FMIL creating budget woes

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Time to start talking. 

I think it’s very reasonable to want the money for a downpayment instead of a lavish wedding you don’t want!!!! Has there been an actual discussion about what you really want? Is it possible you are assuming she knows but she doesn’t really? What does your FI think about talking to his mom?

Post # 4
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

after hearing so many horror stories of IL backing out at the last minute I wouldn’t sign the contract unless I had the cash in hand. If MIL wants the big fancy place (and you are ok with it) let her sign for it – her name on the contract not yours and she can pay for whatever she wants

Post # 6
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you need to either pay for the wedding yourselves and do it exactly how you want (even if it means your FMIL gets angry over cutting the guest list) or you need to get a firm answer from your FILs on what exactly they will be paying for and how much they plan to contribute.  Even if they say they will pay for the whole thing, keep in mind that them paying is a gift to you and it should be given in the spirit of wanting you and your FI to have the day you both want.

My parents are paying for the entire wedding and, while I am 100% grateful and appreciative that they are being so generous, I’m also not letting them plan the whole thing.  FI and I decide on what we want, then run it past them to get opinions and make sure it’s ok.  The only thing they’re really getting a big say on is the guest list because if they feel like paying for a bunch of their friends to come it doesn’t really make a big difference to me.

Bottom line, your wedding day is about your and your FI pledging your love to each other and promising to be partners in life.  It needs to reflect who you are as a couple.  If your FILs are going to pay, discuss with your FI what you’re willing to compromise on and what you absolutely cannot change.  Then both of you should go to his parents as a team to discuss the decisions you’ve made.

Post # 7
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@sparksfly:  

Plus, honestly I’d rather use the $22,000 for a house downpayment.

But are they offering you $22,000 or are they offering you a wedding?  Don’t have a wedding you don’t want, but don’t think that just because they can afford to give you $22k that the money should be yours to spend however you want.

Post # 9
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@sparksfly:  I think that’s a totally reasonable perspective!  You shouldn’t feel pressured to have a more expensive wedding than you want just because that’s the amount of money on the table.

Post # 10
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t book anything without a check in my hand. Way too many stories of parents promising money and then backing out at the last minute. Have the wedding you want, not the wedding she wants.

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