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I can see both sides. Personally, I wouldn't do or say anything. Your families don't have to love each other. I know it is easier said than done, but try not to be upset, it could be worse. :)
I don't know that there's anything you can do, other than give it time and hope that your FMIL just lets it go. It was obviously a misunderstanding, but if your FI already explained that to his mother, then I don't think you need to get involved. She's going to think what she wants, no matter what you tell her. If she gets drunk and mentions it again, then you should probably try to clear up the confusion, but I wouldn't bring it up if I were you.
If you really want to ease the tension, then I wouldnt report back to your parents whatever FMIL says about them and would just try and ignore any comments about the past. The longer that you and your FI are together everyone will realize that you guys are serious about each other and the tensions will gradually fade away
I agree that time is the best cure for this situation. Also, don't hold it against your FMIL... I can totally see how your dad's comment would have upset her. Regardless of your FH's issues in the past, he is her son, and the past is the past, and you are both happy now, so it would seem to be an unnecessary and somewhat insensitive comment at this point.
Please don't get me wrong - I also understand your dad's point of view, and how it might not have seemed like a big deal from his perspective. But it's not surprising that she would be upset by it.
There's nothing more you can do, except to encourage positive interaction between your parents and his. The more positive experiences they have together, the sooner your FMIL will see that it wasn't intended to be an insult.
Honestly? I think regardless of your Dad's sense of humor, he really put his foot in his mouth. Of course your FI's Mom would be offended and feel protective! Unless she brings it up again, I think you should just let it go. If she does bring it up again, apologize for your Dad and tell her that while yes, they were concerned about you when there were problems, they have come to love and respect your FI and she need not worry about them disliking him any more.
i think you should stop involving your parents in your relationship. now that you guys are engaged, you really should tell them about every problem you have with FI or FIs family. recipe for disaster. there's really nothing for you to do. this will blow over. and if not, so what? the families dont have to be best friends. as long as they are cordial to each other, there shouldnt be a problem.
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This might get a bit long:
The boy and I have been together for 5 years. And not to sugar coat it, it's been a rough 5 years. We were off and on for multiple reasons and when I was hurt I turned to my family. So they know all the nights of crying I've done, etc. Anyway, several years later 'the boy' grew up. Realized his mistakes, got his life together and we are now engaged and moving past all the problems we used to have.
When we first got back together my family was of course not jumping up and down and signing up to be members of his fan club. In fact they thought I had lost my mind. However over time, they've realized the same things that I have and now welcome him with open arms. My dad and him even go golfing together.
Well our 1st family meeting family took place in May. Right off the bat someone brings up the age old questions of 'Think they'll really make it this time'. The boy's mom says something about how their family likes me, etc. And my dad (being a pretty witty but quiet guy that only talks when someone asks him something) responds with 'Yeah, we really wanted to kick ___'s ass for a while there'.
Well apparently the boy's mom didnt take my dad's comment too well and this Saturday she decided to mention it to me. Several bottles of wine in, and alone at one of his family member's house (where's the boy at this time you might ask = sleeping) she begins her rant about how my family hates the boy and wondering what the boy is getting into by marring me. Now I'm not one to say anything back in fact tears were going by this time for me. So I proceed to shut myself in a extra bedroom until drunk wine lady goes to sleep before leaving the house. All the while boy is sound asleep.
The next day, neither he or his mom remember or know what happened. All while I was back at home with my parents crying about this woman. Why such a big deal? Well the next day (now day of) his mom had invited my family over for lunch to meet up again. So its super awkward and I no longer even wanted to go. I instructed my parents to not mention anything and to just keep quiet about it all while explaining that they just were watching out for me and that she just doesn't understand my dad's sense of humor.
When I finally talk to the boy the morning of this family meeting and explain to him what happened he said he would talk to his mom. He understood and know my family does like him now and said he would take care off the situation. Well eventually after they speak he tells me that she found it extrememly rude that that was the first thing my dad says to her. Apparently months later she still holds this huge grudge against them. The Sunday lunch went off fine (a bit awkward but the topic was not brought up). The boy however seems to just have forgotten about it all and is fine, meanwhile i'm still extremely upset that she feels this way and that she went off on me Saturday night about everything.
What should I do? Anything? Help