Post # 1
And she only lives about 3 miles away. She has been refusing to acknowledge our relationship due to the fact that I am older than FH, and I am divorced (she is uber Catholic, and I too am Catholic, but my first marriage is not yet annulled, so I’m not quite Catholic enough for her), and that I have a 17 year old daughter.
He announced our engagement and wedding plans to her side of the family on Easter and they didn’t even know he was dating anyone.
I have met his dad, who is very nice and apologized for his wife’s behavior. Yes, they are still married.
Now she says they are “planning something so that we can all meet her.” Should I be afraid? I mean that sounds like I’ll be some sort of spectacle and on the stand for questioning.
I know deep down that we’ve done the right thing all along. We’ve invited her to holidays at our house, a house warming party when we moved, etc. She doesn’t even acknowledge that she was invited (not even a polite excuse to not attend). But now I am scared to death of this woman. Heck, it seems my FH, his brothers and his own dad are slightly afraid of her.
Just looking for any sage words of advice when I finally meet her. Has anyone else dealt with such a stone cold woman?
Post # 3
I haven’t, but I think until you actually know how she is, killing her with kindness is the way to go for now. I normally dont say that, but if you don’t give her a reason to dislike you and she does for her own reasons, then tough cookies for her (and hopefully others will see the effort you put in, and the lack there of for her)
Post # 4
I doubt she is going to make a spectacle in front of the whole family. In fact, I would bet she will act super nice in front of an audience and pretend everything is peachy keen.
Post # 5
I’m sure she will be nice to your face and maybe talk badly about you to her son later.
I think you just need to be very nice and kind and if you have a moment alone with her, tell her how much you love her son and what a great marriage you will have.
Post # 6
I’m going to hope for you and your FI’s sake that maybe she has finally come around and realized that you are here to stay. Either she can live with it and be a part of your happy lives, or possibly lose contact with her son as times goes on.
Who knows, maybe it took the engagement for her to see how much you care about each other and that you are both committed to one another. Not saying she is right in her previous actions, but people do make mistakes and hopefully now she’ll want to make up for her ridiculous behavior.
Good luck, hun! I would be shaking in my boots with nervousness too if I were you. But think positive and kill ‘er with kindness!! 🙂
Post # 7
I second the killing her with kindness suggestion. Hopefully it will not be as easy for her to be so dismissive of someone that she has met, and is kind to her. People are so weird.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. I have a feeling it will be a lot of “Yes Mrs. Anderson. Thank you Mrs. Anderson. Of course Mrs. Anderson.” I’ll keep you updated when the dreaded “event” is planned.
Post # 9
I get the feeling that perhaps what your Future Father-In-Law means by setting something up is that a family event will be planned, but she won’t know you’re coming til you’re there. 😉 Pretty sure that this is the only reason I met my Future Mother-In-Law within the first few months of FH and I dating. I’m willing to bet she will either A) mostly ignore you or B) just be sweet as pie to your face… with a good chance of talking smack later.
If she does decide to be overbearing or nasty at any point…
A) Kill her with kindness.
B) Keep that spine straight, and don’t let her push you around. Don’t take her crap.
C) Talk to FH before hand, and make sure that he has your back and he’s not going to go all jellyfish just because it’s his mama.
Post # 10
@kitcat12: Good point. I’m actually really proud of him for grabbing the chance to bring it up yesterday. I was afraid he was going to go all jellyfish on his own and leave without mentioning it. It will be uncomfortable for both of us, and I have a feeling we’ll probably have a gin & tonic or two or three when we get home!
Post # 11
Kill her with kindness and be the bigger person sounds like a good plan. I would say just keep being kind and it should wear her down, good luck!