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I wonder if mone is the issue here? Is she embarrassed to go shopping with you because she does not have the money to buy a new, fancy dress? Maybe you could get FI to talk to his fatehr about wearing a tux and gettign his measurements taken at he rental shop? If money is not hte concern, I think the tux nudge from FI to his dad would also get FMIL to realize everyone will be in formal attire and maybe she'll reconsider shopping with you. Could it also be that she prefers to shope alone for body consious or other reasons? AMybe you have different taste and she would prefer to pick out a dress alone? Just throwing some ideas out there.
Maybe you could find some inexpensive dresses online that you think would be awesome on her, and show her? (Maybe pic a variety of styles, so that she would feel comfortable with at least one. And let her know that you will be taking family pictures that you'd like to display in your home, that she'd like to display in her home too. (And how many times does she and her husband get dressed up to take awesome pictures-that they and their kids would like to have).
I am going through almost the same thing with my FMIL. She was shocked when I told her FFIL needed to get fitted for a tux even if he wasn't a GM. FI asked his father to stand with him which I thought was very sweet, but FFIL has had several strokes recently so he may not physically be up to it. Her dress is something her sister bought for her and she asked if I thought it was too fancy. Her idea of fancy and mine are very different. If anything I think it will be on the plainer side. She is wearing one of my wedding colors but I had no problem with that.
Maybe instead of offering to go shopping with her just ask her what she is looking for and maybe find something in an affordable price range.
@Storm0075:That's a good idea.
And maybe finding photos online would be more helpful since she's probably self conscience (I know she said she'd love an empire waist because she said she's gained a lot of weight in the last year or so)
@SweetRose2011: Are they under any financial strain lately? It's entirely possible.
Have you also said any of this to her? That you feel she's important too? Maybe that's the best place to start. Tell her that she does matter to you, and you want her to feel as important as she is.
@SweetRose2011: if she has gained weight she may be feeling insecure and doesn't want to go shopping since she thinks it will be a reminder that her body has changed. My mother is very insecure about a few issues and while she did go shopping she changed her mind about a million times on what she was going to wear. I thought my mom looked BEAUTIFUL on my wedding day but I know that she isn't very confident. It sounds like your FMIL may be feeling similiar.
I would tell her how much you love and appreciate her and how you want her to feel like a million bucks on the day of the wedding since that is how she has made you feel for the past few years. I would ask he when she has available for a girls day: make a few wedding appointments, run a few wedding errands, have some lunch, and take her shopping. I would let her know the plan before hand so she doesn't feel like you tricked her into shopping but do a few other things as well so it is less pressure on her.
@SweetRose2011: I would also make a fun day out of it.. Maybe take her to lunch or something and find a dress for her to feel comfortable with and in.
@SweetRose2011: As the MOG this has been my biggest "fear" - looking absolutely awful for my son's wedding! My FDIL's mom has this gorgeous dress, she's very pretty, does her hair, makeup, etc.
Me?
I'm a country bumpkin so to speak! Favorite clothing? Sweatpants and t-shirts those $5.00/pair sweats you buy at Christmas time at Walmart! However, most days, since I telecommute - I am sitting here in pj's! We live out in the country, waaaay out in the country. I don't wear makeup, *gasp* even when we go out!! My hair - hell, my husband just trims the back of it, and I just pull it into a ponytail or bun in the back.
And, I'm also overweight - fat if I admit it. (though I've lost some, not as much as I wanted in time for the wedding). I'm terribly insecure about how I will look at the wedding.
My FDIL is the BEST! She said whatever I wear will be great. She even picked out some flattering loose-fitting formalish pantsuits. When I emailed her and told her how I was feeling so bad about how I would look, she emailed me back with the kindest, sweetest letter, gave me tears!
I finally found this dress (link & photo below) - it came in the mail, I was sooo nervous about trying it on, but it fits perfectly, and as old as I am, I almost feel like a "princess"! *silly, I know*. I think if you let her know that you would like to spend the day with her, make it a lunch date, don't push - but also keep your prices down low, money CAN be a big factor. Try and address her fears if you can. But on the other hand, if she doesn't dress up - just remember, her clothes are *not* what is important.
My MOG Dress: (here's a funny, I said to my FDIL, I feel like a chocolate cupcake, dye my hair blond, and I'd be a fat fluffy cupcake with buttercream frosting!!)
Maybe she just doesn't want to take the attention away from you, by saying what she wear isn't important. Or it could be a money issue as someone else had said?
My mother is NOT someone who dresses up often, if ever. Since we don't live in the same area, my grandma and aunt treated her to a girls' day and helped her select an AWESOME dress. It may definitely be a self-esteem thing--it was for my mom, especially because of her weight. I highly recommend Dress Barn, of all places--any location my mom or I have gone to have great, helpful sales ladies, and their sizing...well, let's just say it helped my mom feel good about herself! Their prices are pretty reasonable, too.
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After we got my mom's MOB dress, I told FI's mom I wanted to shopping with her next. She repeated to me, once again, that she wasn't important and that she'd find something eventually but it wasn't a big deal. I let it go but approached the issue again later after I had gone in to the tux shop and talked about what my dad was wearing. The manager there had asked when I was bringing in the FOG since my dad was all taken care of. And when I mentioned to FMIL about a tux she said "Well, I was just going to have FI's dad wear his old blue suit." Again, I asked her to go shopping.
FFIL and FMIL, to me, are definitely my second set of parents. Throughout the last three years of my life they have been a very very large part of it, allowing me to live in their house when I had no where else to go, loving me like their own daughter, and sometimes treating me better than my own parents. I have a very close relationship with his mom and to me, it's important that they feel confident and look amazing on our day, too, because I want then to be honored for all the hard work they've done for me. All the nights she's stayed up talking to me when I'm upset about my family, etc. How do I convince her that this means a lot to me?
There will be pictures being taken all day, and I feel that all those who have had a major part in my life should be honored as well..I don't feel like it's just my day. What would you do?