- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So… this may be long. I tend to talk a lot and rant. But here goes..
When I first met FI and started dating his mom was so nice. I loved her. So caring. She always hugged me (something my mother never does..even though we’re really close..she just never gave me a lot of physical attention like a hug or kiss or anything like that.) We were SUPER close. Talked all the time. Had tons of fun. She even took me to the hospital when I had a very, very serious health issue almost two years ago and couldn’t go by myself and my mom couldn’t be reached.
In fairness she had a rough life with her mom. She talks bad about her ALL the time. I mean, if anything is said she bashes her from here to kingdom come. FI says this is a new thing. That she never did it till her mom died two years ago. (To be honest it makes me quite uncomfortable).
Moving on, we stayed close and she is still pretty sweet to me. BUT, something has changed. It’s like she has started showing herself more to me. First it started when FI had a really, really serious sinus infection. He couldn’t get in at his regular dr so I sent him to a dr I see whenever I have something come up and can’t get in at mine. He gave him the regular meds. It was a short, cheap visit. She FREAKED. I mean, was so mad that I would send him to a dr that doesn’t have all of his previous medical records. He has no illnesses other than very, very slight asthma that he takes no meds for…
Then she attended a wedding show with my mom and I. We kept trying to include her and have fun. She barely spoke. There was another show a week later and she declined my invitation to go again with the reason “I like plain things and you don’t. I don’t think we’ll agree much on what we would want to use for the wedding.” (She’s not paying for anything in the wedding other than groomsmen’s vests)
Then she has started doing stuff like if she wants us both to come over she calls him..if he doesn’t answer she calls me and asks to put him on the phone. She doesn’t care to ask me.
A few weeks ago as we were moving into our new house she calls him and asks if they can come over. FI had moved in two weeks earlier. It was my first day there (AND it was my birthday). I was BEYOND stressed trying to get everything moved in one day. I said that’s fine. But then she asks to go to dinner. I was a mess, I couldn’t go out and didn’t want to take the time to clean up..so I made them dinner and they came over. FI had been there two weeks and she brings a ton of his old stuff over.
Two weeks later it was her birthday and trying to get back to the relationship I thought we had I made her a HUGE supper. She called and asked if she could bring dessert. I said absolutely because I was still not unpacked other than essentials and was making a huge dinner. She laughed and told FI she had never had to make her own birthday dessert… I never got a thank you for supper. And she brought another car load of his things I wasn’t aware he had at her house.
This week was my bridal shower. She made a point to sit next to FI’s step mother, whom she doesn’t get along with. Typically I side with FMIL over FSMIL but it was like she was trying to start something. My Bridesmaid sat at the same table and said it was very tense and they didn’t get along the whole time and started taking “jabs” at each other. Afterward FI’s gma (also sitting at the table) tells me she was glad no on got hit I have confided a lot with FMIL over some nasty things FSMIL has done and thought I could count on her to help me.
Last night she called FI to tell him she thought it was weird that we were putting pics up at the wedding of our grandparents and great-grandparents’ wedding but not parents. Well, my parents were really poor when they married and they both dislike their wedding picture (there’s just one). And both his parents were just remarried in the last three years. BUT she thought it would be best to put a pic of both their new marraiges AND a pic of her and FI’s father’s wedding. She wants me to put a picture up of her and FFIL when they were married even though she knows FSMIL will FREAK out on me. She’s baiting me into a fight with FSMIL. Seriously. What happened? I thought she loved me! Does she honestly think that putting me in this position is helping? (I should also mention that she “confided” to me that every time FSMIL posts something on mine or FI facebook she has to post something undeneath what she says “just because.”
I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been fooled into thinking FMIL was the victim and FSMIL was the aggressor. I love my FI but he always sides with his mother. He thinks FSMIL has been pretty awful, and I’ve always agreed. Now his mother is doing this and it hurts me and I can’t say anything to him for fear he’ll think I just dislike his whole family. What happened? Is it typical to start out with a good relationship and it turn south?