- 7 years ago
The back story on this is too long to list … so I apologize now for the LONG background. When I met my Fiance through a friend (who happened to be a childhood friend of his) we were instantly connected. We have been together for two years, and currently live together about an hour and a half away from his family (and an hour away from mine). We are both 23 years old.
At first (of course!) Future Mother-In-Law seemed to really like me. Then, we moved in together. I have apparently stolen her precious son and instead of being happy for him she is devastated. FI’s two brothers are in their 40’s and have always lived at home with their mother, and never had any real relationship attachments. One brother has ended up getting married this year, which Future Mother-In-Law approves of, because they continue to live in her house and are heavily dependent on her.
Some background on me … I am 100% independent. I do not want to depend on anyone for anything and my happiness is solely what I make of it. I have always had a job, sometimes two jobs, and for the most part I plan everything. If there is something I want I save up and get it myself. I do not ask for anything or ask for help unless it’s really something I cannot do on my own. This is probably something my family is the most proud of about me.
When Fiance and I moved in together (over a year ago) it was certainly a drama filled event. His mother was literally in mourning and kept saying she had “lost her son.” We assured her that he is only moving an hour and a half away and we will still see each other. It seems like no matter what we have said and done from this point on we are incredibly offensive to his mother. Even when we try to do something nice it backfires – for example: we buy her flowers, she takes one look at them and calls them weeds. We buy her a Christmas gift and she sits it down upset we got her the OVAL casserole, not the ROUND casserole dish she requested.
She has said many hurtful things about me and made cuts at my family … all which I have ignored. I do not argue with her or play into her mind games. She has even went as far as to tell Fiance she hopes I never get pregnant because she will never see her grandchild. She insists she needs an “invitation” to come visit because we asked her to just call us ahead of time to make sure we don’t have any plans. Frankly, I think that is common courtesy. If you’ll remember above, I like to plan everything, and my days off work are normally scheduled with things I need to do and get done.
Fiance had surgery on his foot and then also broke “good” ankle. He has been in a wheelchair and is slowly regaining movement. It is our hope that he’ll be able to walk during the wedding. But, either way we are proceeding with plans. Needless to say we have not been able to visit her much recently because of all the stressful things we have been dealing with. This has been very upsetting to Future Mother-In-Law. She insists she cannot drive to see us, even though she can drive the same distance to go shopping. When she does visit she literally brings the whole crew with her … and sometimes people we are not even that familiar with (without letting us know). It’s frustrating!
Fiance has not been too close to his brothers since the move because of how dependent they are of their mother. They have literally came to blows and cussing fits about how horribly we mistreat her. Fiance had decided he wanted his oldest brother to be his Best Man and called him. He left a voicemail and also told his mother to pass along the message that he wanted to ask him something about the wedding. We never received a call back. We waited over a week for a response. At this point Fiance decided to ask my stepdad to be the Best Man because truly he’s always there for us and one of FI’s greatest friends.
Fast forward a few weeks … we’ve sent out wedding invitations and have been talking to many of our family members about the big day. Turns out Future Mother-In-Law has been telling people she does not want to go to our wedding, and she is only forcing herself to go because Fiance is her son. She does not approve of the wedding and Fiance treats the entire family like garbage. We have heard the same thing word for word from three family members / friends.
Fiance was very upset about this turn of events. He has been wanting to say something to his mother ever since he found out, but I have been urging him to just let it go. Well, he had finally had enough last night. He told her he knew everything she had been saying and wanted her to know it hurt him badly. He did not raise his voice or get upset … although she was crying and cussing. At first she completely denied she had said it but about twenty minutes in admitted yes she did say it, and yes she did not want to go to the wedding because we treat them like trash. The phone conversation ended with her hanging up on him. His father got on the phone cussing him out and that conversation ended with Fiance being hung up on again.
So Wow. Just Wow. Not sure where we will go from here. Wedding is a little over 30 days away and this is going on. Who knows whether they will be at the wedding or not. I hope for FI’s sake they are. However, I think a large part of him would be relieved if they don’t.
Sorry for the massively long post, I just needed to get this off my chest. This is such a great community and I know if anyone understands it will be you Bees!