FMIL changed… anyone else experiencing this? (LONG)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@jo_5537:  I think alot of women when they become the FMIL get a little ancy….because well its real, your son is growing up…and some get excited some get threatened by that….and a few get a little dicey to deal with because everyone knows how expensiveweddingsareandthey have a general idea of what most people expect their parents to fork over….and maybe stressed about having that or looking cheap….who knows….my relationship with FMIL has been to the moon and back atleast 3 times….just play it nice, and shrug alot of it off….and make sure your FI backs you.

Post # 5
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

First off, ((HUGS)) I feel your pain. My FMIL has done a 180 since we got engaged too. She used to say I was the best thing that ever happened to her son, I was the only girl he ever dated she had no complaints about, etc. Since we got engaged, she’s called me irresponsible for having student loan debt, says I can’t handle money, and is trying to create a wedge between FI and I. Does your FI know what’s going on? Does he back you? That’s the most important part. If he does, then my best advice is to talk to him about cutting down contact. I’ve already told FI I don’t want his mom coming over all the time, especially once we have kids. Distance is the major key. She may try pulling tricks or forcing her way in but you and FI need to be firm.

Post # 6
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

@jo_5537:  Also, as sweet as it is, I would scrap the photo idea. I personally love them, but I know if I put FMIL with her new husband, FFIL will be upset (and he’s bipolar so that would be bad!) whereas if I put FMIL with FFIL, FMIL would be upset (and where’s already so much tension). I would look for other ways to honour those long marriages of your grandparents.

Post # 10
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@jo_5537:  you are not alone! I wish I knew why monster in laws existed!

Post # 11
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My MIL went a bit mental right before the wedding too and we had always gotten on well. She acted like a turd for a couple of months which ended up with us just ignoring her for a while. She got over it eventually and she’s fine again. We still don’t know what the heck happened but knowing her it’s probably something bizarre that someone accidentally said or did. Don’t stress about it. People will just be people and if you just ignore it it will probably come good.

Post # 12
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@jo_5537:  Sorry you’re going through this. This change in her might be due to the loss of her own mother two years or so ago. As much as she didn’t get along with her mother, it is still a significant loss in her life. Similarly, as your wedding day approaches, she is feeling the pending “loss” of her son, if you will, and so she is probably lashing out in these ways even though it really isn’t fair to you or anyone she is near.

I’d steer clear of her in the coming months until, hopefully, she can settle her thoughts about all this. Be cordial if/when you see her, but don’t go out of your way to include her in this or that (I see your date is coming up soon, yay!) If she offers more “ideas” say, “Thank you, that’s a great thought and we’ll consider it.” She is clearly looking for fights around every corner what with where she sits herself or even if SHE herself offers to bring dessert, so just stay away.

As for dinners, the holidays which are a’comin’, plan plan plan ahead. Keep things simple for you in terms of gatherings, and give her nothing to complain about (if you have to get a store-bought dessert just so she doesn’t have to bring one and complain about it later, do it!)

As for your man, I know it is hard for him to see her true colors as you see them. That will probably never change unless something really drastic happened. Keep him abreast of what is going on, but don’t expect much. Do what you can for your own sanity directly related to her.

Post # 13
Member
49 posts
Newbee

Well, this might seem a little crazy… but may I suggest maybe just asking her you know “when me and (FI’s name) started dating you were so nice and I thought we had such a great relationship, but lately I cant help but feel that we dont have the relationship I thought we had, and that maybe you dont really like me.” Idk… I hope all goes well <3 Keep your head up and stay neutral with her! Make conversation, try and get her to calm down and go back to normal FMIL. 

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