- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Hello dear bees,
I need your support. I am getting very frustrated with the fact that I feel that FMIL is criticizing my career(s).
I am a private investigator, working in a small company, doing case management. I absolutely LOVE it. It is a dream of mine, and I worked hard to get this job. I studied, I volunteered, I interned, and years later I am finally in a position that I am happy to look forward to Mondays so that I can go to work!
My FMIL has repeatedly cringed her nose whenever I briefly talk about my job and how things are going. She has said many times that my field of work is “dirty“, and “its looking through somebody’s dirty laundry.”… In my defense, I do not do the stereotypical private investigation work (cheating spouses etc.). I mainly deal with Legal firms and large corporations. There is nothing dirty about it. And even if it was – it is my job, and it feeds me. And most importantly, I like it! And hey, it might be a dirty job for some – but somebody’s gotta do it!
My other part time, is a Personal Support Worker for young kids with disabilities. I was doing it for years on the side. Now that my PI work is picking up pace, I only keep one client – a young girl in a wheelchair, who I have taken care of for 8 years, since she was 13! I come to see her once a week in the evening, I play with her, feed her, help her with the shower, give her medication, and just give her my friendly company. Her family doesn’t pay me very much, around $15 an hour when I come. But it’s not about the money for me. And I don’t really look at her as a client. She is part of my life, I’ve grown somewhat attached to her and her family, and I love her. The pay is just a pleasant bonus.
My FMIL has repeatedly told me to leave this job. She hasn’t explained why, just one time suggested that “it must be mentally difficult to do it“, and that “it pays pennies“. I always explained, that yes, while sometimes it’s difficult to do it, it makes me happy and fullfilled, to help an individual in need.
Today, again, she asked, “So, are you still with that girl?” She must have asked me this question about 20 times. I answered “yes“, to which she again suggested that maybe I leave it. And I just snapped a little and I said, “Yes, I am, and will be for as long as I can. It makes me feel happy to come over to see her eyes light up. I feel appreciated by her family, which treats me great, feeds me every time I come over, and treats me like one of the family. I think that what I’m doing is respectful, and it makes me feel fullfilled to make a difference. “
I could tell that she didn’t expect this response in such a straight up way. But what I really wanted to say is “I feel you’re alwas criticizing my jobs, making me feel that I’m doing something dirty, or disrespectful. I don’t appreciate it, and would like for you to be happy for me, that I’m doing something I like and feel good about it!”
I should have said that!
It just makes me feel so frustrated every time! I try hard to make a living, and I take care of my FI. I don’t make a ton of money (FMIL mentioned that one of the reasons I should quit working as a Personal Support Worker is because it pays pennies). But I’m happy with my life and my jobs. But my FMIL’s comments and criticism make me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Why can’t she just be happy for me?