- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2015
Ok, so I’ve been trying to figure this out for a couple of months. Why would she do this?
Here’s the story…
FI’s mom has some baggage from his brother’s wedding/marriage. FBIL and family aren’t terribly close to her and apparently they were moreso before they began planning their wedding. Once wedding planning rolled around, his wife-to-be’s family took over and cut FMIL out of the planning process and the relationship has soure since.
So, right from the get-go, FI said he wanted to involve his mom in the planning process. I have no problem with this. She lives 1.5 hours away, but whenever I am able to invite her to things, I try. On a couple of occassions, I invited her dress shopping with me… and this is where things get weird.
My mother told me about three things that she said/did on these trips that just are blatant lies. I didn’t know about these thins until a couple of weeks after when my mom just casually mentioned some things that FMIL said and I recoiled in confusion – they are just lies!
First: My mom is a HUGE worrier (worryer?). She worries about everything. It’s just in her nature. Whenever I go on a trip to an unfamiliar place or go out of town, she just asks that I check in with her upon arrival to make sure we arrived safely, blah blah. It’s not a big deal. I do it because I know it puts her at ease.
Well, one day, my mom and I are chatting and she says “So, I hear I’m not the only one that worries about you two when you go on your adventures!”. Confused, I ask her what she means. She says that FMIL told her that we always check in with her on every trip and that I – me, not my fiance – always call or text her when we return to let her know we made it back safely. I have never once done this. Ever. Neither does my fiance. He talks to his mom maybe once or twice a month! Totally weird, right?
Second: This one kind of goes with the first one…
Since FMIL lives an hour and a half away, sometimes when we are in her area, we spend the night at her house and travel back the next morning. It’s never been an issue. She told my mom right after she told her that I call her all the time that she cries every time we leave. This woman doesn’t cry – this is by my FIs own admission. She doesn’t get emotional at all.
Third: This one I didn’t find out until a month later…
My mum was sharing the story about when Greg asked my parents’ permission to marry me. FMIL retorted with “Oh, I’ve known for two years that he was going to propose”. I witnessed this one. She was very proud of it – as she should be – and neither mum nor I thought anything of it… until…
A month later, FI and I are over my mom’s house for dinner. We are talking about how FI and I will break it to everyone when I’m pregnant (we both have major baby fever, but are waiting until after the wedding). I say that I want to just tell our families first, but want to wait until I’m far enough along to make it Social Media official. He says “Are you kidding? My mom can’t keep a secret. Why do you think I waited to tell her I was proposing until three weeks before I did it!”
Right then, my mother and I both looked at eachother and made the connection immediately.
Here’s my question: Should I tell FI about this? He thinks of his mother as a saint. I know these aren’t huge lies, but they’re weird, right? Does she feel threatened by my closeness with my mom? I’ve tried to involve her as much as I could with the wedding planning process. She cam dress shopping with me, my sister and my mom. I’ve invited her to the bridal shows coming up, she said she would like to purchase our flowers, so of course she will be there when we pick them out. I’m not sure if I should say anything. It’s given my mom a sour taste toward FMIL and although I love my mom, the woman knows how to hold a grudge. Has anyone else ever gone through this?