FMIL criticizing my career. HELP! So frustrated!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LucyDiamond:  Where is your FI in all this? She’s his mother. As far as I can see, the problem is your FI doesn’t put her in her place.

Post # 5
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@LucyDiamond:  she’s just rude. What exactly does she do? Unless she’s an astronaut or something spectacular, tell her to shove it!

Post # 7
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@LucyDiamond:  she really has no room to judge you. Next time she brings it up I’d say “thanks for your FMIL but im happy with my jobs and your opinions will not change that. Of I need your advice, ill be sure to ask for it when the time comes”   The end

Post # 8
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

@LucyDiamond:  I would talk to your FI, in a non-acusatory way. It is hard to stan up to your parents, but he needs to do so. He needs to stand up for you.

If she keeps saying it I would just say “Yes, I am still at that job. I love it and it is a fulfilling part of my life. Not many people have jobs they love and I count myself one of the fortunate few. Thanks for your concern, but I am done talking about leaving my job because that is not going to happen at this moment.”

Post # 9
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I just don’t understand, considering she is a mother herself. I work parttime at a preschool while I am finishing up my college degrees. I love my job. I love helping, teaching, and loving on all of them. I feel like it would only be more increased if I were a mother myself. How does she not realize what you are doing for this child is worth way more than money?

Post # 10
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Definitely talk to your FI and tell him how her comments make you feel.  He needs to stand up to her.  She can take her rude comments and shove them up her ass…it’s not like she’s in some super respectable profession, you know?  And even if she were, it’s so wrong to make condescending remarks about another person’s job.

Post # 12
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@LucyDiamond:  Every time she asks about your job just turn it on her and ask about her job. How’s the dental work going? What’s it like with all those teeth all day? Do you think there should be paprika flavored toothpaste or should the dental industry stick with mint? I hope your latest response to her was enough of a push back to get her to stop, but if it doesn’t, have some ammo of your own to deflect her silly imposing thoughts on your field. And yes, FI needs to know honestly how you feel about her comments, and he needs to pull her aside and tell her to knock it off.

Post # 13
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My FI does the same sort of work you do – but fulltime, looking after adults with severe mental/physical difficulties.  In his case though, it’s his father that looks down on him for it…his father is an accountant, FI has a niche degree in science, and FFIL feels like he’s ‘wasting’ his degree.  As a side note, FI obtained his degree over 20 years ago, while university was still completely free in the UK, so his higher education didn’t cost the FILs a damn penny…

Tbh, this is one of the main reasons I dislike FFIL…in my opinion, he should be proud that FI is doing such a worthwhile job that he loves, but all FFIL cares about is money…

Your FI needs to have a word with her.  And if she does it again, actually say some of the stuff you’ve posted on here!  If she can dish it out, she can take it…

Post # 14
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

He wouldn’t talk to you for a couple of days if you told him his mother was being rude?! What if you guys have a kid one day and she is a pushy bitch about how you raise it- is he going to ignore you every time you have an issue with her?

We all have our flaws, but I think walking on eggshells so as not to make him upset that his mum is a bitch to you is the last thing I would do. I’d rather deal with it before the wedding, or any theoretical children come along, I think.  

If he really won’t stand up to her, then I’d start giving her a taste of her own medicine. Cleaning other people’s teeth isn’t exactly ‘clean’- your mouth has more bacteria than a toilet, so…  

Post # 15
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  +1!!!

your FI’s not a baby. You’re hurt by your FMIL’s comments – and rightly so. he’ll be hurt b/c he doesn’t wanna hear that his mommy coul possibly do anything wrong? WTF. While I’m usually not a fan of childish “games”, I think in this case i’d get seriously pissed at him if he starts getting defensive and starting an argument. tell him then tha YOU are the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with so the least you should be able to expect is that he stands up for you when someone is being disrespectful bother wise he’s just as disrespectful to you and that’s really no basis for a marriage. 

as for how to start the conversation, i’d try to make him see how you feel without explicitly blaming FMIL. you could even just start by asking how he feels about your jobs. Does he have any issues with any of it? Then you can keep FMIL out of this argument for now and address the issues with your FI first. If he’s fine with your jobs, tell him how you worked hard to get where you are and that it hurts you if someone is putting you down b/c if your job choices. It’s not like you chose to become a hooker! if he gets upset, I’d always try to get him to focus on your feelings. “you know I like your mum and usually I really appreciate her advice. But i feel really put down and made to feel stupid although I’m doing sth respectable.” which I think your job really is. ask your FI what a world he want to bring kids into. ONe where everyone just cares for himself or one where people help each other out? 

Next time your FMIL says something about that girl tell her: “what if our baby one day turns out to have a disability? Would you rather everyone avoiding your grandchild or would you like to have people offering friendship?” How could she say anything against this???

Post # 16
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@LucyDiamond:  If it wasn’t for people looking into other peoples’ “dirty laundry”, we might not catch pedophiles and other offenders. Her criticism is harsh and uncalled for. And right on with working with kids who have disabilities, or one, rather. I just finished the credential program to become a special ed teacher for kids who have mild to moderate disabilities. Some people ask me how I chose that path and why I’d want to work with kids “like that”, and I tell them the path chose me and those kids are truly amazing. Though I chose to get my credential in mild to moderate rather than moderate to severe (I used to work in M-S) because it’s less likely for me to get hurt physically and I want to have children so being pregnant in a M-S classroom might put me in some potential risk. I love what I chose, though and I’m happy with it. Anyway, don’t even bat an eye. If you’re happy with your life and work, it doesn’t matter how anyone else feels. I wouldn’t even talk to FI about it unless she keeps prodding. Sounds like you put her in check so I think she will lay off. 

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