding, and to be honest, I’m fine with that because I wouldn’t mind having a full day to take care of last minute stuff without being held to a schedule. But at the same time, my mother and brother are not from OOT (One of my MOH and BMs is).
More importantly though, do your FI’s parents know that if you do have the RD on a Thursday that your parents and siblings may not be able to attend? The rest of the bridal party and aunts/uncles aside, if they know that Thursday would be difficult for your parents that might change things. I think the one thing that everyone can agree on is that having a RD without both sets of parents (living of course) is kind of unheard of. I would try that approach first, you never know…
Post # 12
Difficult situation, but the answer is not to have her do your flowers on a different day. Maybe you can help out earlier on Friday? Talk to her about your concerns and see if you can work something out. Hopefully, you will.
Oh, and off the bat, I would not recommend suggesting to her that she do flowers on Saturday. If you as my future daughter-in-law came to me asking me to do your flowers on the day of my son’s wedding, I would look at you like you had two heads. Even if the wedding were at 10 at night.
Post # 13
Im doing my rehearsal dinner 2 nights before the wedding, that way nobody will be hungover on my wedding day, luncheon sounds good though
Post # 14
I would hire a florist to do some of the flowers. Your FMIL shouldn’t have so many flowers to do that she is missing out on wedding activities. Ask her what she really wants to do (maybe just your boquet) and then hire someone else to do the rest. She shouldn’t be doing flowers instead of attending the rehersal dinner.
Post # 15
i’m doing my own flowers, so we’re going to have a lunch rehearsal the day before, and then i’ll be spending the afternoon on flowers. would that be an option?
Post # 16
I would call your FMIL up and ask what you can work out, explain that on Thursday none of your family would be in town. But, also explain that you want her to be there so you are willing to help/ do what it takes to ensure her attendance.
Usually when it comes to inlaws I think its best for the FI to handle the situation, but in this, I think it will be more peaceful if you talk to her, that way she can hear your compassion & willingness to include her.