Post # 1
So from the get go my FMIL said she wanted to take care of everything for the RD. Picking a venue, working on the menu, the whole thing. I didnt really care, one thing off my plate right?
She kept asking what she could do to help. Fi said she was feeling left out because she wasnt super involved
Then a few months ago she asked if it would help if she did research and got the hotel room blocks. Again I was super happy with this because we are having ALOT of out of town guests and I was already stressing about accomidations.
She assures me that I wont have to do a thing or worry about either of those 2 things.
Then she decided she was going to COMPLETLEY remodel her kitchen before the wedding (she has 9 sisters and wants it done before they come).
Well now we are less then 3 months out and she hasnt done anything! She called 3 restaraunts in town and said that 2 were 2 pricey and 1 was out of business. She wont give FI or my a budget or an idea of what was to pricey so we cant even work on it our selves.Also i should ad that she wont use the computer or internet. She is intimidated by it and wants to do everything out of the phone book or in person.
I went ahead and took 45 min at work yesterday and set up the hotel rooms.
FI and I actaully got into it last night because I was stressing about the RD. He says it will hurt FMIL feelings if I take over the RD planning. I said its hurting my feelings that it got pushed to the side. I told him I understand she has alot going on with the remodel, but she volunteered for this, and she did it before they decided to remodel the house.
He thinks that it wont be that hard to find a place to host a RD. I think it will be because it’s a Saturday night, and we are already so close.
I feel very anxious about the whole thing and am letting it stress me out.
Am I being crazy about this?
Any suggestions on how to go about it?
Post # 3
I understand that this must be frustrating for you, but she still has a good amount of time to organize things in my opinion. Most restuarants have spaces for parties of over 20 and will accomodate larger parties easily. I wouldn’t worry about it just yet. I think if you try and take over you might hurt her feelings, which isn’t realy worth it in the end. I would say if you’re a month out and she still has nothing I might start getting antsy. You have a lot going on, try not to worry about it too much. 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Contact FMIL- tell her you know she has a lot of other things on her plate with the remodel, but it would take a load of stress off of you if she could get the rehearsal dinner taken care of by a certain date- end of the month should be good.
Nobody wants a stressed out bride, so this may be the kick she needs.
Post # 5
This would drive me nuts. You have less than three months and you need to book someplace for a large group on a Saturday night in a metro area.
I’d do it myself. If she was really interested in helping she’d have done it by now.
Post # 6
I agree that she still has time, but she needs to at least have a restaurant space reserved! I would e-mail to tell her you took care of the block because people were asking and ask her how the RD is going. When she realizes that she has NOTHING to report back, she’ll go into panic mode.
Honestly, if nothing happens past that, you have a choice. You can take it on and be resentful, or understand that if it blows, it’s a reflection on THEM. Everyone knows that’s typically the grooms family.
Post # 7
You guys still have plenty of time, don’t stress. Honestly, it is not that hard or time consuming to book a hotel block. As far as the RD goes, we booked ours maybe 2 months in advance. Might have been less time actually. You’ll be fine.
Post # 8
Let her figure it out, we didn’t book our Rehearsal Dinner restaurant until the week of our wedding LOL – I know that is extreme but she really does have plenty of time. If you are a month out and there are no plans then you may want to start nagging.
Post # 9
That sounds super stressful; I don’t think you’re being crazy! I don’t think 3 months isn’t enough time to schedule the RD, but that’s only if your FMIL gets on the ball. I suggest talking with FI again, but focusing on creating a practical plan to make everyone happy. Maybe suggest that FI talk with FMIL and explain that you two want/need to have X,Y,&Z planned for the RD by a certain date (a location, guest list, etc). Have him gently offer to help her out if she’s feeling overwhelmed with her other projects (the remodel).
Honestly, I don’t think she is “pushing it to the side”. She probably feels like she has plenty of time and/or may be feeling overwhelmed with planning a big dinner – especially if she likes to do things in person. If she tells your FI that she has it all under control, give her another month or so to work on it. I’d say at 2 months out, if she still doesn’t have anything planned, then I’d think about “taking over”.
Post # 10
FI talked with his mom, she said she’s gonna get on the ball.
Then she told him that her feelings were hurt that I didnt think she would get everything done.
Post # 11
@Murphymcnasty: This happened to me. My in-laws said they would take care of the rehearsal dinner. ‘Cept two really important things…they planned a bbq dinner during lent on a Friday and we’re Catholic and getting married in a Catholic Church…and they planned it in a bar and neither my husband or I drink. So husband called them and calmly explained that many of our guests (us included) are Catholic and would need a non-meat option and honestly, we didn’t even stress the bar issue. Well at that point they just told us they would give us the money and we would have to plan it ourselves. A week before the wedding.
So I feel your pain. I just think you have to prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best! Good luck!
Post # 12
@Murphymcnasty: You were kind of in a no-win situation here. Someone was going to be stressed out and hurt.
This would drive me nuts too, but that’s because I’m a planner and a bit of a control freak. Here’s the thing: she’s the host of the RD. It’s all her problem. I’d step away from this completely. I think that it was a good idea for you to book the hotel block now (we had problems with ours and were really glad that we did it months in advance) because that probably needed to be done, especially if you’re in a larger city. In our case, people had to book their rooms 1 month in advance in order to get the special rate. It was $100 off, so we needed to jump early.
If you see it from her side: she thinks she has time, so she has time. If she’s the host, she’s responsible. It’s her butt on the line if it doesn’t work, not yours. I know it’s hard, but you have a lot of other stuff to worry about and I would just let this one go.